when you hold on to resentment, you allow people to continue to hurt you today. and that’s not smart. in fact, it’s quite dumb. the people in your past are past. they cannot continue to hurt you unless you choose to hold on to the hurt. why would you do that? why would you hold on to a hurt that can neither be changed nor controlled? all you’re doing is making yourself miserable.
so you relinquish your right to get even. the bible says this in hebrews 12.15 (ph), be careful that none of you fails to respond to the grace which GOD gives. for if HE does there can very easily spring up in him a bitter spirit which is not only bad in itself but it can also poison the lives of many others. and resentment can be passed on from generation to generation to generation. you don’t just make yourself miserable when you’re bitter. you make everybody else around you miserable too. it is a worthless emotion. i relinquish my right to get even.
just a thought from the front porch…
2 comments:
I just posted this: kinda goes with resentment I think...
Defense Mechanisms are walls or protective devices that we use to deal with hurts or trauma when we cannot tolerate feeling the pain. Most of these are patterns or automatic reactions to pain, that we chose when we were children. They need to be rethought and updated as we grow into adults.
Often, when we find ourselves over reacting to current situations, it is because emotions from past hurts are spilling over our defensive walls into our present reactions. How many of these defense mechanisms do you use? Think about it. Be aware that they could be indicators that your healing is not yet complete.
Rationalizing - I don't over react often, I don't really have a problem.
Minimizing - I don't react half as bad as they do.
Sublimating - I clean house or exercise when I start to feel the guilt again.
Cockiness - I got it made, these other folks are losers.
Justifying - If you had a wife/husband/family like mine, you would be angry too.
Projecting - You manipulate and say the other person is the one who is upset.
Blaming - It’s because they make me mad. It is my job stress.
Humor - This isn't serious. Life is a joke.
Intellectualizing - If I can understand it or analyze it, I have it under control.
Lying - I haven't had that many run-ins; I get along with everybody.
Manipulation - If you quit complaining, I'll quit drinking/using.
Accusing - When you criticize me, it makes me eat even more.
Threatening - Get off my back or you will be sorry!
Judging - If you just wanted to do ______ right, things wouldn't be so bad.
Explaining - Oh, I am not well enough to work anymore because . . .
Analyzing - I started using more because of ____, it will slow down later.
Arguing - I'm not an alcoholic; I've never gotten a DUI or . . .
Defiance - I dare you to prove that I'm cheating!
Withdrawing - If I don't do or say anything, they will leave me alone.
Shouting - Leave me alone, I don't want to talk about it!
Silence – Not talking about what is bothering you.
Smiling - Just laugh it off. Nervous smile. Become the office clown.
Compliance - I just do and say what they want.
Spiritualizing - God doesn't see my bad behavior. I'm forgiven.
Fantasizing - They would never treat me the way they did their last spouse.
Religiosity - Good Christians don't need counseling. They are already healed.
Did that clear up a few things for you? We all have unconsciously chosen defenses that we use to try to hide our feelings rather than feel them or heal them. Actually, defensiveness doesn't hide hurts well either. It has been said there is no such thing as an unexpressed emotion. It will come out sooner or later.
If we continue to try to hide our hurts and don't allow truth into these areas, these hurtful emotions will come out. We can choose the time and place that we will share those negative feelings or they will erupt when our buttons are pushed.
We can choose to be healed quickly, without reliving the trauma, without analysis, without years of counseling, by choosing healing through ____________________________________________.
I don't think I've ever felt hurt by anything anyone has said. I have felt angry, but never for more than a day or so.
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