to get past the forgiveness barrier…

it is not always possible, it is not always advisable that you physically go back to the people who hurt you. you shouldn’t always go back to that person. things may have changed. they may be unaware of how they hurt you. they may have remarried. maybe it would make matters worse. maybe they’ve moved away, and it’s impossible to find them. they may have died. some of you hold resentment against people who are no longer even alive. it’s not always advisable or even possible to go back to that person.

one of the things you can do is the technique of the empty chair. you set an empty chair in front of you, and you imagine that person in it and say, “GOD, i don’t know where they are, and i don’t know if it would even be the right thing to go back to them. it might stir up a hornet’s nest. but right now, i’m imagining that person there. i forgive them in the name of JESUS CHRIST. i’m giving up my right to get even. i’m letting it go. i’m asking YOU to help me to want YOU to bless that person.

another way is to write a letter to the person that you never mail. you spell out your pain. you say, “what you did hurt me. that rejection, that abuse, that mistrust, that betrayal, that criticism, that neglect, that apathy – whatever. that hurt me.” and you spell it out. you don’t minimize it. “but i have been forgiven so much by GOD, and i know that this is the right thing to do. i don’t want to go on with my life feeling and holding this resentment, this grudge, this pain, this burden in my heart.” because what you’d be doing is continuing to allow them to control you. “so i’m letting you go.” you write it in the letter, and you never mail the letter.

what i’ve described to you is not easy. it’s not easy at all. in fact, i have no doubt that there’s some relationships right here, there’s some marriages that are about to self-destruct. and they’re about to self-destruct not because of a hurt that was done – the hurt was the instigator – but because of the unforgiveness. it is not the hurt that destroys the marriage; it’s the refusal to forgive that destroys the marriage. it’s holding on and holding it over the person’s head. and some of you are in so much pain that every bone in your body wants to run out of that marriage, run out of that relationship – find somebody new just to ease the pain.

these steps are not easy, but with GOD’s power, you can do it. there’s a line in a song that says, “we can’t just trust our feelings. we have to stand in the LORD.” that’s the only way you’re going to get past this forgiveness barrier. you say, “i don’t feel like forgiving.” who does? nobody ever feels like forgiving. you do it because it’s the right thing to do, and you do it to get on with your life. we have to stand in the LORD.

just a thought from the front porch…