in confronting someone you love in a loving attitude you start with the correct motivation. what is the right motive? to help, not to hurt. the reason you speak the truth in love, you confront with a loving attitude, is to help the person, not to hurt them. you’re doing it in love.
we see this in paul’s letter to the corinthians. in 2 corinthians 12, he has just brutally been honest with them about things that were out of whack in their lives. he says you need more commitment, this is wrong, it needs to be changed. in chapter 12 verse 19 (nlt) he says, we tell you this as CHRIST’s servants and everything we do dear friends is for your benefit. he says, i’m not saying this just to get a kick out of it. i’m saying it for your benefit.
proverbs 27.6 (Gw) says, wounds made by a friend are intended to help. before we can talk about how to confront someone in love, the issue is, who do i do it with? the answer is real simple – only people you care about. if you don’t care about the person, you don’t go around making yourself the policeman of the world or pointing out error in stranger’s lives. that’s not your job. but if you have proven you love a person, you have a right to point out things that would be for their best. you only do it for people you love. so you only do it with people you want to have a relationship with. if you don’t want a relationship, you don’t do it. you just avoid it. you don’t confront the clerk who’s being a jerk, you just avoid him. or you point out things in people you deeply care about, you see them heading the wrong direction and wasting their life.
if you never confront anyone, you’re never going to be close to anyone. because closeness only comes through conflict and confrontation.
just a thought from the front porch…
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