another key in a get together meeting to bring peace out of conflict is you emphasize reconciliation not resolution.
now reconcile means to reestablish a relationship. it does not mean you resolve all the problems.
a lot of times there are some legitimate, honest differences between husbands and wives, employees and bosses, men and women.
there are major differences between men and women. we think differently.
the average man speaks 15,000 words a day. the average woman speaks 27,000 words a day. when you say, my husband just won't listen to me, you have to realize he doesn't have the brain with the capacity to hold that much! our little brains can only handle about 15,000 words a day. you've got a 12,000 word excess that's going to fly right over his head. women are more verbal, it's a fact of life.
there are honest differences and many times you're not going to resolve those. reconciliation means you bury the hatchet, not the issue. you keep talking about it but you talk about it in harmony. you can disagree, agreeably. you can walk arm in arm together without seeing eye to eye. you can have reconciliation without having resolution of every problem.
reconciliation focuses on the relationship. resolution focuses on the issue, the problem.
when you focus on a, b often becomes insignificant. when you focus on a, reconciliation – "we're married, let's be on the same team. why are we fighting each other? we're supposed to be on the same team. we have a major disagreement on how to raise the kids, or how to spend the money, or how to have sex – that's the issue." – first, focus on reconciliation of the relationship and often, when you do that then (a) this starts to resolve itself out, or (b) it becomes immaterial, or (c) at least now you've got two people working in the same direction to resolve it. you focus on emphasizing reconciliation not resolution. i hoped that made sense.
just a thought from the front porch…
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