2 corinthians 7.4 (Gw) says, i have great confidence in you, and i have a lot of reasons to be proud of you. paul says this right in the middle of some very tough truths, where he’s saying, “this is some stuff you need to work on.” he’s leveling with them. he’s not pulling any punches. but in the middle of it, he says in affirmation, i have great confidence in you, and i have a lot of reasons to be proud of you.
if you want to move from grade-school loving to graduate-level loving, if you want to be a master at the art of love, you have to learn in a relationship to be both realistic and optimistic at the same time. realistic and optimistic. point out what’s really good and what isn’t so good that needs to be better. you say, “i believe with GOD’s help you can change... i believe with GOD’s help we can have a stronger relationship... i believe with GOD’s help there can be a different closeness and level of intimacy together…”
this issue of speaking the truth in love is still something that you learn from practice. it’s a skill you learn from practice. you get better at it.
now whether it’s a big problem in the relationship or a little problem whether it’s a major issue or it’s a minor issue, you’re going to have to take this last step if you want to be a graduate-level lover. and this you must risk their rejection.
paul did this in 2 corinthians 7.8-11 (ms), i know i have distressed you greatly with my letter and although i felt awful at the time i don’t feel bad now that i see how it’s turned out. the letter upset you but only for a while and you were jarred into turning things around. you let the distress bring you to GOD. and that’s what i was hoping for in the first place when i wrote the letter.
the truth is, it’s scary to do a speaking-the-truth-in-love to somebody. we don’t know how they’re going to react. they may get mad. they may walk out. they may misjudge your motivation. they may attack you. you don’t know what’s going to happen. so it’s scary, and you’re taking a great risk.
and because we don’t want to take that risk, we settle for superficial, shallow relationships.
just a thought from the front porch…
Showing posts with label affirm. Show all posts
Showing posts with label affirm. Show all posts
Monday, September 13, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
affirmation – tough truth – affirmation…
proverbs 12.25 (lb) says, a word of encouragement does wonders. when you are having a speaking-the-truth-in-love session with somebody, you want to affirm three things:
1. you want to affirm that you deeply love and care for them.
2. you want to affirm that you will pray for them and help them.
3. you want to affirm that you believe they can change.
you affirm these things. you state your faith. a word of encouragement does wonders. you begin and you end the conversation on a positive note.
paul did this. i wish i had time to take you through both of these books, 1 and 2 corinthians. in both books, he begins with affirmation and he ends with affirmation. example: in 1 corinthians 1.4 (niv), paul begins his letter by saying, i always thank GOD for you. and at the end of the book, 1 corinthians 16.24 (niv) he says, my love to all of you in CHRIST JESUS. between that he’s dealing with some very tough truths. so you sandwich the difficult truth between affirmations. affirmation – tough truth – affirmation. paul does this in his books. he begins and ends on a positive note. exit notes are very important.
a tip: never use the word “but” in a confrontation. the moment you use the word “but,” whatever you say before or after will be totally ignored and invalidated. “i think you’re a great person, but…” “you’ve got a lot going for you, but…” “we’ve got a great marriage, but…” “we’ve been friends a long time, but…” you can say all kinds of compliments before that one word. when you use that word “but,” people tune out.
instead use the word “and.” “you’re a great person, and i believe you can be even better.” “we’ve got a great marriage/relationship, and i believe there’s some things we need to work on.” “GOD is using you in a great way, and there’s some areas you might want to think about.” not “but.” use the word “and.” and make affirmation.
just a thought from the front porch…
1. you want to affirm that you deeply love and care for them.
2. you want to affirm that you will pray for them and help them.
3. you want to affirm that you believe they can change.
you affirm these things. you state your faith. a word of encouragement does wonders. you begin and you end the conversation on a positive note.
paul did this. i wish i had time to take you through both of these books, 1 and 2 corinthians. in both books, he begins with affirmation and he ends with affirmation. example: in 1 corinthians 1.4 (niv), paul begins his letter by saying, i always thank GOD for you. and at the end of the book, 1 corinthians 16.24 (niv) he says, my love to all of you in CHRIST JESUS. between that he’s dealing with some very tough truths. so you sandwich the difficult truth between affirmations. affirmation – tough truth – affirmation. paul does this in his books. he begins and ends on a positive note. exit notes are very important.
a tip: never use the word “but” in a confrontation. the moment you use the word “but,” whatever you say before or after will be totally ignored and invalidated. “i think you’re a great person, but…” “you’ve got a lot going for you, but…” “we’ve got a great marriage, but…” “we’ve been friends a long time, but…” you can say all kinds of compliments before that one word. when you use that word “but,” people tune out.
instead use the word “and.” “you’re a great person, and i believe you can be even better.” “we’ve got a great marriage/relationship, and i believe there’s some things we need to work on.” “GOD is using you in a great way, and there’s some areas you might want to think about.” not “but.” use the word “and.” and make affirmation.
just a thought from the front porch…
Saturday, September 11, 2010
confronting and affirming…
we have been dealing here on the front porch about having loving relationships and that sometimes love speaks the truth. and when we do we must first check our motivation and then plan our presentation.
the next thing you do is you give them affirmation. that’s very important in speaking the truth in love. give them affirmation.
you need to understand that a healthy, strong relationship is always built on two legs. confronting in truth, affirming in love. if you only have one, you’ve got a one-legged relationship and it isn’t going to stand. it will fall over at anything. to have a strong marriage, you must be able to confront in truth and affirm in love.
the bible says that the truth will set you free. when you go through that tunnel of truth, it does free you to the deeper level relationship. the truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable. if i were to come to you today and say, “let’s go have some coffee. i want to point out the areas that need changing,” you would not be thanking me for it. you’d be going, “who do you think you are?” you’d be resentful, rebellious, resistant, determined, stubborn. you wouldn’t be going, “this is great! tell me the areas i need to work on! tell me the areas that are messed up in my life.” no. you would be miserable. because when you share the truth, it first hurts. sometimes a surgeon has to cut out a cancer, has to hurt, in order to heal.
because the truth often does hurt, we must speak it in love, and you couch it in affirmations. you put affirmations on either side of it. proverbs 12.25 (lb) says, a word of encouragement does wonders. when you are having a speaking-the-truth-in-love session with somebody, you want to affirm three things:
1. you want to affirm that you deeply love and care for them.
2. you want to affirm that you will pray for them and help them.
3. you want to affirm that you believe they can change.
and you believe that the relationship can be better. you believe that you can be even closer as a result of this confrontation.
just a thought from the front porch..
the next thing you do is you give them affirmation. that’s very important in speaking the truth in love. give them affirmation.
you need to understand that a healthy, strong relationship is always built on two legs. confronting in truth, affirming in love. if you only have one, you’ve got a one-legged relationship and it isn’t going to stand. it will fall over at anything. to have a strong marriage, you must be able to confront in truth and affirm in love.
the bible says that the truth will set you free. when you go through that tunnel of truth, it does free you to the deeper level relationship. the truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable. if i were to come to you today and say, “let’s go have some coffee. i want to point out the areas that need changing,” you would not be thanking me for it. you’d be going, “who do you think you are?” you’d be resentful, rebellious, resistant, determined, stubborn. you wouldn’t be going, “this is great! tell me the areas i need to work on! tell me the areas that are messed up in my life.” no. you would be miserable. because when you share the truth, it first hurts. sometimes a surgeon has to cut out a cancer, has to hurt, in order to heal.
because the truth often does hurt, we must speak it in love, and you couch it in affirmations. you put affirmations on either side of it. proverbs 12.25 (lb) says, a word of encouragement does wonders. when you are having a speaking-the-truth-in-love session with somebody, you want to affirm three things:
1. you want to affirm that you deeply love and care for them.
2. you want to affirm that you will pray for them and help them.
3. you want to affirm that you believe they can change.
and you believe that the relationship can be better. you believe that you can be even closer as a result of this confrontation.
just a thought from the front porch..
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