who's needs are you thinking about?...

so you are having a conflict with someone and you set up a time for a face to face talk time with them and in this time you need to pay attention to the other person’s feelings, to their needs.

philippians 2.4 (ph), none of you should think only of his own affairs, but consider other people's interests also.

when you're upset, who are you thinking about? me, my needs, my hurts, you hurt me. i don't care about you.

but GOD says reverse that. get together and first of all think about what are their needs, what can i do to help them? focus on their needs, not my own needs.

parents have to be peacemakers – tug of war over toys, in house fighting. you have to listen to your kids and be sensitive and empathize with their needs and figure out why are they hurting. why are they arguing over this?

one of the values of conflict is when you solve it, it usually leads to greater intimacy because you understand them better. you've been listening.

just a thought from the front porch…

so you're having a conflict with someone?...

matthew 5.9 (ms), you're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. that's when you discover who you really are, and your place in GOD's family.

so how do you cooperate instead of compete or fight? how do you resolve conflict at home, at work, at school, with your friends? how do you make peace?

well first of all you got to get together and talk.

matthew 5.23-24 (tev), if you remember your brother has something against you go at once and make peace.

HE says, you take the initiative. don't wait for them to make the first move. it doesn't matter if you're the offended or the offender, it's always my move.

in 1979, sadat won the nobel peace prize because he took the initiative. he broke the blockade, flew over to jerusalem and opened up peace talks with israel that eventually awarded accords.

always take the initiative. why? because JESUS said so.

you take the initative. and because you're more mature. go first. schedule a sit down, face to face meeting.

conflict is not resolved accidentally. it doesn't resolve itself. you must intentionally deal with it.

when do you deal with it? ...at once ... do it now. don't postpone it. if you avoid or delay it only grows worse. the longer i wait to resolve a conflict the more difficult it's going to be to resolve it.

just a thought from he front porch…

but why should i be a pecemaker?

we are looking at the 8 attitudes for happiness that JESUS gave in HIS first sermon . matthew 5.9 (niv) is the 7th one, blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of GOD.

now a good question that could be asked is why should i be a peacemaker?

well one reason is unresolved conflict blocks my fellowship with GOD. the bible says you cannot have close fellowship with GOD and be out of fellowship with other people at the same time. i john 4.21 (ms) says, loving GOD includes loving people…

if you're growing close to GOD and the other person is growing close to GOD it's inevitably going to pull you closer together. when you're out of fellowship with people – horizontal – you're out of fellowship with GOD – vertical.

also it prevents answered prayers. i peter 3.7 (nirv) says, husbands, take good care of your wives…treat them with respect…then nothing will stand in the way of your prayers.

if you’ll read matthew 5 you’ll see that reconciliation is a prerequisite for worship. it says that when you come to church and you're ready to give your offering and you remember somebody has something against you, go and get that right and then come back. nothing can substitute for reconciliation. not giving, sharing, reading the bible. if you're having a hard time getting an answer to prayer, maybe you'd better check out your relationships.

another reason is it hinders my happiness. when i'm in conflict with margaret my wife i'm miserable. job 18.4 (tev), you are only hurting yourself with your anger.

listen, resentment is dumb. when you get resentful it monopolizes your attention. all you can think about is that other person. you're just bugged by that other person. they're having a great time and you're the one who's upset.

you need to learn to be a peacemaker.

just a thought from the front porch…

some misunderstandings about peacemaking...

we are looking at the 7th attitude for happiness that JESUS gave in HIS sermon on the mount. matthew 5.9 (niv), blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of GOD.

now there are some misunderstandings about peacemaking.

first peacemaking is not avoiding. it's not running from the problem. it's not pretending it doesn't exist. "i don't want to talk about it" is not peacemaking, it's cowardice. a lot of manly men take this approach.

none of us like conflict so we avoid it, postpone it, put it off but it only gets bigger.

then it is not appeasement. this is the approach of a lot of women. but it’s not always giving in and let the other person have their own way. it’s not letting people run over you. that's passivity. JESUS was a very controversial person. HE stood HIS ground on a number of issues.

once in a while i read a marriage book that says you ought to be a doormat and always let the other partner have their own way and always give in – for the sake of peace be a doormat. JESUS never said that. JESUS never said you ever had to give up your identity or be a chameleon.

it's not appeasement and it's not avoiding. but it's actively seeking to resolve the conflict. that is what peacemaking is all about.

just a thought from the front porch…

the riots of the 60's & 70's...

i am old enough that i remember the late 60’s and early 70’s. the vietnam war and the peace riot days. i always had problems with riots for peace, it just didn’t make sense to me. rioting for peace but then i guess going to war for peace doesn’t make sense either but we sometimes have to do it.

did you notice that rioting didn’t bring peace it just brought more rioting, more war, war here at home?

maybe you are looking for peace in your home. you as a father possibly have a lot of turmoil inside and all it takes is for your wife or one of your kids to say the wrong thing and you explode and then you are in the middle of a major dangerous storm and you wonder where did my peace go?

JESUS in HIS 7th beatitude says there's one thing you can always know when we're like our heavenly FATHER, matthew 5.9 (niv), blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of GOD. you are a son of GOD when you're a peacemaker.

it doesn't say, "happy are the peace lovers", everybody loves peace. or, "happy are the peaceable", those who never get disturbed by anything. it says, happy are those who make peace – who actively seek to resolve conflict.

i like how the message puts it, (ms), you're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. that's when you discover who you really are, and your place in GOD's family.

just a thought from the front porch…

happiness is from the inside...

we have been dealing with the 6th beatitude. matthew 5.8 (ms), you're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. then you can see GOD in the outside world.

so let’s do a SPIRITual heart checkup. what is the condition of your heart? some of you have a broken heart. and it's hurting.

some of you have a hard heart. you've had so much bitterness and resentment in your life for so long, you've let it pile up and you have a stony, hard heart and nothing can break through. your husband can't get close to you or your wife can't get close to you. nobody can get close to you. you've allowed your heart to be hardened.

some of you have a divided heart. you're trying to serve GOD one way on sunday and the devil on monday. you're trying to please many different people. you act one way with one group of people, other ways with other groups of people. it's divided and no wonder you're not happy. let GOD give you a new heart.

isn't it time you stopped pretending that you're really happy and you're not? isn't it time you stopped pretending that you're following CHRIST when you're only doing it half heartedly if at all? would you come to GOD and say, "ok, GOD, i need a new heart." happiness is from the inside out. happiness is a heart condition.

just a thought from the front porch…

how do i get a clean heart?...

so how do i get a clean heart? how can i clean up my heart so i can be happy?

the answer is you can't on your own. otherwise JESUS wouldn't have needed to come to earth.

i would like to recommend to you a heart specialist. HIS name is dr. JESUS. HE makes house calls. HE doesn't cost a thing. HE is a pro in heart transplants. HE wants to give you a new life through HIS HOLY SPIRIT.

do what david did in psalm 51. he had had the most shattering experience of his life. he had committed adultery with another man's wife and then had him killed. he was a murderer and an adulterer. he felt bad. psalm 51.10 (lb), create in me a new, clean heart, o GOD, filled with clean thoughts and right desires.

to get a clean heart you just ask GOD. look at the word new. GOD wants to give you a brand new heart. HE wants you to put your trust in HIM. just ask HIM for a clean heart and HE'll give you a new heart, a new outlook, a new life, a new start.

JESUS through HIS HOLY SPIRIT is the key the only key. HE wants to and can make the difference in your worries, your ambitions, your motivations, your priorities. do you want to be happy and experience GOD’s presence? just come to HIM and ask HIM to clean up your heart and to make it new and HE can and HE will.

just a thought from the front porch…