a fresh experience of GOD's grace…

have you been burdened by this plague of perfectionism? do you have this continual feeling, this gnawing at your life that you just don't measure up and you should be doing better? “i should do this. i should do that... i must do this... i could do that... why don't i do that.... i should stop that...”

do you find yourself procrastinating because you're afraid to get started because it might not turn out perfect? you might fail and you might make a mistake. so you put it off and you're always waiting for better conditions. “one of these days, i'm going to get my act together... one of these days, i'm going to really live for GOD... one of these days, i'm going to start reading the bible... one of these days...” and you're waiting for perfect conditions and they never, never come.

are other people irritated and frustrated by demands that you make that even you yourself can't measure up to? when a CHRISTian holds up a standard and says that in order to be accepted by GOD, he has to meet that standard, what is he doing? he's frustrating the grace of GOD.

what we all need is a fresh experience of GOD's grace. that means that you realize that the way to enjoy GOD's approval is not the path of performance. it's not based on what i do. it's based on what JESUS CHRIST has already done. that's why JESUS CHRIST on the cross, HIS last words as HE stretched out HIS arms, was “it is finished.” HE didn't say, “it's not my dieing for you on the cross and you never making any more mistakes.” HE said “it is finished.” that separates CHRISTianity from every other major faith in the world because every other religion is based on one word: do. do this, do that. try to reach GOD by your own effort.

but CHRISTianity is based on the word “done”. it has already been accomplished. it's a free gift. you say, “it sounds too good to be true!” that's why people stumble over it. they just don't understand that GOD is not like a cruel, unreasonable parent who gets thrills about raising the standard just about the time you reach it.

it's true that all of us have fallen short of GOD's standard, but even still GOD loves us. you can't earn HIS love, because HE's already given it to you. all you do is accept it. we are imperfect people but we have a perfect SAVIOR in JESUS CHRIST. satan is paralyzing the potential of so many people. it's his subtle scheme to sabotage our service, to keep us from being effective because we think, “i've got areas that i'm weak in and i need to get those together before i start letting GOD use my life.” no. GOD says, “i am the GOD of jacob and i am the GOD of samson and i am the GOD of david.” everybody makes mistakes and the fact is, GOD wants to take your area of greatest weakness and turn it into a strength.

just a thought from the front porch…

don’t demand perfection of others…

colossians 4.6 (niv) says, let your conversation be always full of grace.

what paul is saying is, “don't demand perfection of others.” when you realize that you have been the recipient of grace, you need to be gracious to everybody else. don't demand perfection of your spouse. don't demand perfection of your children. don't demand perfection of other church members. don't demand perfection of business associates.

the fact is, we're all in the same boat. we're all in need of forgiveness. we need it desperately and GOD offers it to us. allow yourself and other people to make mistakes.

people will say, “what about matthew 5.48 (niv)? JESUS said, be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly FATHER is perfect.” now, you always interpret a verse by two things: the words, the root words, the meaning of those words – in this case the word perfect, and the context – what is it saying in light of the whole chapter?

the context of the passage: it says, be perfect, therefore... always find out what the therefore is there for. JESUS is saying, “in light of everything I've just said, be perfect. right before it, HE's talking about loving unlovely people. HE's saying that love is the essence of perfection. paul repeated it in colossians 3.14 (nkj). he said, love is the bond of perfection.

when i love GOD, love others, love myself, i am being perfect. i'm fulfilling the purpose for which i was made.

that's why JESUS said, the whole bible can be summed up in two statements. love GOD with all your heart and soul and love your neighbor as yourself. if you do those two things, you've got it! paul said, love is the bond of perfection. put on love. he's not saying, “make up a bunch of rules and restrictions about external behavior, do's and don'ts: don't drink, cuss, smoke or chew, run around with girls that do. don't do nothing!” he's not saying that! he's saying be perfect in love. we are to share GOD's grace by loving HIM and loving others.

just a thought from the front porch…

a misunderstanding of who GOD is…

GOD is not some tyrant, some dictator. every basic problem of man comes down to a misunderstanding of who GOD is and what HIS relationship is to us. in psalm 103.14 (niv) david says, for HE knows how we are formed, HE remembers that we are dust. williams’ translation: ‘GOD says, ‘I know you're human.’”

paul understood this concept and through the new testament, paul's testimony was this, “by the grace of GOD, i'm not what i used to be and by the grace of GOD, i am what i am, and by the grace of GOD, i'm not what i'm going to be.” paul understood that GOD was working in his life at every stage of the game and he didn't have to bat a thousand to please. all he had to do was respond to GOD's grace in faith.

that's what we tried to do in the last church i pastored before I retired. at harvest our goal was to grow in grace together. we didn’t say we've got it all together. we didn’t try to say we were perfect. the truth is if you ever find a perfect church, don't join it. then it won't be perfect any more. churches are made up of imperfect people.

perfectionism. it's a burden on our lives. JESUS said HE didn't intend for us to go with a heavy burden through life, always feeling throughout your entire CHRISTian life that you never measure up, that no matter what you do, GOD never smiles at you. that's not in the bible. GOD says, “I love you unconditionally and I accept you as you are. I love you too much to let you stay that way, but I love you as you are and will make the changes in your life if you’ll let ME.

accept the grace of GOD. grow in the grace of GOD.

just a thought from the front porch…

stop working so hard…

GOD says grow in grace. don't just accept grace, but grow in it. 2 peter 3.18 (niv) says, grow in the grace…of JESUS CHRIST.

you don't break the habit of perfectionism overnight. you didn't learn it overnight and you don't break it overnight. it takes time. it takes time to reprogram your mind and realize that GOD loves me unconditionally. it takes time to realize that the secret of CHRISTian living is to stop trying and to start trusting, to stop working so hard and to start resting in GOD's grace. it's a process of becoming.

the amazing truth is that GOD is pleased with you in the process – right now – even before you reach your goal. people think, “sure, i realize that GOD is changing me and making me more like CHRIST. the more like CHRIST i become i'll be right on target and then GOD's going to be pleased with me.” but GOD is pleased with you now, because of CHRIST.

stefanie my daughter is a tremendous young lady. in thinking back when she was smaller what if she would have come to me with a picture and she would have asked me, “do you like it, daddy?” and i would have said, “stef, it's perfect!” was i saying that it was on the level of a picasso or rembrandt or norman rockwell? no. what i was saying was it's perfect for that stage.

GOD knows where you are and HE's working in your life. and philippians 1.6 (niv) says, being confident of this, that HE who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of CHRIST JESUS.

do you remember when your kids took their first steps? it was like one step, then tumble and fall flat... one step, hit the wall... one step, fall backwards... it seemed they spent ninety percent of their time on the floor, but were you pleased with that little step? you better believe it!

the fact is, GOD, our heavenly FATHER, looks at us and HE's pleased with our little baby steps, even though most of us spend ninety percent of our time falling flat on our face. HE's still pleased with the baby steps.

just a thought from the front porch…

accept HIS grace…

now to deal with the perfection problem in our lives we must accept the grace of GOD.

GOD is not some heavenly policeman who sets up there looking down at us saying, “sorry! that's not good enough. try again.” every time we just about make it over the bar, he raises it a little bit and we fall and then he laughs. that's not what GOD is like. that's a misconception.

it's no wonder many people avoid GOD. they don't understand grace. i've discovered that many people are much harder on themselves than GOD is. they make more demands on themselves than GOD does. they carry a burden that GOD never intended for them to bear.

john 3.17 (niv),  for GOD did not send HIS SON into the world to condemn the world but to save the world through HIM.

HE didn't come to scare us but to save us. HE didn't come to put us down but to lift us up. when somebody tells me i've blown it, that's not good news – it's not even news. but when somebody comes and points the way to make the change, then that's good news.

perfectionism depresses us. it causes us to be burdened by life because we go through life worried and burdened by the tyranny of the “oughts” – i ought to do this. i ought to do that. i ought to be doing more. i should be doing this. i should... i must...

and we pressure ourselves and we always resist pressure and start heading in the opposite direction. so first we accept GOD’s grace.

just a thought from the front porch…

the most important word in the bible…

how do you deal with perfectionism? what the cure?

there's only one cure for perfectionism. it's one word, the most important word in the bible: grace.

until you understand what grace is all about, you're going to battle the paralysis of perfectionism, trying to do better and still feeling like you come up short.

the root of perfectionism is a misunderstanding of what GOD's like. growing up, every one of us were conditioned by what psychologists call conditional love. when we were a good little girl/boy we were rewarded with love and affection. when we were bad, we were punished with rejection. so as a result we got quickly in our mind that we've got to earn acceptance. the problem is that we take it and transfer it to GOD. we think GOD is the same way that everybody else is. if i'm good, GOD accepts me. if i'm bad, GOD rejects me.

but the fact is, the bible says in romans 5.8 (kjv), while we were yet sinners, CHRIST died for us. the bible says that GOD loves you just as much on your bad days as HE does on your good days, because HIS love is not based on your performance. the path of performance is not the way to GOD. it's grace. that's the most important theme in the bible. grace.

GOD says, “i accept you because i've chosen to accept you, not because you deserve it but because you need it.” ephesians 2.8 (niv) says by grace you have been saved, through faith.

some people see GOD as a cruel, unreasonable parent. as a kid they could never please their parents and they've transferred that to GOD. they'd get a “c” and their parents would say, “you could get a ‘b’.” they'd get a “b” on their report card and their parents would say, “you could get an ‘a’.” finally they'd get an “a” and say, “is that good enough?” and their parents would say, i’ll tell you when it's good enough.” they had an unreasonable demand which could never be satisfied.

they think, “if my parents were that way, surely GOD must be that way.” we invent an unpleasable GOD who cannot be satisfied no matter what we do. that's the number one reason people avoid GOD and the number one reason CHRISTians get depressed. they do not understand what GOD is all about, that GOD does not base HIS acceptance on who they are and what they've done.

just a thought from the front porch…

perfectionism and happiness…

perfectionism destroys your happiness.

you have the constant feeling that you never quite measure up. you go through life giving life your best shot and always coming up short and always feeling like, no matter how hard you try, your best is not good enough and you feel like a failure. that's depressing, discouraging. you start thinking, “what's the use?” “it's frustrating. why do i even try? if GOD demands that i be perfect, why even try?”

this is why most people avoid GOD because of their misconception of GOD. paul says in galatians 5.1 (niv), it's for freedom that CHRIST has set us free. HE set you free, not loaded you down. stand firm then and don't let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery.

everybody has a mental picture of their ideal self. it's what you really think you want to be or what you'd like everybody else to think you are. your ideal self shows up two ways: one, when you're filling out a job application. two, on your first date. you're always trying to impress people with what you think, you think everybody wants you to be. but it's not really you.

the problem is, your real self and your ideal self never really match. they start warring with each other in your life and you get under a burden.

nobody likes a nag. everybody feels like nags are a bother in life but our worst nag lives inside our skins. we subject ourselves to a relentless self judgment program. we remind ourselves of all the past failures and how we blew it. we criticize our present actions. we pressure ourselves about the future. we're always telling ourselves how we've blown it. “you'll never change.” that's perfectionism. that's the burden of trying to gain GOD's approval by being perfect.

GOD says, “that's not the way i intend you to live.” paul says, “don't be under the burden of slavery. don't go back and try to prove your worth by the law.”

just a thought from the front porch…

perfectionism and relationships...

perfectionism damages relationships.

how many of you like to be around somebody that's correcting you all time? every time you finish something, they have to go back and redo it.

somebody has said that the definition of a perfectionist is somebody that takes so many pains in his work that he gives you one, too. we all have this to a varying degree in our lives. it's frustrating, irritating, upsetting to everybody.

in the bible, there were a group of perfectionists – pharisees. they maintained a standard and taught a level of commitment that even they themselves could not reach. that's called being a hypocrite.

when we don't feel accepted, then we don't accept others. when we don't feel forgiven, we don't forgive others. when we don't feel GOD's grace, we're not gracious to others. it ruins relationships. because we're tough on ourselves, we're tough on everybody else at the same time. perfectionism damages relationships.

when you look at somebody who's a perfectionist, it looks like a pride problem. “that guy's a snob. he's got to have everything perfect.” but actually perfectionism is a sign of insecurity. in essence only insecure people demand perfectionism from themselves and everybody else. they're afraid that they might make a mistake.

it's not a sin to make a mistake. sometimes mistakes are ok. they're beneficial. columbus discovered america by mistake. goodyear discovered vulcanized rubber by mistake. alexander graham bell discovered the telephone by mistake. a lot of mistakes turn out for good. you don't always have to bat 1000. when you feel like you've got to do that, you put yourself under the burden.

JESUS said in matthew 11.28-30 (niv), come unto ME all you who are weary and are burdened [you're burdened down with life] and I will give you rest. take MY yoke upon you and learn from ME.  He said, MY yoke is easy.

why don't we do this? we put the burdens of perfectionism on ourselves. we try to gain GOD's approval by our actions.

just a thought from the front porch…

sitting on the sidelines…

here's what happens. perfectionism leads to procrastination, procrastination leads to panic or pressure, pressure leads to paralysis. every one of you have probably seen that in your life.

perfectionism. we wonder, is it going to be perfect? and when we wonder if it's going to be perfect, we start procrastinating because we think, "it's not the right time to start this project." then, because we don't start at the right time, we get under pressure because time's running out. we start panicking. and when we start panicking, we get paralyzed and we can't do anything.

many people go through life sitting on the sidelines because they cannot be perfect so they won't try anything.

1 kings 22 is a story of king jehosophat. it says he built ships that never sailed. he spent all the time building a fleet and they never left the harbor. that's like many lives today. we work on our lives, constantly improving and improving. “one of these days i'm going to get my act together. one of these days i'm going to shove out in the ocean.” but we never do because we're afraid.

i hear people saying, “i'm reluctant to serve in a church because i'm inadequate. i can't do anything and i don't have all my hang ups solved so i can't serve the LORD.”

listen, every CHRISTian leader who ever lives feels inadequate, including myself. the bible says that GOD uses ordinary, imperfect people.

one of my favorite verses is when GOD says, I am the GOD of jacob. why is that such a comfort? because jacob was a real crook. he was a swindler, a cheat, a manipulator. he had grave emotional problems, yet GOD owned him. GOD said, I am the GOD of jacob. if GOD can say that about jacob, HE can say, “I am the GOD of bill williams in spite of his hang ups, in spite of his weaknesses and mistakes.” perfectionism destroys initiative.

just a thought from the front porch…

i can’t be perfect so why try?...

galatians 5.1 (niv), it is for freedom CHRIST has set us free. stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery.

what is paul talking about when he says, don't be burdened by the yoke of slavery? he is talking about the number one emotional hang up that people experience today. it is one of satan's greatest psychological weapon. it causes more misery, more heartache, more depression than anything else. many of you are dealing with it this right now.

paul didn't use this word, but what he was talking about was the paralysis of perfectionism – trying to maintain the approval of GOD or the approval of others or the approval of self by maintaining a perfect performance. it's a subtle trap and all of us tend to fall into it.

GOD warns: don't get involved in perfectionism. HE says it's a damage to our life because sooner or later we realize we're not perfect and then we have to start wearing masks and pretending we're perfect when we're not. we know we're not inside.

why does HE demand that we avoid perfection? why does HE demand that we let go of this burden? why does HE want us to be free in CHRIST?

for one, perfectionism damages your initiative. it destroys it.

when you think you've got to be perfect in everything, you never get started. it kind of kills your enthusiasm. it's kind of the philosophy of “if i can't be the best, then i won't even try.”

how many of you in college or high school did not go out for a sport because you thought, “i won't make it on the first string, so why try.”? how many of you have ever said, “if the project is not going to be perfect, i don't even want to be a part of it”?

perfection paralyzes your initiative. it keeps you from getting started. it is the fear of failures. you never accomplish anything because you're afraid you may fail, it might not turn out perfect so as a result, you never get anything done. it paralyzes our potential. we set such high standards for ourselves that when anything comes along we think, if i can't do my best, i won't do anything.

just a thought from the front porch…