let’s review…

we are about done here on the front porch with this subject of fighting and arguments but first let’s review.

james 4.10 (niv), humble yourself before the LORD and HE will lift you up.

GOD doesn’t want to keep you down on the ground.  the way to honor is humility.  if you want to be honored by your husband/wife/the LORD, it means humility.  coming and saying, “GOD i give up.  i can’t do it on my own.  i need your power to resist the devil when he says, ‘live for yourself.’”  i grow closer to GOD and spend time with HIM and i’m willing to ask forgiveness.

which of these desires causes the most conflict in your life?  maybe it’s the desire to have and you’re so busy out there making a living that you forget to make a life.  hustling, day in and day out, to make a buck but your relationships are falling apart. 

maybe it’s a desire to feel good.  “i have my rights.”  that’s something the devil likes to say an awful lot but that’s the exact opposite the scripture is saying, think about other people, not just yourself.  what are their needs?  but i’d really rather think about what i need right now than what my family needs

how about the desire to be?  do you find it difficult to admit it when you're wrong?  that’s going to cause conflict.  do you find your schedule pushing out time for the LORD?  then re-evaluate your schedule.  make time for the things that are important.

in the first three verses of this chapter, four times it says you’re unsatisfied –“you want but you don’t get”, “you strive for but you can’t have”.  you’re unsatisfied.  many people in life are unsatisfied with the way they are living.  the secret of satisfaction is in JESUS CHRIST.  give yourself to HIM and find your needs met in HIM rather than other people.  HE will never let you down.

just a thought from the front porch…,

forgiveness and conflicts…

now in dealing with this problem of conflicts with other people, james here in chapter 4 says to give in to GOD, get wise to satan, draw closer to GOD and then be willing to ask forgiveness.  this is very difficult for a prideful person.

if you want to stop conflicts in your life, if you want to get along with other people, learn to ask forgiveness from GOD and from those you’ve hurt.  james 4.8-9 (niv), wash your hands…and purify your hearts.

our hands represent our conduct and hearts represent attitudes.  he’s saying, clean up your act.  and then verse 9 (nlt), let there be tears for what you have done.

in other words, don’t minimize what’s happened.  take it seriously.  be sorry for your self-centeredness.  it’s a big deal when your wife’s feelings are hurt, or your husband’s, or kid’s.  take it seriously.  if someone says you’ve hurt them, you’ve hurt them.  it may not be a big deal to you, but it is to them.  be willing to ask forgiveness.

now is there someone who keeps coming to mind while we have been dealing with conflict?  would you like to begin to resolve the conflict with that person?  how do you do it?  are you willing to go and apologize for your part?  maybe they are 95% wrong and you are only 5% at fault, but you take care of your 5% and let GOD handle the other 95% in their life.  their response is their response.

“i know we’ve had our differences and i know i haven't always been thoughtful.  a lot of times i’ve thought more about myself than your needs.”  how humbling that would be.  right?  because GOD gives grace to the humble!

if you want to change, the only way you're going to change is to want to be humble and the only way to be humble is to go and ask forgiveness. 

it’s hard but do you want to change?  do you want to reduce the conflict?  maybe the way you do it is by cracking the door open by your taking the first step even if they are primarily at fault.  admit what you’ve brought into the relationship that was wrong.  it’s humbling, sure but GOD gives grace to the humble.

maybe this week you need to write a letter, make a call, make some restitution even to that person that irritates you – joyce landorff calls an irregular person – those heavenly sandpapers that irritate you.  take the first step.

just a thought from the front porch…

the real issue…

humility is a difficult action that goes against the way we have been programed in the society in which we live.  we see it as a weakness instead of a strength but it is the cure for pride which is the cause for conflicts and arguments.

now in the the 4^th chapter of james he gives several specific practical actions that need to be taken in order to stop the fighting.  here is how you diffuse a conflict, whether it is between you and your child, you and your wife, husband, you and someone at work. 

james 4.7 (msg) says, so let GOD work HIS will in you. that is a humbling thing to do isn’t it?

in other words, let GOD be GOD in your life.  give HIM control.  put HIM in charge.  yield yourself to this is the starting point.  quit trying to run your own life.

in verse 1 (ncv) it says, the selfish desires that war within you. james says that conflict that happens with other people happens because you have conflict on the inside.  you don’t get along with other people because you’ve got a civil war in your own life.  this is the real issue.

so the starting point is getting peace inside before you can have peace outside.  find peace of mind, find peace in your heart. 

you see, the real conflict is inside of you – who’s in charge of my life.  now if you’re in charge, then anytime somebody comes along that doesn’t go the way you want to go, then you get uptight.  you get irritable.  you get upset.  you want things just the way you want them to go and when they don’t go that way, it makes you mad.  but if GOD’s in control, in charge of your life, it doesn’t irritate you as much.

just a thought from the front porch…

where we get the power to change…

we are looking at the fact that having pride brings conflict in our relationships.    it does.  in fact james here in chapter 4 shows that it brings great conflict in our relationship with GOD.  verse 6, (msg) says, it’s common knowledge that GOD goes against the willful proud.  HE is against you if you are selfish, if you are proud.

have you noticed that GOD has unique ways to pop our pride?  just about the time i think, “i’ve got it all together!  i don’t need Him”, HE puts me in my place.  there’s no way we’re going to win.

so if pride is the cause of arguments – and that’s the case james is making,  “ i‘m going to have to have my way when i want it, my time, my place” –  then what is the cure?

the second part of verse 6 and verse 10 says (msg), GOD gives grace to the willing humble...get serious, really serious. get down on your knees before the MASTER. 

what is grace?  grace is GOD’s power to change.  what would you like to change about yourself?  what is it you need grace in?  what do you want to change about your relationships, your marriage, your family? 

whatever you would like to change, you need grace.  you can’t change it on your own.  you need GOD’s power and that’s called grace.  grace is the power to change and there is only one way you get grace.  you willingly humble yourself.

GOD doesn’t give grace to people who are full of pride who think, “i can do it on my own.”  HE gives it when we come and ask, “GOD, i need YOUr help”, and that’s where we get the power to make the changes we’d like to see.

just a thought from the front porch…

who get’s top billing?...

joseph didn’t miss GOD’s opportunity when it came because of the kind of faith he had, the kind of wisdom that he had.  and the kind of humility he had. 

genesis 41.16 (ncv),  joseph answered the king, “i am not able to explain the meaning of dreams, but GOD will do this for the king.”

he had the humility to recognize the source of his dreams.  he is able to say, “i can’t do it but GOD will.”  would you be able to do that?  the greatest opportunity you’ve ever had and guess who gets the credit?  GOD.  that’s what it means to be a person of faith, giving GOD top billing in our lives. 

samuel morris invented the morris code and changed the way we communicated in this country but he was also a believer.  he said about his invention of the telegraph.  “i’ve made a valuable application of electricity not because i was superior to other men but solely because GOD, who meant it for mankind, had to reveal it to someone and HE was pleased to reveal it to me.”  that’s somebody with a healthy self-image i think, somebody who realizes, “GOD wanted to use me.”  he doesn’t deny the fact that GOD used him but he also realized that GOD was revealing it to him.

that CHRISTmas song we sing, “o little town of bethlehem” was written by a preacher by the name of phillip brooks.  he had this to say about humility, “humility is not stooping so low trying to make ourselves smaller than ourselves.  true humility is standing at our full height up against the greatness of the almighty GOD comparing ourselves to HIM.  when you do that you experience true humility.” 

don’t buy into the world’s brand of humility that says you have to make yourselves smaller.  just make GOD greater.  that’s the road to humility in our lives and joseph had it.  because he made GOD greatest throughout his life. 

just a thought from the front porch…

keeping the doors open...

the truth of the matter is we all have a terminal illness called sin.  the reason that those of us who are CHRISTians cling to JESUS CHRIST is because HE is the great physician.  HE’s the only one who has the medication that can cure.  we can try to scrub away our sins by doing good deeds.  it’s not going to work.  we can ignore it and hope it all goes away.  but it won’t disappear.  we can sincerely think there is another way of dealing with it.  but we will be sincerely wrong.  the truth of the matter is, only the great physician offers the treatment that will erase the stain of our sin.  and we turn to GOD, JESUS CHRIST, as that one way it’s not being narrow-minded.  we’re acting in accordance with the evidence. 

CHRIStians aren’t putting on airs by saying this is the only way.  

the way i picture it is two country clubs.  one country club represents every other religious system that i’ve ever heard of.  and this country club says, “if you want to have a membership you have to pay for that membership if you want in.  you have to achieve a certain level of SPIRITuality.  you have to perform a certain number of religious rituals.  but the truth of the matter is many of you are not going to make it.  you’re going to fall short.  you’re not going to achieve the appropriate level and the door is going to be slammed in your face.”  that’s what every other religion i’ve ever seen essentially says. 

CHRISTianity is different.  CHRISTianity is like a country club with the doors wide open: “you want in, come on in.  you don’t have to buy your membership.  JESUS CHRIST has already bought and paid for it with his death on the cross.  coming into our country club is not based on your qualifications.  it’s just merely based on you accepting the invitation of JESUS.  the doors are open.  i don’t care if you’re rich or poor.  i don’t care if you’re black or white.  i don’t care what part of the country you’re from.  i don't care what you age is.  it’s up to you.  you decide if you want to come join our country club.  it is your decision.  but i'm going to keep the doors open.  i'm going to keep them open because i really hope that you will come in and experience what we’ve experienced in this way.”

that is what CHRISTianity is about.  you tell me which approach is snobbish.  i don’t think it’s CHRISTianity.  in fact, JESUS in the bible tells us very clearly as CHRISTians we’re to be anything but arrogant in what we believe.  we’re to be humble.  the bible says in 1 peter 3.15-16 (niv), always be prepared to give an answer to anyone who asks you to give a reason for the hope that you have.  what that means is all CHRISTians should be able to tell people about the credibility and the credentials of JESUS CHRIST and why it is that HE is their hope for eternal life. 

but then it says, do this with gentleness and with respect.  we are to respect people of all cultures, in all places.  we’re to love them and we’re to be humble.                         

just a thought from the front porch…

a tremendous realization...

let’s review the basics:

1) there is nothing that you can do that will ever make GOD love you more than HE does right now already. nothing.

2) there is nothing you can ever do that will ever make GOD love you any less than HE already does right now. you can’t make HIM love you less because HIS love is based on who HE is – a loving GOD.

every one of you – every one of us – have an area of habitual failure. that’s the sin you keep stumbling over. it’s that habit. it may be your temper. it may be your words. it may be lust. it may be impatience. a million different things. but it’s an area that you just keep stumbling over. so here’s what happens:

when you blow it and you fail in that area, you come to GOD and say, “GOD, i’m so sorry. please forgive me.” and GOD says, “of course I forgives you.” if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all sin. 1 john 1.9 (niv)

then the next day you go out and blow it again. you come back: “GOD, i did it again. i’m sorry. i need forgiveness. i need cleansing. and i need your power to change.” GOD says “ok.”

on the third day, you’re starting to get a little nervous. you’re coming back with the same sin. “i’m really sorry.” and GOD says, “i forgive you.” ten minutes later you do it again. now you’re really embarrassed. i hate to come back to GOD. you tend to even stop asking for forgiveness because it’s the same thing over and over. you think GOD’s sitting up in heaven saying, “the same ones? can’t you think of any new sins to do? you’ve got the same old sin over and over. how boring!” and you say, “how can i ask GOD to forgive me?

i keep falling and falling in this same area.” you sometimes even stop asking for forgiveness because you don’t think you’re ever going to change.

two things about that area of habitual sin:

1) GOD never gets tired of forgiving you. HE will forgive you fifteen hundred times a day if you were SPIRITually sensitive enough to ask. GOD does not get tired of forgiving you for the same sin over and over. it is GOD’s nature to be forgiving.

2) if you’re really serious about changing an area of habitual failure, here’s the key: you’ve got to find someone who will hold you accountable. you say, “anything but that! i don’t want to tell anybody about that.” that’s why you can’t change. the bible says, GOD gives grace to the humble. your pride is keeping you from changing. you can’t figure it out. if you could, you would have changed ten years ago and you haven’t. it’s still there. as long as you think, “me and JESUS. i’m going to figure it all out and i don’t need anybody to tell me what it’s all about,” you’re not going to change.

just a thought from the front porch…

four words that change things…

don’t hang around angry people. some of you might be thinking, “what if the angry person is somebody in my family? how do i handle this?

that’s an honest question. what if it’s my husband/wife, how do i deal with that? the bible has an answer for this, too. it tells what to do in our closest relationships to make sure that anger doesn’t continually happen in those relationships. this is a great verse for you to memorize. proverbs 15.1 (msg), a gentle response diffuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles the fire. this is a verse that you want to use toward yourself – internally.

in the midst of an argument, you want to use it for yourself, not like on someone else. you don’t look at someone else and say, a gentle response diffuses anger.

gentle does not mean be quiet. you can be quietly sarcastic or harsh and cause just as much anger. in your relationship, let’s say you are the quieter one when you argue. but you can be just as harsh. there’s a word that i can use – a single word – that can push my wife, margaret’s buttons. it is when i say “dear!” there’s nothing at all gentle about that as quietly as i might say it. gentle does not mean quiet. it means humble. it means i’m thinking about the other person in this moment. it means i’m taking just enough of a step back and thinking what might they need.

that means that in dealing with anger there is a loving phrase that we need to learn to say – “i could be wrong.” try that just once this week and see what happens. see how it changes things.

just a thought from the front porch…

the safest and soundest thing to do…

you may still be under the illusion that you are in control of your life. but one day something tiny is going to happen in your finances or your family or your relationships or your health or your career, and it’s going to get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger until finally you are confronted with the fact that you are not GOD. and you’re not in control of your life. and the safest and soundest thing to do is surrender yourself to your CREATOR and say, “JESUS CHRIST, YOU be at the driver’s wheel. YOU be in charge. YOU call the shots. YOU be the director, the chairman of the board in my life.” i hope you won’t wait until that happens and humble yourself before GOD.

some of you, possibly, have been in church all your lives. and you’re really a “good” person. you’re religious, and you know the prayers and the terminology, and everybody would think you’re a CHRISTian. but you’re not really because you’ve never really surrendered your total life to JESUS CHRIST. that’s why GOD brought you here to the front porch today, so you could do it. there is not a better time than right now to make that surrender. life is so much more focused when you do that. what would keep you from that? only one thing – arrogance, pride. “i’m going to call the shots. i’m going to be my own god.” and that is a fatal mistake. it puts you in opposition with the ONE who loves you, died for you and created you. why don’t you surrender your life to HIM right now?

today, you’ve realized you’ve never really surrendered your life to CHRIST. maybe you’ve even realized there’s a little more pride in your life than you thought. which of these four habits do you need to work on this week? how quickly do you adjust to the needs of others around you? do you give deference to their preference? how eager are you to listen and to learn from correction? do you get defensive? how quickly do you admit it when you are wrong? have you ever done that? it takes courage to be humble. how willing are you to surrender your plans to GOD? GOD says, the people that I treasure the most are the humble. if you want GOD’s blessing in your life, would you pray this prayer?

dear GOD, i want to be the kind of humble person that YOU can bless. i admit that i often do things out of selfishness and pride and what other people might think of me. i ask you to help me this week to practice these habits of humility. help me to give preference to others – their needs, their interests. help me to not always have my own way. help me to be open to correction and even criticism. help me to admit it when i’m wrong. today, i surrender all my life and plans to YOU. i want YOUr will for my life. help me to have a realistic view of both my strengths and my weaknesses. JESUS CHRIST, i turn over the controls of my life to YOU. and i humbly ask YOU to be the director of my life. i want to depend upon YOU from this day forward. in YOUr name i pray. amen.

just a thought from the front porch…

three requirements in life by GOD…

micah 6.8 (Gw), this is what the LORD requires from you. that you do what is right, to love mercy and you live humbly with your GOD.

GOD says there’s only three things required in life. what does GOD require or want from me? HE tells us real clearly here in micah 6.8: do what is right, love mercy [that means have good relationships, show forgiveness and mercy and love to people] and walk humbly before GOD. if you do those three things, you’ve done all that GOD requires of you in life. do the right thing, love mercy [show it to other people] and walk humbly before GOD. that simplifies life enormously. you say, “GOD, here are the things i need to do today – do the right thing, show love in my relationships, and walk humbly before YOU.”

we need to pray this next verse, psalm 119:37 (lb), GOD, turn me away from wanting any other plan than YOUrs. humility is surrendering your plans to GOD for HIS.

so much of our lives we live with the myth of being in control. we think we’re controlling our destiny, our careers, our families, etc. we’re not in control of any of that. it’s all an illusion. you cannot even guarantee your next breath. if GOD didn’t give it to you, you cannot even guarantee your next breath. you can control your responses in life, you can control your reactions in life and you can control your attitudes in life, but you can’t control anything that’s going to happen to you. you don’t even know what it’s going to be, much less control it. it’s all a myth.

jeff friend writes, “i was reared in a CHRISTian home, and i was active in church activities. i was the perfect CHRISTian. or at least that’s what i wanted everybody to believe. it was the perfect scam. i knew all the right CHRISTian phrases and appropriate prayers. i spent a lifetime building elaborate walls and defenses to keep people from seeing the real me. then one day i got a tiny mosquito bite. it kept itching, and after a few days the welt had gotten so huge, i visited the doctor. he tried everything to stop the pain and swelling but nothing worked. within another week, the constant pain in my leg was indescribable. i was in agony. i was referred to a surgeon who diagnosed it as a brown recluse spider bite. the next two years were a procession of surgeries and treatments, but none of them worked. i was in constant pain, depression and had a marriage falling apart. years of keeping people, including my wife, at a distance had taken its toll. i knew i needed JESUS CHRIST to be in control of my life, but my pride kept me from giving up to his control. i made an appointment with one of our pastors and said with tears in my eyes, ‘i’ve been around church all my life. everybody will tell you that i am a CHRISTian. but it’s a lie. all a lie. i’ve never really accepted CHRIST. i’ve never really completely surrendered my life to HIM.’” the pastor then led him in a humble commitment prayer. he said, “when i did, years of pent-up frustration came out, and i felt complete peace and forgiveness and freedom. i gave up control of my life, and i let GOD take over. since then, i have felt completely released from the secrets and the self-made prison i was in. it was amazing. it is also amazing to me to realize how GOD used something as insignificant as a little insect bite to show me how much i needed HIM and to draw me to HIM.”

just a thought from the front porch…

the antidote to stress…

now GOD says, take up MY yoke upon you and learn from ME for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. matthew 11.29 (niv)

humility is the antidote to stress. humility is the key. the more humble you are, the less stressed you’re going to be. why? JESUS says this, take my yoke upon you. what is a yoke? a yoke is a double piece of wood where you harness cattle together to pull one wagon. the purpose of the yoke is always to make the load lighter, to make the load easier. you’ve got two cattle pulling the wagon load of crops rather than one.

that is a simple symbol of two things. first, it’s a symbol of partnership. JESUS says, “if you’ll hook up with ME, if you’ll connect to ME, if you’ll take MY yoke upon you, I’ll help pull the load.” whenever you’re trying to pull the load on your own, you get under stress. so you must humble yourself. “get connected to ME, and i’ll partner with you in life.” and anytime you get disconnected from JESUS CHRIST, you’re going to get under stress. any time. and every time you get reconnected to JESUS CHRIST under his yoke, the stress level is going to go down in your life.

it’s also a symbol of control. when you put a yoke on two animals, they have to go in the same direction and they have to go at the same pace. JESUS said, “if you’ll take my yoke upon you, then i will set the direction for your life, and i will set the pace for your life, and you won’t get stressed out.” HE says, “my yoke is easy.” most of you are thinking, “my yoke isn’t easy. i’ve got a heavy schedule. i can’t even tell you all the stuff i have to get done this next week. it’s a heavy load.”

is your life a heavy load? it’s your yoke, and not GOD’s. you’re following your plans for your life, which GOD never intended for you to do, instead of HIS plans. HIS plans, HE says, “my yoke is easy, my burden is light and you’ll find rest for your soul.” HE says, “hook up with ME. I will not only help you with the direction of your life, but I will set the pace.” and HE knows just the pace that’s right for you. not too fast and not too slow.

humility is giving up control of your life to GOD your CREATOR WHO made you. that’s the ultimate act of humility. “GOD, you call the shots. YOU’re in charge. i’m yoking up with YOU. i’m connecting to YOU.” when i do that, my stress goes down.

just a thought from the front porch…

so what is the truth about you?…

have you come to the point in your life when you say, “GOD, i’m not going with my plan any more? i’m going totally with YOUr plan for my life. i don’t know what it is, but i’m already signing my name on the check saying, ‘yes, LORD. whatever YOU want to fill in is fine with me.’ ” that is surrendering your plans to GOD.

there is a quote from that great theologian clint eastwood. in the movie “dirty harry,” harry says, “a man’s got to know his limitations.” but since i’m a retired pastor i have to make it sound spiritual, and so, “blessed is the man who knows his limitations.”

humility is actually being in touch with your humanity. it’s not putting yourself down, laying it on and saying, “i’m nothing! i’m worthless!” it’s realizing that you’re both a bundle of strengths and weaknesses. it’s not denying your strengths; it’s being honest about your weaknesses.

pride is always based on a false evaluation of yourself. you narrow your field of reference so you can be a big fish in a little pond and you start thinking how great you are, and you haven’t taken the whole globe into perspective. pride is always based on a lie. it is a false evaluation of your own talents, your own ability and where you got it. everything you have, even your talent, is a gift from GOD. you don’t own it, you didn’t deserve it, you didn’t work for it, GOD gave it to you. you have nothing without GOD.

humility, on the other hand, is an accurate, unbiased, understanding of your strengths and your weaknesses. you realize that you have limitations. it starts with the truth.

so what is the truth about you? the bible says you’re infinitely loved by GOD, you’re gifted, and you’re deeply flawed. all three of those things are true. you’re very gifted, you’re deeply flawed, you are a sinner, as all of us are, and you are deeply loved because GOD’s love is not based on your performance.

so much of the stress in your life and in my life comes from doing things GOD never intended for us to do. so we make our plans. we say, “i can do more. i can achieve more. i can be more. i can have it all.” you cannot have it all. you have limits. so you have to recognize that. GOD would never ask you to do more than HE gives you the power, the energy and the time to do. which means this: if you’re constantly under stress, you are doing some things that GOD never intended for you to do and you’re being pushed by your own pride, not by GOD’s plan. you need to understand your limitations. you’re not GOD. you’re not even superman or superwoman. you have limits.

just a thought from the front porch…

is GOD opposing or consulting?...

another way you can practice courageous humility is to practice surrendering your plans to GOD.

this is what we usually do. we make our plans without even consulting GOD. then we pray and ask GOD to bless our plans, which we didn’t ask HIM to be a part of. we assume that our plans are HIS will. then when our plans don’t happen on the timetable we want them to happen or they don’t happen at all, we get angry at GOD. that’s called pride. GOD hates pride. HE’s very serious about pride.

james 4.6-7 (cev) says, GOD opposes everyone who’s proud but HE gives grace to everyone who is humble. so surrender to GOD. you don’t want GOD to oppose you.

i can think of a lot of people i wouldn’t want to have as an opponent, opposing me. i would not want to be in a boxing ring opposed by evander holifield in his day. i would not want to be on a basketball court opposed by lebron james. i would not want to be opposed by bill gates at an auction. there’s no way i’m going to be winning that one.

but i really don’t want to be opposed by GOD, because there’s no way i’m going to win that battle. the bible says that when i am prideful, GOD is not just mildly irritated at me. HE’s in opposition to me at that very moment. i’m playing GOD. GOD’s opposed to me. i’m an enemy of GOD any time i get full of pride. that’s how serious it is. so he says, surrender yourself to GOD. what does it mean to surrender yourself and your plans to GOD?

romans 6.13 (tev) says, give yourselves to GOD and surrender your whole being to HIM to be used for HIS righteous purpose.

surrendering means, “GOD, i’m going with YOUr plans for my life, not my own. GOD, i’ve got plans, i’ve got dreams, i’ve got goals, i’ve got ambitions, but i know that YOU put me on this earth for a reason, for a purpose, and GOD, i’m going to intentionally choose YOUr plan for my life instead of my own. i know YOU’re not going to reveal it to me all at once. it’s going to come a little bit at a time, so i’m going to take it a step at a time, but i want to go with YOUr plan, not mine.” that’s humility. that’s called being humble, surrendering your plans to GOD.

just a thought from the front porch…

it is a major step in healing relationships…

another practical way to practice being humble is to practice admitting when i’m wrong.

this comes a little easier for some than it does for others. the truth of it is, all of us make mistakes. and we do so with great regularity. i have found that we even say we’re wrong to a degree. it’s easy to say, “i was wrong,” if i only have to own that for a minute and then go back into attack mode. i can throw it back in another direction. “i was wrong. but you…” or “i’m really sorry, but if only you had…” or we start this excuse making, because of this or because of that. it’s all of this sugar coating. when in fact what we need is brutal, humble honesty. “i own it. i was wrong. i’m sorry.” it’s so difficult for us these days to really just come out with the hard news of what’s going on in our life – the truth about who we really are.

i heard a story of a woman who was traveling on business away from her husband and kids and left him home to hold down the fort for her children. she called back one night to see how things were going, and he said, “not so good. the poodle died today.” she said, “that’s bad news, but what’s worse is the way you delivered that news to me. you could have kind of eased me into it, kind of built me up to that news, let me get ready for it. like the first night i call home, you could have said, ‘honey, somehow the poodle got up on the roof.’ then the next night i called you could have said, ‘the poodle fell off the roof and isn’t doing so well.’ then the third night you could have said, ‘the poodle died.’ then i would have been ready for the bad news.” he said, “i’ll try to do better next time.” she says, “well, let’s just change the subject. you’re home with the kids, watching over the house, i know that my mom came down for a visit. i know that you don’t like her very much. how’s that going? how’s mom doing?” he said, “she’s on the roof.”

we try to sugarcoat the bad news, but honesty and humility go a long way.

the bible talks about this. proverbs 28.13 (lb) says, a man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful, but if he confesses and forsakes them he gets another chance.

i don’t know your background. some of us might have grown up in homes where we didn’t hear people say, “i’m sorry.” no one ever admitted, “i’m wrong.” so now we’re imitating that behavior and we find it a challenge to ever come clean in the workplace or in the classroom or in the home and say, “i was wrong.” somehow we believe if people come to know that we’re less than perfect, our esteem in their eyes will diminish. guess what? they already know you’re not perfect.

the first step in healing relationships will always begin with humility. james 5.16 (msg) says, make this your common practice. again practice. it’s a very profound concept that we are talking about. the fact that we can choose to be humble and we can practice it and become good at it. make this your common practice. confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so you can live together whole and healed.

just a thought from the front porch…

do you want fewer conflicts?...

do realize that you’ll have fewer conflicts if you’re open to the correction of others? this is a tough one. proverbs 13.10 (ncv) says, pride only leads to arguments.

that is a great verse for married couples to memorize. pride only leads to arguments. anytime you get in an argument you can know that pride is rearing its ugly head.

i hope you’ll memorize that verse and put it in your mind. sometime this week you’ll get in an argument with somebody you love or somebody you don’t love, and GOD’s going to say, “remember that verse? pride only leads to arguments. you can calm it down if you will reduce the pride in your life and you’ll have a more humble attitude and you can see what’s causing the problem. it’s always, always behind any argument – pride is rearing its ugly head.

now every time you are criticized, GOD is testing you. anytime you are criticized, GOD is testing you to see if you are going to respond in a defensive way, an offensive way or a humble way.

here is something else. do you ever catch yourself relational skimming? it’s when your schedule gets so full and so busy and so overloaded you stop having time for the most important people in your life – your kids, your husband, your wife, your friends, relatives, people you care about. and you just don’t have time for them. if you’re married, sometimes it’s like two ships passing in the night – as you’re going out the door, they’re coming in the door. you have little snippets of time for each other, but you’re not getting real quality time. you’re skimming on your relationships.

i wonder how many lonely wives are reading this right now. or lonely husbands. or lonely children. or lonely grandparents. because in our prideful desire to do more and get more and be more or have more and do our plans and our agenda, people get skimmed who we should be caring about. who do you need to go to and ask the question this week, “what’s wrong in my life?”

do you have the guts to do that? humility is not for wimps. it’s not for pansies. it’s not for passive, low self-esteem people – insecure people. do you have the courage to go to the person who knows you best and ask, “what’s out of whack in my schedule? what’s out of whack in my values? in my life? what is out of priority? what’s wrong?” it takes enormous courage to be humble. who do you need to ask?

just a thought from the front porch

do you want to be wise or appear wise?…

there’s another way we can give preference to others. that’s by doing more listening than talking. james 1.19 (niv) says, be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. we get those first two reversed. we are slow to listen, quick to speak.

another practical way you can practice humility is to practice learning from others.

a major component of humility is teachability, being willing to listen and willing to learn, willing to grow, open to suggestions and corrections from other people. you don’t think you know it all. you don’t act like you know it all.

why should you do that? there are two or three really good reasons.

one, you’ll be more likable. the bible says in proverbs 15.12 (tev), conceited people do not like to be corrected. they never ask for advice.

again, pride, at its root, is insecurity. “i’m afraid that i’ll show that i really don’t know much.”

do you enjoy being around arrogant people? of course not. they’re irritating. they’re a pain in the blessed assurance. one of the things humility does is it makes you more likable.

two, you’ll be wiser if you’re open to the correction of other people. proverbs 15.32 (nlt) says, if you reject criticism you only harm yourself. but if you listen to correction you grow in understanding.

humble people are always learning because they’re open to correction. everybody’s ignorant, just on different subjects. you know some things that i don’t know, and i know some things that maybe you don’t know. we all come from different backgrounds.

that’s why two heads are better than one and it’s wise to learn from the experience of others. you don’t have time in life to learn everything from personal experience. the way to do that is by learning to ask questions. the only way to learn to ask questions is if you’re humble, if you’re open.

you’ve got to decide in life whether you want to be wise or appear wise. whether you want to be smart or appear smart. if you want to appear smart, then you can’t ever let on that you don’t know, so you always have to boast your way through situations and you never do really learn anything.

just a thought from the front porch…

JESUS put us before HIMself…

another way that you can give preference to others is to help other people get ahead.

CHRIST is the great example of this. HE gave preference to us. like a slave, like a servant, HE laid down HIS own preferences so that you and i could get ahead.

look at in philippians 2:3-8 (msg), don’t push your way to the front. put yourself aside and help others get ahead. don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. forget yourself long enough to lend a helping hand. think of yourselves the way JESUS thought of HIMself. HE was GOD but HE took on the status of a slave an incredibly humbling process. HE didn’t claim special privileges. instead HE lived a selfless obedient life.

think of the humble life JESUS lived, coming from heaven to earth, born in a stable. on the weekend when HE was making a very public entrance into the city of jerusalem, most of the bible scholars of that day thought the messiah would come in triumphantly as a military victor, maybe on the back of a white stallion. the SON of GOD instead chose to come into the city on the back of donkey. then HE died a criminal’s death. why? because in HIS death, you and i are given the opportunity to have life. JESUS put our preferences ahead of HIS own.

that's what it means to be a CHRIST follower.

just a thought from the front porch…

just practice…

1 john 3.18 (niv) says, let us not just talk about love. let us practice real love. so here on the front porch we’re going to look at some practical ways that you can practice humility. one practical way is to practice giving preference to others.

think about the situations in your life that are difficult to give preference to another person. you let someone else go first. i thought of a couple scenarios, and maybe you can relate to these. imagine you are standing in the checkout line at your grocery store. it’s the longest, slowest line. you’re waiting there. you’re in a hurry. the guy behind you is hitting you with the cart. then all of a sudden you hear these words over the intercom, “lane 4 is now open.” what are you going to do in that moment?

one i would call the rambo approach. you knock down small children and old women, and you go right for lane 4.

another would be, “take a ham, put it under your shirt and say, ‘lady with a baby!’ and make your way to line 4.”

another would be – misdirection. pointing the wrong way, and saying, “lane 4 is open!” then make a mad dash the right way.

let me give you another scenario. you’re in the parking lot and you see one spot open. three cars are going for that same spot. what do you do? a) hit the gas. b) hit the breaks. c) let the other guy go in front of you and then you park somewhere else. it’s your choice.

here’s what the bible has to say about it. romans 12.10 (nas) says, give preference to one another in honor.

leonard bernstein, who was the famous orchestra conductor, was asked what is the most difficult instrument in the orchestra to play? he said, “second fiddle.”

that’s true. everybody wants the top spot. only one person can have that premiere chair. everybody else had to be backup. but without everybody else, there is no symphony. it took all the parts, all the harmony, everybody doing their part to make it work. only one is going to have that preeminent place.

how about the rest of us in the many facets of life practicing being second fiddle? to paraphrase the verse we just read, romans 12.10 (message paraphrase), practice playing second fiddle. just go ahead and find some categories in your life where you can let someone else get the spotlight and you can give some preference and deference to them.

just a thought from the front porch…

what is it?...

now GOD promises more about humility than almost anything except maybe giving. here are a few.

GOD saves the humble. GOD supports the humble. GOD promises to guide the humble. GOD gives wisdom to the humble. GOD will rescue the humble. HE promises to exalt the humble. over and over again, GOD says, I will honor you if you’re humble. with humility comes honor.

on the other hand GOD hates pride. there are seven things that GOD hates. the #1 is pride. pride is what got satan kicked out of heaven.

now if GOD has promised all these things about humility, what is it? we know what it’s not. what is it?

because humility is a part of love – love is humble – the bible teaches us that humility is something you do. it is a way of thinking and a way of acting. it has nothing to do with your feelings. you say, “i don’t feel very humble.” that doesn’t matter. in fact, how you feel is quite immaterial. humility is a way of acting. it is something you do. it is a way of thinking. because of that – like love, humility is a choice. you choose to be humble. it’s not something that’s done to you. it’s something that you choose to do yourself.

what is humility? it’s not thinking less of yourself. it’s thinking of others instead of yourself and acting in their best interest instead of your own.

humility means to be other person-centered. it means to think about others and forget yourself. humility is self-forgetfulness. you’re so concerned about other people you’re not even thinking about “what does this mean to me?” so it’s not thinking less of yourself. you just don’t think of yourself at all.

that is a choice, and that’s something you can work on. it’s something you can practice. 1 john 3.18 (niv) says, let us not just talk about love. let us practice real love. please note the word practice. the bible says love is something you can practice, something you can get good at by repeating it over and over and over.

some of you may be thinking, “i don’t need this.” if you feel that, you need it more than anybody else. the amazing thing about pride is we see it instantly in other people and we hate it. but we’re always blind to pride in ourselves. you may be thinking, “i don’t go around exaggerating and talking about myself all the time.” that’s just one of a thousand different expressions of pride or boastfulness. there are many other ways to be prideful than bragging. it is those other forms of pride that are less exposed, more internal, that don’t seem so obvious, that really cause us to stumble.

just a thought from the front porch…

the most misunderstood character quality…

we are looking here on the front porch at what is love?. and it tells us in 1 corinthians 13.4 (tev) that love is not conceited or proud. so if you want to build authentic relationships, you’ve got to learn the characteristic of humility. love is humility.

humility may be the most misunderstood character quality that GOD ever invented. so before we begin looking at what it is, let me explain to you what humility is not. humility is not shyness. it’s not being timid or bashful. it’s not being a weak or spineless wimp. humility is not a lack of confidence. it’s not insecurity. humility is definitely not having a low opinion of yourself. JESUS was very humble and yet HE did not have a low opinion of himself. humility is not being a passive doormat. humility is not having poor self-esteem. humility is not putting yourself down all the time saying, “i’m no good. i’m nothing. i’m worthless. i’m junk.” JESUS never put himself down, and yet HE was the most humble person whoever lived. HE never degraded himself.

as we will see, humility takes enormous amounts of courage. humility takes self-confidence. it takes a high self-esteem. it takes a personal security. in fact, insecure people cannot be humble. they have a very hard time being humble. insecurity produces the exact opposite in our lives. it produces pride. whenever you find somebody who is arrogant, prideful, boastful, egotistical or self-concerned, you can know that they are masking deep insecurity.

insecurity causes us to brag. insecurity causes us to boast. insecurity causes us to exaggerate. it causes us to worry about what other people think of us. it is insecurity that causes us to be hypercritical and judgmental of other people. so rather than pride being a matter of confidence, humility – the exact opposite – is a matter of confidence. JESUS was able to be humble because HE knew exactly who HE was.

just a thought from the front porch…