is it verbal abuse?

we all argue. we all say the wrong things sometimes. so how do you know if you’ve crossed over the line and you’re verbally abusing the people around you?

1. these outbursts rarely occur in public. it's always private, it's always secret. nobody else can know. that way you can turn it on and off.
2. they often come out of the blue. everything’s going along fine and them bam! everything explodes. by explodes i don’t mean you have to be yelling. you can verbally abuse people by put-downs, by quiet talk sometimes, too.
3. they often occur when your spouse, your kids, your friends are feeling happy and enthusiastic. when they’re feeling great, something in you triggers and you want to put them down. usually because you’re feeling not too good about yourself.
4. it becomes familiar, a pattern. the people in your life can say, “wow! we’ve been through that one before. i’ve seen that one happen before.”
5. the communication involves a lot of put-downs. it expresses disdain. it expresses a real put-down of other people. “you’re no good at this…you’ll never amount to… “ kind of talk.
6. you never seek reconciliation and often you’re not even bothered by the incident. that’s how you know if you’re starting to cross over the line.
   

maybe some of you are caught up in this. if you are, i want to encourage you to get help. you can get out of that vicious circle. you don’t have to stay stuck there. this is a circle that can be broken so you can use your words not to tear people down but you can begin to use your words to build people up.

just a thought from the front porch…