we are looking at the disconnecting because of pride. pride causes us to compare and compete with other people. comparing and competing are the twin sisters of pride. they destroy relationships rather than build relationships.
actually when you really look under the surface, pride is just another expression of fear, of insecurity. pride is usually motivated by insecurity.
when you see someone who has to boast all the time, has to brag all the time, can never admit when they’re wrong they are masking massive insecurities. when we’re afraid, when we fear being rejected we build up a wall of pride. we don’t let people get close to us. we hold them at arm’s distance because if they see what we’re really like, if they get close, they may not like us. and we don't want that to happen.
so we pretend we are what we aren’t and we build ourselves up bigger than what we are because we don’t think people will accept us as we really are. it’s just an expression of insecurity.
now if pride causes us to disconnect, what causes us to reconnect to people? the answer’s obvious. it’s humility.
pride disconnects, humility reconnects. 1 peter 5.5 (niv) says, clothe yourself with humility toward one another.
if you want to get dressed for successful relationships, always go out with the overcoat of humility. the bible says, love is not proud. that means anytime you’re prideful you’re not being loving. you’re not being loving in the relationship.
philippians 2.3 (ncv), don’t let selfishness or pride be your guide. instead be humble and give more honor to others than to yourself.
what is humility? humility is not putting yourself down all the time. it’s not saying, “i'm nothing. i'm no good. i'm worthless. you don’t deserve me.” that’s actually false humility and a form of pride. you’re asking for strokes.
real humility is not thinking less of yourself. real humility is just not thinking about yourself. it’s thinking about the other person more than you think about you.
just a thought from the front porch…
Showing posts with label disconnect. Show all posts
Showing posts with label disconnect. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
pride blinds us…
there’s another thing that causes us to disconnect from those we love and that’s pride.
margaret, my wife and i have discovered that pride rears its ugly head really about every time we get into conflict. when egos collide sparks fly.
there is an awesome verse over in proverbs, proverbs 13.10 (ncv), pride only leads to arguments. we all need to memorized that one don't we?
pride keeps us from hearing each other. when we’re prideful we think we know it all. “i don’t need to hear what you say! i’ll cut you off in the middle of a sentence. i’ll tell you what you’re saying. i’ll tell you what you’re thinking. i’ll tell you what you’re feeling. i’ll tell you what you ought to feel. you shouldn’t feel that way. you should feel the way i feel. you shouldn’t think that. you should think the way i think.”
pride keeps us from hearing each other. you think you know it all. you presume. you jump to conclusions when you’re full of pride.
pride makes us unteachable. “don’t confuse me with the facts. my mind is made up.” it makes us unteachable.
pride blinds us to our own faults. you’ve heard it said love is blind. love isn’t blind but pride is. pride blinds me to my own faults. it blinds me to the fact that sometimes i'm the whole problem. sometimes i'm part of it but sometimes i'm the whole problem.
JESUS once said to some people, before you go worrying about the speck of sawdust in your neighbor’s eye, get the telephone pole out of your own eye. your own pride is blinding you to your own faults.
pride causes us to refuse to reconcile when there’s been conflict. “i'm not making the first move! she’s got to make it.” you’re in different rooms, bedrooms, boardrooms or whatever. “i'm waiting for him to call me.
pride causes us to wait for the other person to take the initiative and it’s our own stubbornness that demands that the other person make the first move. call it what it is. it’s pride. it’s ego.
pride causes us to play games instead of admitting when we’re wrong. we play word games. we play psychological games and all kind of games instead of just saying, “you’re right. that was dumb. i shouldn’t have done it. please forgive me. i'm sorry. i was wrong.” rather than admit when we were wrong we play all kinds of games. we manipulate and we shade facts and we do this and that.
just a thought from the front porch…
margaret, my wife and i have discovered that pride rears its ugly head really about every time we get into conflict. when egos collide sparks fly.
there is an awesome verse over in proverbs, proverbs 13.10 (ncv), pride only leads to arguments. we all need to memorized that one don't we?
pride keeps us from hearing each other. when we’re prideful we think we know it all. “i don’t need to hear what you say! i’ll cut you off in the middle of a sentence. i’ll tell you what you’re saying. i’ll tell you what you’re thinking. i’ll tell you what you’re feeling. i’ll tell you what you ought to feel. you shouldn’t feel that way. you should feel the way i feel. you shouldn’t think that. you should think the way i think.”
pride keeps us from hearing each other. you think you know it all. you presume. you jump to conclusions when you’re full of pride.
pride makes us unteachable. “don’t confuse me with the facts. my mind is made up.” it makes us unteachable.
pride blinds us to our own faults. you’ve heard it said love is blind. love isn’t blind but pride is. pride blinds me to my own faults. it blinds me to the fact that sometimes i'm the whole problem. sometimes i'm part of it but sometimes i'm the whole problem.
JESUS once said to some people, before you go worrying about the speck of sawdust in your neighbor’s eye, get the telephone pole out of your own eye. your own pride is blinding you to your own faults.
pride causes us to refuse to reconcile when there’s been conflict. “i'm not making the first move! she’s got to make it.” you’re in different rooms, bedrooms, boardrooms or whatever. “i'm waiting for him to call me.
pride causes us to wait for the other person to take the initiative and it’s our own stubbornness that demands that the other person make the first move. call it what it is. it’s pride. it’s ego.
pride causes us to play games instead of admitting when we’re wrong. we play word games. we play psychological games and all kind of games instead of just saying, “you’re right. that was dumb. i shouldn’t have done it. please forgive me. i'm sorry. i was wrong.” rather than admit when we were wrong we play all kinds of games. we manipulate and we shade facts and we do this and that.
just a thought from the front porch…
Monday, March 22, 2010
statements of fear and insecurity…
there’s another fear that we have that disconnects us and that is when we fear losing our freedom. when we fear losing our freedom that makes us demanding.
fear and insecurity demand that i must always be in control. the more insecure i am the more i have to be in control. the opposite is true also. the more secure i am as a person, the less i need to be in control. i don’t need it. but if i'm insecure and if i'm fearful i'm going to try to grab for control, i must always have my own way. i must always have the last word. we’ve got to do it my way. i demand my rights. all of those statements are symbols of insecurity.
sin destroyed the perfect relationship and thus began the battle of the sexes. in genesis 3.16 (ber), GOD tells eve, you will be drawn to your husband yet he will dominate you.
that wasn’t GOD’s plan or idea. but that’s what happened when fear entered the relationship.
sadly GOD’s ideal was destroyed. instead of complementing each other, husbands and wives started competing with each other. GOD made women and men totally different for a purpose. we’re different in every genetic component of our bodies. our dna is different. we’re just different. we were meant to complement each other not to compete with each other.
the root problem in a lot of marriages i’ve seen is the power struggle between two very insecure people. and the issue is who’s going to be in control. there’s a constant battle and it’s revealing insecurity.
now if these are the fears that disconnect us what causes us to reconnect to those we love? the answer is honesty. because fear makes us dishonest. we hide our feeling. we hide our faults. we hide our fears. dishonesty of course destroys relationships.
1 john 1.7 (niv), if we live in the light as GOD is in the light, we can share fellowship with each other.
fellowship means a close relationship, a connection which comes from living in the light, living out in the open, being honest, being authentic, being truthful. and GOD is in the light because GOD is always honest. GOD cannot lie. GOD always tells the truth.
great relationships are built on trust. and you don't trust people who lie to you. you don’t trust people who don’t tell you the truth. so if you don’t tell the truth in your relationship there’s not going to be any trust. and if there’s not any trust you don’t have a relationship. you’re disconnected. so it starts with being honest.
just a thought from the front porch…
fear and insecurity demand that i must always be in control. the more insecure i am the more i have to be in control. the opposite is true also. the more secure i am as a person, the less i need to be in control. i don’t need it. but if i'm insecure and if i'm fearful i'm going to try to grab for control, i must always have my own way. i must always have the last word. we’ve got to do it my way. i demand my rights. all of those statements are symbols of insecurity.
sin destroyed the perfect relationship and thus began the battle of the sexes. in genesis 3.16 (ber), GOD tells eve, you will be drawn to your husband yet he will dominate you.
that wasn’t GOD’s plan or idea. but that’s what happened when fear entered the relationship.
sadly GOD’s ideal was destroyed. instead of complementing each other, husbands and wives started competing with each other. GOD made women and men totally different for a purpose. we’re different in every genetic component of our bodies. our dna is different. we’re just different. we were meant to complement each other not to compete with each other.
the root problem in a lot of marriages i’ve seen is the power struggle between two very insecure people. and the issue is who’s going to be in control. there’s a constant battle and it’s revealing insecurity.
now if these are the fears that disconnect us what causes us to reconnect to those we love? the answer is honesty. because fear makes us dishonest. we hide our feeling. we hide our faults. we hide our fears. dishonesty of course destroys relationships.
1 john 1.7 (niv), if we live in the light as GOD is in the light, we can share fellowship with each other.
fellowship means a close relationship, a connection which comes from living in the light, living out in the open, being honest, being authentic, being truthful. and GOD is in the light because GOD is always honest. GOD cannot lie. GOD always tells the truth.
great relationships are built on trust. and you don't trust people who lie to you. you don’t trust people who don’t tell you the truth. so if you don’t tell the truth in your relationship there’s not going to be any trust. and if there’s not any trust you don’t have a relationship. you’re disconnected. so it starts with being honest.
just a thought from the front porch…
Thursday, March 18, 2010
connecting or disconnecting…
i was a youth pastor in el paso, texas and i got a letter from my dad who had held a series of meetings in the church where margaret ann fletcher was a teenager. he said, bill you need to see margaret. she has really grown up.
back when i was a teenager my dad pastored the church that the fletchers went to and margaret was 5 or 6 at the time and she was my buddy. she would sit on my lap in church when i was sitting with my girl friends. she was my real buddy.
my dad left that church and we lost contact and here he was saying after 12 years, bill you need to see margaret. she has really grown up.
well in the summer of 1974 we connected back up and on november 9 of that year i permanently connected with her and she became margaret ann williams. after my connection with GOD this connection with margaret ann fletcher is the most vital connection in my life.
we all want to be connected to those we love. but it’s very easy to get disconnected from them. so what causes us to disconnect from people that we love – parents, children, brothers and sisters, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, close friends. how do we get disconnected? how does a relationship go bad?
i want for us to use as a case study for this the first couple. i'm not talking about obama and michelle. i'm talking about adam and eve.
now you would think that if anybody should have had a perfect relationship it should have been adam and eve. consider this: they had a perfect climate controlled paradise. they had no bills to cause financial worries. they had no job to keep adam late at work. they had no physical defects to get in the way of their romance. they had no television programs to distract them. they had no clothes to choose from so there was never any indecision of “what am i going to wear?” no bad memories or scars from previous relationships. that’s a big one! no one else to compare to. no children to interrupt them and no in-laws to offer advice.
and you’d figure with all that that is a perfect recipe for romance. but the fact is when adam and eve disobeyed GOD sin entered their relationship and it brought a new element. the moment adam and eve disobeyed GOD, fear entered their relationship. and they immediately started blaming each other, they immediately started struggling for control and they immediately started hiding their feelings. and we do the exact same things in our relationships today.
just a thought from the front porch
back when i was a teenager my dad pastored the church that the fletchers went to and margaret was 5 or 6 at the time and she was my buddy. she would sit on my lap in church when i was sitting with my girl friends. she was my real buddy.
my dad left that church and we lost contact and here he was saying after 12 years, bill you need to see margaret. she has really grown up.
well in the summer of 1974 we connected back up and on november 9 of that year i permanently connected with her and she became margaret ann williams. after my connection with GOD this connection with margaret ann fletcher is the most vital connection in my life.
we all want to be connected to those we love. but it’s very easy to get disconnected from them. so what causes us to disconnect from people that we love – parents, children, brothers and sisters, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, close friends. how do we get disconnected? how does a relationship go bad?
i want for us to use as a case study for this the first couple. i'm not talking about obama and michelle. i'm talking about adam and eve.
now you would think that if anybody should have had a perfect relationship it should have been adam and eve. consider this: they had a perfect climate controlled paradise. they had no bills to cause financial worries. they had no job to keep adam late at work. they had no physical defects to get in the way of their romance. they had no television programs to distract them. they had no clothes to choose from so there was never any indecision of “what am i going to wear?” no bad memories or scars from previous relationships. that’s a big one! no one else to compare to. no children to interrupt them and no in-laws to offer advice.
and you’d figure with all that that is a perfect recipe for romance. but the fact is when adam and eve disobeyed GOD sin entered their relationship and it brought a new element. the moment adam and eve disobeyed GOD, fear entered their relationship. and they immediately started blaming each other, they immediately started struggling for control and they immediately started hiding their feelings. and we do the exact same things in our relationships today.
just a thought from the front porch
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