let’s get serious about our relationships…

we dealt yesterday that you can develop a healthy strong relationship through hard work and GOD.  you can but james 4 says let’s get serious.  verse 1 (ncv), do you know where your fights and arguments come from? they come from the selfish desires that war within you.  the message paraphrase says that you and i don’t get along, we argue with each other because you want your own way.  i want my own way.

yes, you and i can get along with each other through GOD and through hard work [james 3.18 (msg)] but let’s get serious.  there is a real problem here.  when my wants conflict with your wants, sparks are going to fly.  this is where the hard work comes in.

now conflict starts early in life, even before you could talk.  have you noticed that a baby, if there needs are not instantly gratified, they let you know?  you can argue even if you don’t know how to talk.

marriage has built in conditions for conflict.  think about the things you expected of your spouse before you got married – how idealistic and unrealistic you were about marriage.  what a rude awakening that was, the day you woke up!

all marriages go through three stages:  stage one, happy honeymoon; stage two, the party’s over; stage three, let’s make a deal.  at stage three you have to learn how to handle arguments because they’re going to happen.  there are going to be conflicting desires.  frustrated feeling cause fights.

there is a phrase that i have said over and over, too high expectations causes frustration.  we each have our own selfish desires and these desires are legitimate desires unless they’re out of control.  they are GOD given desires but when you put them above other people, when they become number one in your life, they will cause conflict.

margaret my wife loves to shop.  she doesn’t have to buy anything but she finds walking up and down each isle in target and looking at all the stuff a kind of detoxing experienced.  i find it toxic.  now in our beginning days together we had some arguments over doing that together until i found that i could take a book or now my kindle and find a spot and read.  i love to read she loves to shop.  in the beginning our conflicting desires caused a conflict.  i’m sure that has also been true of you. 

just a beginning thought from the front porch…