accept, appreciate, affirm everybody…

so how do your treat people, especially in the church?

first of all accept everybody.  accept everybody.

then appreciate everybody.  appreciate everybody.

this goes a little bit further than acceptance.  philippians 2.3-5 (niv), do nothing from selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also the interests of others.  accept everybody.  find something you can like, not just accept.  tell them so.

with some people this may require a little creativity.  you may have to look a little while.  maybe you just need to value them for their uniqueness.  like baskin robbins – 31 flavors.  what if the people in your church were all vanilla?  what a boring church that would be!  GOD has 31 flavors of personality and more than that.

affirm everybody.  affirm everybody.

one of the things that i really miss about my dad who is now in heaven is the fact that he was my greatest cheerleader.  he believed in me, he encouraged me, he always was there to give me a lift.

can you imagine what it would be like if your church was full of cheerleaders?  everybody would be given a lift whenever possible.  1 thessalonians 5.11 (niv), encourage one another and build each other up.

when people stumble, don’t criticize, sympathize.  be an encourager, not a complainer, not a condemner, a critical person, a judger. 

you can encourage people just by smiling at them.  put yourself on a committee of one to greet each other with a smile.  you really don’t know what that will mean to someone who may really be having a tough time.  don’t just do it to those you know but also to those you don’t know.  let them know you care by a welcome handshake and a smile.

just a thought from the front porch…

you don’t have to be perfect…

proverbs 28.23 (nlt) says, in the end people appreciate frankness more than flattery.  notice in the end.  nobody appreciates it up front.  i don’t.  i doubt you do.  somebody comes up and says, “bill, this is out of whack in your life.”  i don’t appreciate that when i hear it.  my old selfish nature, my sin nature, my own pride rises up and says, “who are you?  you think you’ve got it all together?”  if you had to be perfect to be able to point out something wrong in somebody else’s life what would get pointed out?  nothing.  you don’t have to be perfect to point out something wrong in somebody else’s life.  you do have to be open to it yourself – to correction.  but you don’t have to be perfect. 

when you first hear it, most of us don’t really like to hear the truth.  but if we think about it, pray about it and realize “i needed to hear that, i needed it so i could grow, so i could become l what GOD wants me to be.” 

frankness is not a license for you to go out and say anything you want, to anybody you want, any time you want.  timing is everything.  ecclesiastes 8.6 (msg) says, there’s a right time and way for everything.   also proverbs 27.14 (niv), if a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning it will be taken as a curse.  “wake up!  it’s a great day!  let’s go jump in the pool!”  you’re not going “good morning, LORD.”  you’re going, “good LORD, it’s morning!”  so timing is everything.

let me give you some rules for dealing with people honestly. 

1.  compliment in public, correct in private.  you never correct a person publicly unless that’s the only, last alternative.  you do it in private.

2.  correct them when they’re up, not when they’re down.  you don’t come in and unload on somebody when they’re tired, they’re fatigued, anxious, it’s the end of the day and they haven’t eaten.  what this means is no bombs in bed!  you don’t wait until your souse lays his or her head down on the pillow and say, “can we talk?”  bad idea!  just going off into la-la land and you want to talk about something serious.  no.  wait until they’ve had a good meal, their tummy’s full, their glucose level is up, they’re relaxed, they’re feeling ok and in that better moment deal with the issue. 

3.  you must be open to correction yourself.  prove that you’re open to suggestions yourself.  you don’t have a right to give them the truth unless you have proven you’re open to the truth yourself. 

just a thought from the front porch…

the end results are worth it…

proverbs 24.26 (tev) says this, an honest answer is the sign of a true friendship. real friends speak the truth. they tell their friends what they need to hear not what they’d like to hear. sometimes love must be tough. sometimes love hurts. it hurt JESUS to die. that’s the kind of love JESUS had to die for you. but the end results were worth it.

proverbs 28:23 (lb) says, in the end, people appreciate frankness more than flattery. it says, in the end – because they never appreciate it in the beginning. they don’t. if i were to point out things in your life that needed some correction, you wouldn’t appreciate it. you would be resentful. you’d be rebellious. you’d be stubborn about it. so would i. we never appreciate it at the start. it’s only in the end that we appreciate it.

do you know somebody maybe in your extended family who’s overbearing and controlling and nobody’s ever spoken the truth to them about it? do you know somebody who’s wasting their life and they’ve never been confronted? is there someone you love, you care about, who’s flirting with temptation, and are you going to just sit there silently and let it get worse? do you have a friend who is a gossip and a divider and is divisive and they love to spread rumors, but nobody’s ever had the courage to say, “stop it! you’re hurting people with your gossip! nobody’s ever had the courage to say, stop it!”

if you want to move to the highest level of loving, i invite you to pray this prayer: “dear GOD, this is scary. you know how much i fear speaking the truth sometimes. i hate conflict. i don’t like rocking the boat. but i see what is going on, and i know it’s not right. please, give me the courage i need to talk to that person. help me to check my motives first. help me to find the right words and the right time to say it. help me to be positive and wrap the truth in love and affirmation. i am willing to risk rejection in an attempt to save this relationship. i’m willing to face the pain or anger because i love this person and i really do want what’s best for them. i ask YOU to use me in this most difficult expression of genuine love. help us as we go through the tunnel of truth. in JESUS’ name. amen.”

just a thought from the front porch…

appreciation and correction...

when we thank people and appreciate people that raises their value.

appreciation means to rise in value. that’s what used to happen to our homes. on the other hand if you ever bought a car or a home in this last year you know the meaning of depreciation. that means to lower in value.

do you realize that every time you appreciate your family, you are raising their value? you make your husband more valuable to you each time you appreciate him. you make your wife more valuable to you when you appreciate her. you make your children more valuable when you appreciate them because you’re raising their value. great people make people feel great.

the apostle paul was a master of this. in every one of paul’s letters at the start he says, “here’s what i like about you. here’s what i appreciate about you.” he may have some serious things to deal with to correct in their life but he says, “this is what i appreciate about you.”

how often do you affirm the people in your life? the bible says in hebrews 3.13 (niv), encourage each other daily.

now in that building each other up we need to also correct without condemning

the bible says in hebrews 12.6 (niv), the LORD disciplines those HE loves. and just as GOD disciplines us, we need to discipline our children and each other.

i know there are so-called “experts” out there today that say, just let kids do their own thing, don’t discipline them, don’t give them parameters, just let them be their own self. you don’t want to hamper them. but the bible says the exact opposite. in fact, the bible says that if you don’t discipline your children that proves two things:

1. it proves that you don’t really love them. proverbs 13.24 (lb), if you refuse to discipline your son it proves that you don’t love him. that’s what they need in order to grow.

2. it shows that i’m setting them up for failure. if i fail to discipline my children i’m setting them up for failure. i’m ruining their lives. proverbs 19.18 (ncv), correct your children while there is still hope. do not let them destroy themselves.

just a thought from the front porch…