be smart enough to change before the pain…

now the sixth step.  if you’re serious about defeating a persistent pattern in your life that has defeated you for years and years you have to take this next step.  pick an accountability partner.

the reason why most people never break free from their habits is they’re unwilling to do this.  pick an accountability partner. 

now you need to see the importance of having support if you’re going to break free from your past.  there are some problems in your life you have to team tackle.  they are so big you can’t get well on your own.  you can’t break free on your own.  it’s true with temptations just like it is with past hurts.  you need somebody else in your life.  you’re not going to get well on your own. 

you’ve been trying to break these patterns for a long time.  it isn’t going to happen.  in fact if you’re unwilling to have an accountability partner, stop kidding yourself, you really don’t want to change. 

what happens is we want to change but the fear of change stays there and keeps us from doing it.  and only until the pain exceeds the fear do we change.  we don’t change when we see the light, we change when we feel the heat. 

but i would say to you, don’t get yourself into so much pain that it forces you to change.  be smart enough to change before the pain becomes that intense.  how do you do it?  by getting an accountability partner.

just a thought from the front porch…

let’s stop here and go to prayer…

if you’re ready for a change just pray this prayer in your heart…

dear GOD, you know all the habits and temptations in my life that have tripped me up for years.  you know all the tempting situations that i’m facing right now.  you even know what temptations lay ahead of me this next week that i don’t even know are coming and are going to hit me.  so i’m asking for your help.  but i’m not asking for a miracle.  i’m asking for your strength to take these steps that bill has been talking about here on the front porch.  i am willing to follow your principles so i can change and be free.  help me to clearly see the patterns in my life that lead to temptation.  give me enough strength to start avoiding them and build some boundaries in my life that there’s certain places i don’t go, and certain things i don’t watch, and certain people i don’t hang out with.  LORD, if that means changing jobs or moving so be it.  i want my soul to be saved. 

most importantly, LORD, i need YOU to do some heart surgery on me.  i ask YOU to remove the negative emotions that make me vulnerable to temptation.  would YOU replace the discouragement and the exhaustion or the boredom or the spiritual dryness and emptiness?  would YOU replace the insecurity and the deep wounds and hurts in my heart?  would YOU replace the resentment, the anger, the sadness, the loneliness with YOUr love with YOUr forgiveness, and with YOUr confidence.  i want to learn to trust YOU.  i ask YOU, JESUS CHRIST, to start changing me from the inside out beginning today.  in YOUr name i pray.  amen. 

just a thought from the front porch…

having success with people…

here in the fifth chapter of the nt book of james we see that it is useful to be patient all the time but one of the special times that we need an extra dose of patience is when people won’t change.  when they won’t even try to be difference in their behavior. 

he gives us an example here in verse 10 (msg), take the old prophets as your mentors. they put up with anything, went through everything, and never once quit, all the time honoring GOD.

you might ask, “what was the function of prophets?  what did they do?”  well, they were to help people change, to bring them back to GOD, to help them be different in their behavior.  it was not an easy job.

have you noticed that people resist change?  when you make any little tiny suggestion, they resist you! 

                                                  

do you have anybody in your life right now who refuses to change?  do you know how difficult it is to live with that kind of person?  we need patience with people.  joyce landorf calls these “irregular people” – they are people who only see their own way.  they may never change.  what are you going to do about it?  james says to have patience.

now the word “patience” in the greek is the word “macrothumos” – “macro” meaning “long” and “thumos” (from which we get the word “thermometer”) meaning “heat”.  it literally means “it takes a long time for you to get hot”.  you’ve got a long fuse, you don’t blow up, you don’t get overheated with people. 

if you’re going to be a success with people, you have to learn patience.  if you’re going to be successful parents, you have to have a long fuse.  you don’t get overheated. 

james says you need to be patient when people are unchangeable and won’t cooperate with you. 

just a thought from the front porch…

where we get the power to change…

we are looking at the fact that having pride brings conflict in our relationships.    it does.  in fact james here in chapter 4 shows that it brings great conflict in our relationship with GOD.  verse 6, (msg) says, it’s common knowledge that GOD goes against the willful proud.  HE is against you if you are selfish, if you are proud.

have you noticed that GOD has unique ways to pop our pride?  just about the time i think, “i’ve got it all together!  i don’t need Him”, HE puts me in my place.  there’s no way we’re going to win.

so if pride is the cause of arguments – and that’s the case james is making,  “ i‘m going to have to have my way when i want it, my time, my place” –  then what is the cure?

the second part of verse 6 and verse 10 says (msg), GOD gives grace to the willing humble...get serious, really serious. get down on your knees before the MASTER. 

what is grace?  grace is GOD’s power to change.  what would you like to change about yourself?  what is it you need grace in?  what do you want to change about your relationships, your marriage, your family? 

whatever you would like to change, you need grace.  you can’t change it on your own.  you need GOD’s power and that’s called grace.  grace is the power to change and there is only one way you get grace.  you willingly humble yourself.

GOD doesn’t give grace to people who are full of pride who think, “i can do it on my own.”  HE gives it when we come and ask, “GOD, i need YOUr help”, and that’s where we get the power to make the changes we’d like to see.

just a thought from the front porch…

you can see it in people’s lives…

we are looking in the nt book of james at the characteristics of authentic, real faith.  one thing he shows is that real faith is more than just something you think.  you can point it out and see it in people’s lives.

james 2.18 (niv), someone will say, “you have faith, i have deeds. show me your faith without deeds and i will show you my faith by what i do.”    

there’s a chorus that we sang as kids, “if you're saved and you know it then your life will surely show it.”  that’s what james is saying.  show me.  you claim to have real faith.  it's something more than something you say, something you feel, and something you think about.  you can prove it.

2 corinthians 5.17 (nirv), anyone who believes in CHRIST is a new creation. the old is gone! the new has come!  not over night but they start becoming new.

if you grab onto a 220 wire you’re going to know it.  i don’t see how somebody as big as GOD can enter your life and it not change you.  james says, flat out, if it doesn’t change you there’s a question whether HE’s really in your life.  what can i see in my life that proves it?

jimmy carter in his book, why not the best? said that “one of the things that was the turning point in my life was when someone asked me the question, ‘if you were arrested for being a CHRISTian, would there be enough evidence to convict you?’”

that’s a good question.  that’s what james was talking about.  if you say, “i know it!”  show it!

how do you know you’re a believer?  you’ll see some changes in your life.  real faith always produces change.  real faith is not just something you say.  it's not just something you feel.  it’s not just something you think.

just a thought from the front porch…

off of the negative and onto the goodness…

now all of the sudden in verse 17 of chapter 1, james switches gears.  he starts talking about the goodness of GOD.  it looks like he forgot what he was talking about – at first.  verse 17 (niv), every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the FATHER of the heavenly lights who does not change like shifting shadows.

james is talking about temptation and then all of a sudden he redirects his thoughts to the goodness of GOD.  first he’s talking about something negative and then he’s talking about something positive.  he’s refocusing our attention on something else.  why? because that’s the next step in overcoming temptation.  be realistic, be responsible, be ready, be refocused.  be refocused.  be refocused.

if temptation begins with our inner thoughts then changing what we think about is the key to overcoming it.  that’s the principle of replacement, the key to overcoming temptation.  the key to overcoming temptation is not to fight temptation but simply refocus your thoughts.  change your attention.  shift your thoughts.  change your mind.  refocus.

instead of looking at what you’re being tempted by, just look somewhere else.  refocus.  philippians 4.8 (niv), think on these things, things that are good, positive, just, honest.  focus your mind on the goodness of GOD.

why?  because the more you fight the feeling the more it grabs you.  don’t focus on what you don’t want, focus on what you do want.  turn your attention, be refocused.  get your eyes off of the negative and get your eyes on the goodness of GOD. 

just a thought from the front porch…

the relationship that makes a difference…

so what’s it going to be on this road?  are you going to choose comfort and just make life easy?  or are you going to choose to develop those relationships where change can really begin to happen?  that’s probably the toughest one of all. 

now i’d be leaving you without the answer if i didn’t talk to you about the one relationship that helps you, that strengthens you at every one of these crossroads.  i’d be leaving you empty if i didn’t talk to you about the one person that loves you more than anyone else, that can do everyone of these things for you and help you do everyone of these things in all of your relationships.  that person is JESUS CHRIST.  HE wants to have a relationship with you. 

look at how HE talked about it in revelation 3.20 (nlt), look!  here I stand at the door and knock.  if you hear ME calling and open the door, I will come in and we will share a meal as friends. 

that’s HIS picture.  HE says, “here’s what I want.  I want a relationship with you.  it’s like I’m standing at a door and knocking.  if you’ll open up the door I want to come in and I want to sit down with you.  I want to share a meal with you.  I want to have a relationship with you where we talk about what’s going on in your life.  where we talk about what you’re struggling with, where we talk about the victories and the joys.” 

some of you may be thinking, “you don’t understand.  my life’s pretty messy right now.  it’s a mess inside.  if i open the door of my life to JESUS CHRIST and let HIM in HE’s going to see what a mess it really is.” 

i’ve got some news for you.  HE already knows what a mess it really is and still HE says, “I want to come in.”  still HE says, “I want to be a part of your life.”  still HE says, “I want to have a relationship with you.”  and HE doesn’t ask you to clean up the mess before HE comes in.  HE says, right now, just as you are, I want to come in, messy as it is and I want to be a part of your life.  I want to sit down.  I want to have a relationship with you.  and then I’ll even help you to start to clean up the mess.”  that's the kind of relationship that HE wants to have with you.

just a thought from the front porch…

not mean but encouraging…

let me ask you.  who is there in your life that you trust enough to have those kind of talks where the sparks fly a little bit and maybe the emotions get up a little bit and the conversation isn’t the most pleasant you’ve ever had.  but on the other side of that there’s growth and change for both of you.  who is there? 

i’m not saying that every relationship in your life should be like this because you don’t have time to develop that kind of deep relationship with everyone.  but are the few people in your life that you’ve chosen to have a relationship with like this? 

somebody wrote, “a lot of us are hydroplaning over a lot of shallow relationships because we’re never willing to stop and take the time to go deep with a few.”  that’s true.  shallow doesn’t mean bad.  they’re good relationship, people that you love.  but you never take the time to go deep with the few, the people that you can trust to help you to move towards change in your life.

don’t think that these conversations have to be all nasty and negative and critical.  that’s not how they are supposed to happen.  the bible tells us in hebrews 10:24 (nlt), think of ways to encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds.

in order to help somebody to change, you’re not to be mean to them.  that’s not what makes it work.  you encourage them.  . 

look at what can happen.  when you encourage someone like that, it encourages an outburst of love, an outburst of doing the right thing. 

can you imagine that?  you and i have the power with a simple word of encouragement to somebody to encourage them to incredible new heights of love, to do the right thing like they’ve never done before in their lives – just through one person talking to another person.  that’s how powerful this can really be.

just a thought from the front porch…

change through our relationships…

there’s a lot of ways that GOD challenges change in our lives.  HE does it through our circumstances.  HE does it through what HE’s written to us.  but one of the main ways HE does it is through our relationships and that’s not always comfortable. 

paul wrote to some people in the town of corinth that he’d had to have a difficult conversation with.  it hadn’t been a comfortable conversation and yet after it was all over he writes to them, 2 corinthians 7.9 (ncv),  now i am happy.  not because you were made sad, but because your sorrow made you change your lives.  that’s how it works. 

notice it says, made you.  your sorrow made you change your lives.  they’d had a difficult conversation and it made them sad but that sadness made them change for the positive.  that’s when we change.  we change when we’re made to change. 

most of us don’t change because it’s a great idea.  we don’t like to change.  we like to stay comfortable.  so we change when we’re made to change.  we change when we’re put in the middle of the ring of life.

listen, we don’t change when we see the light, we change when we feel the heat.  so we’re made to change when that difficulty comes into our lives and GOD can use other people to be the ones that challenge us towards that change that we deep down all really want.

proverbs 27.17 (ncv) talks about how HE does this.  the bible gives us this picture.  as iron sharpens iron, so people can improve each other.

that may sound like a beautiful picture but in reality it’s a pretty tough circumstance.  when metal hits metal what happens?  sparks fly!  absolutely! 

have you ever seen that happen in a relationship?  in fact here’s how it happens.  the metal hits the metal.  someone says something to me that hits a rough spot or a dull edge in my life and the sparks fly.  first comes the sparking, then comes the barking – the yelling. 

i don’t like it when the sparks begin to fly in my life.  i don’t like it when people challenge something in my life.  do you?  because of that you and i go through a little bit of tough time in that relationship.  but on the other side of that comes the change.  you can’t do it any other way.  it’s metal hitting metal, that’s the picture.  you can’t do this easily. 

just a thought from the front porch…

comfort or change…

another crossroad we all face is, when i choose comfort or i choose change.  i choose to live a comfortable life or i choose to live a life where i’m growing, i’m changing. 

folks it is a lot more comfortable up in the stands.  it really is.  there aren’t a lot of people up there trying to hit you.  it is tough in the game.

i used to go to the practices when brett my son was playing football.  i used to see him there in the middle of that ring and watching all of those guys running at him, hitting him.  football practice is not a great place for mothers to be but i’ll tell you something, the practices are where the successes are made for the game.

brett was a running back and they get hit all of the time.  i remember the first time he was in a practice and he got in the middle of that ring, it was a little scary, but he got used to it and did his best to make those guys feel it when they came at him.  he changed.  he didn’t wait, he charged.

JESUS talked about the kind of life HE wants to give us in john 10.10 (ncv), I came to give life, life in all it’s fullness.  i want that life.  don’t you want life in all its fullness?  but i don’t have it yet.  does anybody have life in all its fullness? 

so i look at the life where i am now and i look at the life that JESUS offers “in all it’s fullness”.  the problem is in between those two is this word called “change”.  i’d like to get there easily, i’d like to get there comfortably, in my easy chair.  but it doesn’t happen that way.  it comes through change.  growth always comes through change and that’s always uncomfortable in my life. 

those of us who live in american, we can successfully many times go after the most comfortable life.  you could even live it for most of your life.  but you get to the end of your life and you look back with massive regret.  you look back and realize, “if only i’d changed i could have impacted the world in a greater way, i could have grown in a greater way, i could have had better relationships.”  you can get the most comfortable life many times but it also comes with disappointment.  so am i going to choose comfort or am i going to choose change? 

just a thought from the front porch…

excuses, blaming or coming clean?…

one thing that happened when jacob wrestled with GOD was, GOD brings him face to face with who he is. 

remember, jacob said, “i’ve seen GOD face to face.”  and GOD asked him, “what’s your name?” and jacob had to say it.  jacob – what did “jacob” mean?  schemer.  and in one name, one word, he described his life. 

when you wrestle with GOD you get a new view of who you really are.  and sometimes it’s tough.  but it’s one of the keys of GOD allowing us to become all HE wants us to be.

so when jacob says, “my name is jacob” he is owning up to what he really is.  it’s an act of confession.  it’s a self-revelation.  he’s saying, “i am a manipulator.”  he’s admitting it. 

i wonder if you and i were named for our greatest character fault what would be our name?  “hi, i’m greedy…”  what would be your name?  bitter?  angry?  uncontrollable temper?  lustful?  a user?  “hi, i’m depressed…  i’m fearful … i’m afraid…  i’m gossip…”  what would be your name if you were named after your biggest character flaw?

here’s the insight into this.  you will never be able to change until you openly and honestly and authentically admit your sin, your weakness, your fault, your frailty, your character defect to yourself, to GOD and to other people.

you’re going, “oh, no!  i can deal with the me and GOD thing, but admit it to other people?  why?”  because the bible says, GOD opposes the proud.  if you’re prideful you are in a war with GOD because GOD opposes prideful, egotistical people.  but HE gives grace to the humble.

what is grace?  it’s the power to change.  and one of the most humbling things in the world to do is to go, “this is who i am.  i am a __________” you fill in the blank in your life right now in your mind.  “i am a worrier...  i am a domineering person....  i am a person who runs from conflict...  i am an addict...” admit it.  “i am a manipulator.”  fill in the blank.  stop making excuses if you want to change and stop rationalizing, stop justifying, stop blaming other people.  you’ve got to come clean about what everybody else sees in you but you won’t admit what you really are inside. 

when you come to GOD and say, “GOD, i want to own up to the weaknesses, the filth, the wrong in my life, the dishonesty, whatever it is,” and you come and tell GOD, “this is who i really am.”  GOD is not going to be surprised.  “how could I have missed that.  I made you.  I created you.  I’ve watched every moment of your life.  I watched you being born.  I’ve heard every breath you take.  how did I miss that one?  that was a surprise!  you pulled one over!  I’m really surprised.”  GOD already knows.  you just need to own up to yourself and to others.  this is the most difficult part of change. 

just a thought from the front porch…

i’ve got good news…

some of you, i believe, are really struggling with this problem of depression. there are so many things happening in your life. some days maybe you don't even feel like getting out of bed. some days you feel like you can't make any decisions; it's just too difficult. you can't decide on anything. some days you just feel trapped in a hopeless situation. it's like you're in a room with no doors and no windows and you're locked inside. you're constantly tired. you don't have any energy. you're fatigued. it's a chore to get out of bed and turn on the tv. some of you may even feel like elijah. you feel like running away. you want to drop it all, leave, split. get out of the situation.

i've got good news for you. JESUS CHRIST wants to answer your depression. HE will help you. HE will change you. you're not alone. GOD cares about you. i care about you. GOD says “you can change.”

i speak from personal experience. i've experienced depression and the deepest despair. there were times i didn't think i would make it another hour. i can tell you that JESUS CHRIST can heal you of depression. you don't have to go through life being manipulated by your emotions. your emotions are controlled by your thoughts. you cannot control your emotions but you can control what you think about. if you choose to change your thoughts and you choose to let GOD change the misconceptions – misconceptions like if somebody criticizes me, that must mean i'm worthless, misconceptions like i have to be loved and accepted by everybody to be fulfilled in life, misconceptions like i cannot admit any area of weakness. i have to be perfect, otherwise i'm a failure. those are the kind of things that cause depression.

just a thought from the front porch…