Love
is alive when it's giving, it's
dying when it's exchanging (you do this for me, I'll do that for you –
bartering) and it's dead when it's taking (when it's selfish).
I
Corinthians 13:5 (NIV), "It is
not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record
of wrongs."
There are all different kinds of relationships that
we have. We have give-and-take
relationships – I take and you give. We
also have fair exchange relationships – you do this for me, I do that for you. But the best relationship, the healthiest
kind of relationship is a give and give relationship. Both people giving because they've decided
they want to give not forced to. It's
their decision and their choice. Love is
alive when it's giving.
We have a real dangerous habit in our society of
exchanging love. You scratch my back.... It's OK for business but it's terrible
for relationships.
I think one of the reasons we have this habit is
because the whole concept of romantic love – at the very core of romantic love
is this concept of exchanging love. You
bring me flowers and I bring you candy.
I do this for you and you do this for me. This is exchanging love all the time. But
love is a lot more than romance.
Many of you have been disappointed in your life,
because you were looking for love that was going to be romantic and it just
didn't work out. It was supposed to be
fairy tale and it was a grim fairy tale, if anything. You look at your life and think, "If I'm
supposed to be Cinderella why do I feel like the ugly step sister all the
time?" "If I'm supposed to be
Snow White, why in the world did I get stuck with Dopey instead of the handsome
prince?"
I love romance, it's great. But it's not all there is to love. It's a part of our lives, but the definition
that you have for love must be a lot broader than that.
Much of love isn't romantic, it's just sacrificial
giving. But that sacrificial giving is
what eventually builds real romance in life.
That's what love is all about.
Romantic love demands constant attention. Real love gives constant attention.
There's a real question in this when I talk about
love is giving – a give and give relationship.
Some of you have already thought this through. What happens when I give and they don't? What am I going to do then? And you're thinking, "This is a big
risk. I'll wait for them to give
first." And everybody is waiting
for someone to give.
GOD didn't wait for us to give. HE gave HIMself to us before we even
recognized HIM. HIS advice to us is to
begin the process by being the person who gives.
Some of you are thinking, "I can't do
that. That's a terrible risk! If I give and they don't, won't they take
advantage of me?" Yes, they could
take advantage of you. To love is to put
your self in a vulnerable situation.
C.S.Lewis said:
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly
be wrung and possibly broken. If you
want to be sure of keeping it in tact, you must give your heart to no one. Lock it up in the safe or the casket of your
selfishness. But in that casket, safe,
dark and motionless, airless, it will change.
It will not be broken but it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and
irredeemable. The only place outside of
Heaven where you can be safe from all the dangers of love is hell."
Love is dangerous.
But it's worth the risk not to harden my heart and live an empty
life. It's worth the risk. Love is giving. That's when it is alive.
Just a thought from the front porch…
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