Tuesday, January 14, 2014

It does three things to relationships…

Fear is also a kill-joy for relationships. Fear says "I don't trust you anymore."  Maybe it’s because you've been hurt and when fear builds up in your life, the joy goes out of the relationship. 

Proverbs 12:25 (NIV), "An anxious heart weights a man down."

Fear causes us to build walls between us instead of bridges.  Fear causes us to encase ourselves in an isolation booth that says, I'm not going to ever let another man hurt me.  I'll never let another woman know my real feelings, because they shoved them in the dirt.  So we put up walls and we isolate ourselves and we're miserable. 

When you are full of fear there is no emotional intimacy. And when there is no emotional intimacy there is no joy.  It just doesn't happen.  We wear masks and the results are we're miserable.

I John 4:18 (Ph), "Fear always contains some of the torture of feeling guilty.  The one who lives in fear has not yet had his love perfected." 

Fearful people cannot give love and cannot receive love because they're saying I'm afraid I'll be hurt again. 

Now fear does three things to relationships:

#1.  Fear makes me defensive. 

I won't admit it when I'm wrong.  I can't admit a fault because I'm afraid that that will make you better than me.  And since I don't feel good about me then I certainly don't want you feeling good about you.  So fear makes me defensive and I won't admit it when it's my fault.

#2.  Fear makes me distant. 

When I'm afraid in a relationship, I don't want to share my real feelings, because you might not like them.  If I tell you what I really am like and you don't like it, that's all I am and that's tough.  So the fear of rejection makes me distant and I won't allow you to get close to me and I won't really tell you my true feelings.

#3. Fear makes me demanding. 

When I'm afraid I must always be in control.  When I'm afraid I have to call the shots.  When I'm afraid, I've got to have the last word.  I've got to show who's on top.  I've got to make sure I'm in control.  That's basic insecurity. 

Just a thought from the front porch…

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