understanding and validation…

the fact is the people in your life who you least want to forgive, the people in your life you least want to show mercy to are the people who need it the most.  the unlovely people.  the people you don’t want to love.  hurt people hurt people.  if somebody’s hurting you, they’re hurting on the inside.  so here’s the secret of mercy – learn their background.  when you find out the background of people you cut them a whole lot more slack.  you’re much more gracious to them.  you go, “look at what they’ve been through!”  you find out the background of people and the hurts and heartaches they’ve been through you’re going to be a lot more forgiving.  you stop saying, “look how far they’ve got to go!” and you start saying, “ look how far they’ve come.”  if you put yourself in their shoes you might not even be that far with all the pain that they went through.  you start looking at people with the eyes of JESUS.  that’s mercy.

mercy is revolving door.  the more you give the more you get back.  matthew 5.7 (nlt), GOD blesses those who are merciful for they will be shown mercy.  you want GOD to bless your life?  then you start blessing others with mercy. 

another way you can bless others with your words is when you express sympathy.

when you do what the bible says to do in colosians 3.12 (Gw).  as holy people be sympathetic, kind, humble, gentle and patient.  the bible gives us this picture.  we are to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice.  it’s a good picture of what sympathy means.  a definition of sympathy is to be able to understand and affirm somebody else’s feelings.  not just their experiences but their feelings.  what they’re going through at that moment.  sympathy says, i affirm what your heart is going through at this moment.  i affirm your problems and your pain.  sympathy is very powerful because it meets two of the most basic human needs. 

first of all it meets a need that every one of us have and that is the need to feel like, i am understood.  someone else understands me.  sympathy says, i understand what you’re going through.  i understand that life is difficult right now. 

sympathy also meets a second basic need we all have right now which is to have my feelings validated.  to realize i’m not so strange.  everybody has these feelings.  i cannot tell you the times when i’ve looked across at somebody else, as a pastor, and said, “everyone feels that way.”  and seen a wave of relief come over the person’s face.  we all have this basic human need to know, i am not weird.  it’s a good thing to know sometimes in life. 

just a thought from the front porch…

kindness and sympathy...

sometimes kindness is just listening. in fact, advice giving can actually be counterproductive to kindness. joe bailey wrote a book on grief, on losing a loved one. he called it a view from the hearse. he says this from his experience: “i was sitting, torn by grief, and somebody came along and talked to me about GOD's dealings of why it happened, of hope beyond the grave. he talked constantly. he said things i knew were true. but i was unmoved, except to wish that he would go away. and he finally did. then another one came and sat beside me, and he didn’t talk at all. he didn’t ask me any leading questions. he just sat beside me for an hour or more, listened when i said something, answered briefly, prayed simply and left. i was moved. i was comforted. i hated to see him go.”

sympathy involves the ears. listening is a form of kindness.

sympathy does two things. it meets two of your basic needs: the need to be understood and the need to have your feelings validated. and both are human needs.

the bible says it like this, galatians 6.2 (nlt), share each other’s troubles and problems and in this way obey the law of CHRIST. what is the law of CHRIST? it’s called the great commandment. love GOD with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself. do you like sympathy? of course you do. do you like people to sympathize with you when you’re hurting emotionally, physically, whatever? of course you do. the bible says do the same to others.

GOD often allows problems in your life just to teach you to be sympathetic to others. some of the things that come into your life, you wonder, “why is this happening to me?” i'll tell you why it’s happening. GOD sometimes specifically allows certain problems into your life so you can be sympathetic to other people when they go through them and you don’t say things like, “why don’t you just get your act together? why don’t you just straighten up? if you’d just change your beliefs or change your life …” you’ll be
sympathetic to where they are.

2 corinthians 1.4 (lb), GOD comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials so that when others are troubled, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort that GOD has given us. so every problem you go through is an opportunity to learn how to be more sympathetic.

just a thought from the front porch…

learning to listen is the secret...

the second thing the good samaritan did was sympathize with people’s pain. it’s not enough to just see their need, you must feel their emotions. you must sympathize with their pain.

the bible says this in luke 10.33 (tev), when he saw him, his heart was filled with pity. first, his eyes kicked in. then his ears and his heart kicked in, and he’s filled with pity.

the bible tells us, weep with those who weep. in other words, share their sorrow. enter into their emotion. feel what they feel.

how do you do that? how do i increase my ability to be a more sensitive and more sympathetic person?

if sensitivity begins with your eyes, sympathy begins with your ears. it’s learning to listen. learning to listen is the secret of genuine sympathy. the better listener you become, the more sympathetic you become. sometimes kindness is just listening.

there was this ad that said, “i'll listen to anybody speak about anything for 15 minutes for 20 bucks.” i bet that guy’s making a good living. people are dying to have someone listen to them. that’s why social media is exploding. they want somebody to listen to them.

someone said “when i ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice and you’ve not done what i’ve asked, when i ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why i shouldn’t feel that way, you trample on my feelings. when i ask you to listen to me, and you begin to feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you’ve failed me, as strange as it seems. just listen. please. just listen to me. advice is cheap. fifty cents will get you both dear abby and billy graham in the same newspaper and i can do that for myself. i’m not helpless. i may be discouraged. i may be faltering, but i’m not helpless. so please. just listen to me. and hear what i have to say. and if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn, and i'll listen to you.”

just a thought from the front porch…