build up not tear down...

in building each other up we need to correct without condemning.

proverbs 19.18 (ncv), correct your children while there is still hope. do not let them destroy themselves.

the bible says we need to correct our children. we need to even correct each other as adults. how do you do that without condemning?

one way is to never correct in anger.

whether you’re a manager, a teacher or a parent. never correct in anger. when you correct in anger, you’re just most of the time getting even.

i have to admit to you that when my kids frustrated me it felt good to let off steam. it feels good to get angry. it’s all been building up inside of you and you want to let it out. but when you discipline in anger, it always produces anger in return and resentment. and you will reap what you sow. you’re setting yourself up for a problem. you may get the perceived desired behavior that you want but you are sowing seeds of rebellion when you discipline in anger.

ephesians 6.4 (lb), don’t keep on scolding and nagging your children making them angry and resentful, - “angry” and “resentful” are the two results when you scold or nag - rather bring them up with loving discipline that the LORD himself approves with suggestions and GODly advice.

also watch your words when you are correcting. ephesians 4.29 (lb), don’t use harmful words. use only helpful words, the kind that build up.

when you use harmful words, harmful words always become hurtful memories. we always remember negative things said to us far longer, criticisms far longer than compliments.

you can still remember hurtful things said to you when you were a child but you don’t remember all the compliments. you may use put downs, sarcasms, comparisons (“why can’t you be like…” or “you’re always like…”), you may be able to manipulate through guilt, through anger, but you are sowing seeds of rebellion that are going to destroy the relationship even though you get the perceived behavior at that time.

one of the main reasons why your mate may now have no feelings for you is because at one time you may have said something that really hurt them and you never asked them for forgiveness.

just a thought from the front porch…

appreciation and correction...

when we thank people and appreciate people that raises their value.

appreciation means to rise in value. that’s what used to happen to our homes. on the other hand if you ever bought a car or a home in this last year you know the meaning of depreciation. that means to lower in value.

do you realize that every time you appreciate your family, you are raising their value? you make your husband more valuable to you each time you appreciate him. you make your wife more valuable to you when you appreciate her. you make your children more valuable when you appreciate them because you’re raising their value. great people make people feel great.

the apostle paul was a master of this. in every one of paul’s letters at the start he says, “here’s what i like about you. here’s what i appreciate about you.” he may have some serious things to deal with to correct in their life but he says, “this is what i appreciate about you.”

how often do you affirm the people in your life? the bible says in hebrews 3.13 (niv), encourage each other daily.

now in that building each other up we need to also correct without condemning

the bible says in hebrews 12.6 (niv), the LORD disciplines those HE loves. and just as GOD disciplines us, we need to discipline our children and each other.

i know there are so-called “experts” out there today that say, just let kids do their own thing, don’t discipline them, don’t give them parameters, just let them be their own self. you don’t want to hamper them. but the bible says the exact opposite. in fact, the bible says that if you don’t discipline your children that proves two things:

1. it proves that you don’t really love them. proverbs 13.24 (lb), if you refuse to discipline your son it proves that you don’t love him. that’s what they need in order to grow.

2. it shows that i’m setting them up for failure. if i fail to discipline my children i’m setting them up for failure. i’m ruining their lives. proverbs 19.18 (ncv), correct your children while there is still hope. do not let them destroy themselves.

just a thought from the front porch…