we have been dealing here on the front porch about having loving relationships and that sometimes love speaks the truth. and when we do we must first check our motivation and then plan our presentation.
the next thing you do is you give them affirmation. that’s very important in speaking the truth in love. give them affirmation.
you need to understand that a healthy, strong relationship is always built on two legs. confronting in truth, affirming in love. if you only have one, you’ve got a one-legged relationship and it isn’t going to stand. it will fall over at anything. to have a strong marriage, you must be able to confront in truth and affirm in love.
the bible says that the truth will set you free. when you go through that tunnel of truth, it does free you to the deeper level relationship. the truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable. if i were to come to you today and say, “let’s go have some coffee. i want to point out the areas that need changing,” you would not be thanking me for it. you’d be going, “who do you think you are?” you’d be resentful, rebellious, resistant, determined, stubborn. you wouldn’t be going, “this is great! tell me the areas i need to work on! tell me the areas that are messed up in my life.” no. you would be miserable. because when you share the truth, it first hurts. sometimes a surgeon has to cut out a cancer, has to hurt, in order to heal.
because the truth often does hurt, we must speak it in love, and you couch it in affirmations. you put affirmations on either side of it. proverbs 12.25 (lb) says, a word of encouragement does wonders. when you are having a speaking-the-truth-in-love session with somebody, you want to affirm three things:
1. you want to affirm that you deeply love and care for them.
2. you want to affirm that you will pray for them and help them.
3. you want to affirm that you believe they can change.
and you believe that the relationship can be better. you believe that you can be even closer as a result of this confrontation.
just a thought from the front porch..
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