how to face 2012…

we are finishing 2011 here on the front porch with what james in his nt letter has to say about cleaning up some of the hurts in our relationships through mercy and forgiveness.

clean up the past and now look to the future.  james here in chapter 4 shows us how to face the new year, 2012, how to face your future.  he says there are some mistakes that are commonly made and that we should be made aware of.  

he illustrates the first mistake with a typical conversation between a couple of business men.  one guy has his mba from the university of jerusalem and the other is a ceo of a tel-aviv 500 company.  and we drop into their conversation here in verse 13 as they’re talking and discussing their plans.

(msg), today—at the latest, tomorrow—we’re off to such and such a city for the year. we’re going to start a business and make a lot of money.

the bible doesn’t condemn making a legitimate profit.  the bible talks a lot about planning too.  these men have planned everything; their purpose, the place, the progress.  they’ve got all the bases covered.  so what’s wrong?

james says the first common mistake we make is we plan without GOD.  there is not a single mention of GOD in the entire business plan.  they knew what they wanted, they knew how to get there but they didn’t check it out with GOD first.

don't misunderstand.  the bible talks about planning.  no man goes out and builds a house without considering how much it’s going to cost.

and the book of proverbs says over and over again that if i don’t plan i’m a fool.  it’s wise to plan.  he’s not talking about planning; he’s talking about presumption without GOD.

it’s great to have dreams, it’s great to have goals – as long as you include GOD. as long as you pray about it.  there’s nothing wrong with what they did – all of these things are fine.  it’s what they forgot to do.  they forgot to include GOD.  their attitude was one of self-sufficiency.

just a thought from the front porch…  

it is in GOD’s job description not ours…

we are looking at what james here in chapter four of his new testament book from the bible says are some reasons why we shouldn’t judge or slander other people.  we’ve seen that it is unCHRISTian, it is unloving and then it is unjustified.

james 4.11 (niv), …there is only one lawgiver and one judge. 

the word “lawgiver” is used six times in the old testament and only once in the new testament.  the six times in the old testament refer to GOD and the same thing here – it’s referring to GOD.  only GOD has the right to judge.  it’s in GOD’s job description but it’s not in your job description to judge people.  HE has not commissioned you to talk to everybody about everybody else.

one of the great weaknesses in people is we tend to generalize people by one mistake.  if they make one mistake we write off their whole personality.  if a guy makes a foolish mistake, we say, “he’s a fool!”  not necessarily.  maybe he just made a foolish mistake in one particular area.

listen to this, we tend to judge in other people things we dislike in our self.  psychologists have known that for a long time.  when you see someone who reacts violently to a particular sin usually in their heart it means they have a hang up with it.  it doesn’t mean they’re involved in it.  it might just mean they have a fear that they will be involved in it.  we always tend to react to our weaknesses in others.  what we see is usually just a mirror of self.

just a thought from the front porch…

the problem with mercy…

we’re looking at ways you can bless people with your words and this one is a little difficult.

you bless others when you offer mercy.

the truth is we all stumble, we all sin, we all blow it, we all make mistakes, we’re all imperfect.  so we all need massive doses of mercy.  since we’re all imperfect this may be the most common way to bless other people.  when people around you make a mistake – at work, at school, at home – what do you do?  you should show mercy. 

2 corinthians 2.7 (cev), when people sin you should forgive and comfort them so they won’t give up in despair.  it’s what you do after people make a mistake that makes the real difference in their lives.  do you write them off?  do you put them on your black list?  do you hold a grudge and say, “i’m not going to associate with you any more.”  or do you as the bible says comfort and forgive them so they don’t give into despair. 

mercy is an attitude of GOD.  in fact, over 100 times in the old testament it says, “GOD is merciful.”  if you’re going to learn to be like GOD, if you’re going to learn to grow spiritually and become like JESUS CHRIST, you must learn to be merciful.  the bible says in ephesians 2.4 (Gw), GOD is rich in mercy. 

here’s the problem.  there’s only one way to learn mercy.  by being hurt.  that’s the only way you’re going to learn it.  you see, if nobody ever hurt you and you never have to forgive anybody and if you never have to forgive anybody you’re going to never learn to be like GOD.  so GOD is going to allow some pain, allow some hurt, allow some difficulties in your life where you learn to express mercy.  mercy is treating people just the way GOD treats them. 

you’re never going to have to forgive anybody more than GOD has already forgiven you.  this is the motivation for our mercy.  colossians 3.13 (lb), remember the LORD forgave you so you must forgive others.  we’ve been shown mercy so that’s our motivation.  GOD’s been merciful to me.  i need to be merciful to others.  i need to cut them some slack. 

every time you’re hurt you’ve got a choice.  am i going to use my energy for retaliation or for reconciliation?  am i going to use my energy to get even or to get well?  am i going to use my energy for revenge or am i going to use it for restoration?  you don’t have enough energy to do both.  GOD says, “you want to bless people?  when they blow it, when they make mistakes, when they hurt you, show them mercy.  i have shown mercy to you.  i want you to show mercy to them.” 

just a thought from the front porch…

prolonging the delays in life…

when you're going through the delays in life, waiting for an answer to prayer there are some things GOD says don't do because they prolong the delay.  one of them is don’t fear.

deuteronomy 1.26 + 28 (tev), they…would not enter the land.  they said... “we are afraid ... the people there are stronger and taller than we are”. 

this is the first mistake the israelites made in their trek to the promise land. 

now there are a lot of reasons for the delays that happen in your life but this one is your own fault.  GOD says, don’t be afraid.  they would not enter the land.  they said, “we are afraid... the people there are stronger and taller than we are”.  they had enough faith to move out of egypt but they didn’t have enough faith to move into the promised land.  they were afraid. 

the problem with fear is that it keeps you in the wilderness, in the desert of life, the barren stage.  it prolongs the delay. 

many of your dreams have never been fulfilled, not because of GOD, but because of you.  because you wouldn’t step out in faith.  “one of these days…”  the bottom line is fear.  GOD says don’t fear. fear causes the delays in your life and keeps you from moving ahead.

what should i do instead of fearing?  instead focus on GOD’s presence.  realize that GOD is with you.  when you’re afraid to go after the dream GOD has given you, you need to focus on GOD’s presence. 

isaiah 41.10 (tlb), fear not, for I am with you.  do not be dismayed.  I am your GOD, I will strengthen you and I will help you... and uphold you. 

HE says, I am with you.  there will never be a time in your life when GOD is not with you.  HE’s with you now, HE always has been and HE always will be.  HE’s with you on your good days and your bad days.  HE’s with you when you feel it and HE’s with you when you don’t feel it.  GOD says, I am with you.

there are 365 “fear nots” in the bible – that’s one for every day of the year.  GOD is saying, “no matter what you’re facing don’t be afraid”.  fear not, for i am with you.  not because of positive thinking or motivational tapes or pulling yourself up by the psychological bootstraps. 

you’ll never face any situation in life that GOD isn’t facing it with you.  we tend to forget that, and when we do, we start being afraid.  don’t fear but focus on GOD’s presence – HE’s with you all the time.

just a thought from the front porch…

it is a major step in healing relationships…

another practical way to practice being humble is to practice admitting when i’m wrong.

this comes a little easier for some than it does for others. the truth of it is, all of us make mistakes. and we do so with great regularity. i have found that we even say we’re wrong to a degree. it’s easy to say, “i was wrong,” if i only have to own that for a minute and then go back into attack mode. i can throw it back in another direction. “i was wrong. but you…” or “i’m really sorry, but if only you had…” or we start this excuse making, because of this or because of that. it’s all of this sugar coating. when in fact what we need is brutal, humble honesty. “i own it. i was wrong. i’m sorry.” it’s so difficult for us these days to really just come out with the hard news of what’s going on in our life – the truth about who we really are.

i heard a story of a woman who was traveling on business away from her husband and kids and left him home to hold down the fort for her children. she called back one night to see how things were going, and he said, “not so good. the poodle died today.” she said, “that’s bad news, but what’s worse is the way you delivered that news to me. you could have kind of eased me into it, kind of built me up to that news, let me get ready for it. like the first night i call home, you could have said, ‘honey, somehow the poodle got up on the roof.’ then the next night i called you could have said, ‘the poodle fell off the roof and isn’t doing so well.’ then the third night you could have said, ‘the poodle died.’ then i would have been ready for the bad news.” he said, “i’ll try to do better next time.” she says, “well, let’s just change the subject. you’re home with the kids, watching over the house, i know that my mom came down for a visit. i know that you don’t like her very much. how’s that going? how’s mom doing?” he said, “she’s on the roof.”

we try to sugarcoat the bad news, but honesty and humility go a long way.

the bible talks about this. proverbs 28.13 (lb) says, a man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful, but if he confesses and forsakes them he gets another chance.

i don’t know your background. some of us might have grown up in homes where we didn’t hear people say, “i’m sorry.” no one ever admitted, “i’m wrong.” so now we’re imitating that behavior and we find it a challenge to ever come clean in the workplace or in the classroom or in the home and say, “i was wrong.” somehow we believe if people come to know that we’re less than perfect, our esteem in their eyes will diminish. guess what? they already know you’re not perfect.

the first step in healing relationships will always begin with humility. james 5.16 (msg) says, make this your common practice. again practice. it’s a very profound concept that we are talking about. the fact that we can choose to be humble and we can practice it and become good at it. make this your common practice. confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so you can live together whole and healed.

just a thought from the front porch…

you don't have to settle for second best…

habakkuk 3.6 (niv) says, HIS ways are eternal. listen GOD does not have a plan b for my life.

think of the biggest mistake you've ever made. then think of the biggest sin you've ever committed, that thing you regret the most. then think of the biggest disappointment you've ever had.

do you think GOD knew about those in advance before you ever did them? yes, HE did. and since HE knew those were going to come up anyway HE has woven that into HIS plan for your life. HE included them.

romans 8.28 (niv), all things work together for good. good or bad GOD can somehow turn them around and bring good out of them. they all fit into a plan. that means no matter what has happened in your life you're still on plan a. GOD has not changed HIS mind and GOD's purpose for your life has not changed.

all the time i hear people say, “i made this big mistake... so for now on i've just got to settle for second best.” but there's only one problem with that. the words second best are not found in the bible. you are still on plan a. GOD knows everything that's going to happen in your life and HE's fit it all in to work for good in your life. even the mistakes and sins you commit that are wrong and bad, GOD can teach you from those things. you can learn many, many good lessons.

so what is GOD's plan for my life? john 10.10 (tev) says that GOD's plan for your life is that you might have life. i have come that you might have life, JESUS said.

HE wants you to enjoy life. live it and not just exist. then in romans 8.30 (ncv) it says GOD's plan for your life is to become like JESUS CHRIST. GOD planned for them to become like HIS SON. you learn to think like HE thinks and feel like HE felt and act like HE acts. become like JESUS CHRIST.

it all begins with a relationship. romans 10.9 (tev), if you confess with your mouth that JESUS is LORD and believe that GOD raised HIM from the dead, you will be saved.

just a thought from the front porch…

empowered to make mistakes…

there was a time in my church in vegas i was in control of everything. i was a church planter and that’s what church planters do. we do everything but i changed. i empowered john to be the pastor of the youth, for leah to be the pastor of the children, for andrew to lead the worship.

now in my past i was a successful youth pastor. i also was a very successful minister of music. but that was not what i was called to do at lv harvest. so i empowered john, leah and andrew to do their tasks and i didn’t second guess them. you see i empowered them to make mistakes. if they didn’t make mistakes then they weren’t risking enough.

howard hendricks is a well-known professor and has written several books on families. he said after interviewing thousands of parents most of them would say, “if i had it to do over again i would do less for my kids and have them do more for themselves.”

teach them to do more for themselves to develop self-reliance actually is teaching them GOD-reliance. why? because when we take responsibility for people we take responsibility away from them and in turn dependence upon GOD.

today when you find an adult who has somebody who’s responsible for that person we call that person a co-dependent. when you take responsibility for somebody else’s actions, you take responsibility away from them. you need to let them feel the brunt of their own actions, to reap what they’ve sown and not cover for them.

as a youth pastor, i used to tell the kids, "if you get in jail i’m going to tell your parents to let you stay there overnight.” the last thing they need to do is be bailed out. they needed to feel the consequence of their actions. when we create a safety net so our kids can never fail, they don’t learn responsibility. we must trust them with responsibility.

JESUS trusted the disciples. john 20.21 (niv), as the FATHER has sent me, so am I sending you.

anybody can see how those twelve disciples would have never gotten along together. they’re as different as night and day. they were ordinary. they were fishermen, rough around the edges. JESUS chose twelve men and later says, “by the way, guys, I’m going back to heaven. now it’s your job to give salvation to the whole world. spread the message.” HE risked it all on them.

would you do that? HE trusted the salvation of the world in the hands of twelve men (actually one of them flaked out to make eleven). obviously it worked though because we’re all here and 2100 years later CHRISTianity is still growing. don’t create insecure kids or employees by overprotecting them. trust them with responsibility.

just a thought from the front porch…

rejection or responsibility...

nothing brings out the best in people – kids or anybody else – faster than having somebody believe in them and trust them with responsibility.

luke 16.10 & 12 (ncv), whoever can be trusted with a little can also be trusted with a lot. if you cannot be trusted with things that belong to somebody else, who will give you things of your own?

one of the most important life skills, parents, we can teach our children is teaching them to be responsible. we are in a society filled with irresponsible adults. why? because they never learned responsibility as children. so we must gradually turn the responsibility over to our children as they grow, not hold on too tightly and not over protect them.

how do you learn to be responsible? one way. you learn to be responsible by somebody trusting you with responsibility even when somebody thinks you don’t deserve it. in the long run you’re far better off trusting your kids too much than too little because over protection really is a form of rejection.

when you overprotect your children, you’re in essence saying, “you’re not competent. i don’t trust you. you can’t be relied on. therefore i’m going to have to keep things real close.”

yes, they will make mistakes when you trust them. so did you. you’re not perfect and your heavenly FATHER accepts you. you are to accept your children even when they make mistakes.

in the long run you do far more good for the emotional, mental and SPIRITual health of your children to over trust them rather than under trust them. obviously, with little kids they can’t handle a lot but as they grow you must be willing to give the responsibility away. this is a basic life skill we all have to learn. people respond to responsibility. they thrive under it. they grow. they develop. they blossom. people respond to responsibility.

on the other hand if you treat people like babies…. say, you’re a manager and you treat people like babies you’re going to have to diaper them the rest of your life.

bosses, “don’t make all the mistakes yourself. let your people make some of them.” delegate, release, empower people. because when you trust people with responsibility they blossom.

just a thought from the front porch…