a major step of maturity…

here are the facts of fear:

1) fear occurs when we feel out of control.  when we feel like we can’t control a situation, we become afraid. 

2) most of life is out of your control.  so you have a lot of things to fear because most of life is out of your control. 

3) the secret of overcoming fear is faith in GOD. 

JESUS in matthew 8.26 (niv) said, you of little faith.  why are you so afraid?  HE contrasts fear and faith.  the antidote to fear is faith.  fill your life with faith and the fear vanishes. 

here’s the point, one of these days you have to come to the point in your life that you realize, “i can’t control everything.” that’s a major step of maturity.  “i cannot control everything that happens in life.  but i don’t have to.” 

“it’s out of my control, but it’s not out of GOD’s.  and GOD is in control.  HE’s close and HE cares and HE’s in control, so i don’t have to sweat it.” 

yes, there are many things that i can’t control and that’s what makes a crisis a crisis.  it comes unexpectedly, uncontrollably, inevitably, in different varying shapes and sizes.  but GOD has seen it and HE’s got it under control.

just a thought from the front porch…

learn to forgive…

on the way towards that dream there were probably some people that hurt you.  when you reach that dream there are probably some people that wronged you.  if you hold on to an unforgiveness towards those people, you end up ruining the dream.  it would have for joseph.

genesis 42 you hear the story of joseph and his brothers.  we go back to square one.  here’s joseph.  he has the dream, he’s over in egypt second ruler in all of egypt, he’s feeding the world, and here’s his brothers. 

verse 1. (niv), when jacob learned that there was grain in egypt and he said to his sons, “why do you just keep looking at each other?”  because of their fear.

in genesis 42 you see the picture of a family who’s living with their solution instead of GOD’s solution.  you see the picture of grief twenty to twenty-four years later.  you see the picture of guilt at least twenty years later.  grief and guilt were still a part of this family’s life even a generation later.  look in verse 4 at the grief that’s still there. 

ten of joseph’s brothers went down to buy grain from egypt but jacob didn’t send benjamin, joseph’s brother, with the others because he was afraid that harm might come to him. 

benjamin was the youngest brother.  the grief is still there, twenty years later.  when they sold joseph into slavery they thought they were getting rid of their problem.  they hadn’t solved their problem.  they invited their problem to move in, right next door, right in their house, right in their bedroom for twenty years.  that’s what happens when it’s our solution not GOD’s solution. 

some of you are living with your solution right now.  you’re thinking right now, “that’s the truth!”  you can make a change. 

just a thought from the front porch…

three crisis point words…

jacob begins the road home when four significant things start to turn his life in the right direction.  

1.         he begins to follow GOD’s direction in his life. 

2.         he begins to recognize GOD’s protection. 

3.         jacob begins to recognize GOD’s blessing.  in genesis 31.42 (niv) he says to laban, if the GOD of my father, the GOD of abraham and isaac had not been with me, you would surely have sent me away empty handed.  it’s not his schemes anymore that are getting the credit.  for one of the first times he’s able to say, “i know if GOD hadn’t been there, the blessings wouldn’t have been there either.”  he’s starting to turn the corner.  he’s starting to head the right way in his life. 

4.         he admits his fear.  all of his life he had been afraid.  that’s why he ran from esau.  he was afraid of being killed.  that’s why he never confronted laban.  he was afraid of being rejected.  he was afraid of losing his wives, afraid of losing his flocks and his prosperity.  all of his life although he had met GOD at bethel and GOD said, “I’m going to bless your life, you can count on it”, he had run in fear.  that fear had made him into a manipulator and deceiver. 

so laban comes and confronts him and says, “why have you done this?  why have you taken the flocks?  why have you taken my children?”  chapter 31.31(nic) three crisis point words, jacob answers laban “i was afraid.”  he admits it.  this is a man, who probably never had a day go by when he wasn’t filled with fear, who admits his fear. 

those four things allow him to begin to turn the corner.

just a thought from the front porch…

overcoming your fear of failing...

motivation.  why do we play it safe?  why don't we use the talents that GOD has given us?  the answer is fear.  fear keeps me from using my talents.  matthew 25. 25 (niv), i was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground.  afraid and hid are satan’s favorite tactics.  “i could never do that.  i’m not qualified.  i have this fear of failure.” 

remember in school when the teacher would ask a question and you’d think, “i think i know it, but i don’t want to raise my hand because if i give the wrong answer i’m going to look dumb” so you didn’t raise your hand.  self-consciousness.  it’s fear that keeps us from using our talent.  you say, “i failed in the past so i’ll never try again.”  it doesn’t matter where you’ve been.  it matters what direction your feet are headed right now. 

peter and judas were two disciples.  they both committed the same sin.  they both denied CHRIST.  one of them went out, got depressed, and committed suicide.  the other went out, repented of it and said, “i want to start over” and fifty days after peter’s biggest sin, GOD used him on the day of pentecost to preach and 3,000 people were brought into the family of GOD on the day the church was born.  fifty days after peter’s greatest failure he has his greatest success.  he kept on going. 

1954 opening day of baseball season.  milwaukee braves playing the cincinnati reds.  two rookies were in that game.  the first was a guy named jim greengrass.  he got up to bat four times and hit four doubles.  four for four, an incredible start to a career.  but nobody remembers him.  another guy started his career that day.  he went 0-4.  he struck out all four times in the first game.  hank aaron had a slow start.  but who do we remember? 

never let the fear of striking out keep you from taking a swing. you keep on going.  you say, “what will other people think?” don't worry about what other people think! 

the bible says, the fear of man is a snare.  it's a trap.  often we excuse ourselves by pointing to other people saying, “he/she’s more talented. they’ve got all the ability.  if only i had ability like so and so.  if only i had the education/looks like so and so i’d serve GOD.”  no, you wouldn’t because you’re not using what you’ve got.

the point is:  just because i can’t do the spectacular that doesn’t excuse me to do nothing.  one day i’m going to stand before GOD and HE’s going to say, “what did you do with your life?  what on earth did you think you were there for?  I had a plan, I had some things for you to do.  it’s called a ministry. and I made you just right for it.”

just a thought from the front porch…

prolonging the delays in life…

when you're going through the delays in life, waiting for an answer to prayer there are some things GOD says don't do because they prolong the delay.  one of them is don’t fear.

deuteronomy 1.26 + 28 (tev), they…would not enter the land.  they said... “we are afraid ... the people there are stronger and taller than we are”. 

this is the first mistake the israelites made in their trek to the promise land. 

now there are a lot of reasons for the delays that happen in your life but this one is your own fault.  GOD says, don’t be afraid.  they would not enter the land.  they said, “we are afraid... the people there are stronger and taller than we are”.  they had enough faith to move out of egypt but they didn’t have enough faith to move into the promised land.  they were afraid. 

the problem with fear is that it keeps you in the wilderness, in the desert of life, the barren stage.  it prolongs the delay. 

many of your dreams have never been fulfilled, not because of GOD, but because of you.  because you wouldn’t step out in faith.  “one of these days…”  the bottom line is fear.  GOD says don’t fear. fear causes the delays in your life and keeps you from moving ahead.

what should i do instead of fearing?  instead focus on GOD’s presence.  realize that GOD is with you.  when you’re afraid to go after the dream GOD has given you, you need to focus on GOD’s presence. 

isaiah 41.10 (tlb), fear not, for I am with you.  do not be dismayed.  I am your GOD, I will strengthen you and I will help you... and uphold you. 

HE says, I am with you.  there will never be a time in your life when GOD is not with you.  HE’s with you now, HE always has been and HE always will be.  HE’s with you on your good days and your bad days.  HE’s with you when you feel it and HE’s with you when you don’t feel it.  GOD says, I am with you.

there are 365 “fear nots” in the bible – that’s one for every day of the year.  GOD is saying, “no matter what you’re facing don’t be afraid”.  fear not, for i am with you.  not because of positive thinking or motivational tapes or pulling yourself up by the psychological bootstraps. 

you’ll never face any situation in life that GOD isn’t facing it with you.  we tend to forget that, and when we do, we start being afraid.  don’t fear but focus on GOD’s presence – HE’s with you all the time.

just a thought from the front porch…

fear and excuses…

another step to take in making wise decisions is to face your fears.

it is fear that is at the root of all of your indecision.  it is the fear that you will make a mistake, that you’ll fail, that you’ll embarrass yourself.  it’s the fear that you will make a commitment that you can’t keep.  it is the fear that somebody will laugh at me, reject me because of my commitment.  it’s always, always fear that keeps you and makes you be indecisive. 

we don't like to admit that we’re afraid so we make excuses.  moses said “i can't talk.”  gideon said, “i’m too young.”  abraham said, “i'm too old.” 

so what’s your excuse? 

GOD has a dream for your life and JESUS CHRIST wants to be a part of your life.  some of you are saying “i don't have the time, i don’t have the money, i don’t have the experience, i don’t have the education, i don’t have the contacts, i don’t have the resources, if only i were married, if only i were unmarried, if only i were older, or younger, in another country, in another year.....”  it’s fear that’s keeping you from making the decision that GOD wants you to make. 

ecclesiastes 11.4 (tlb), if you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done. 

perfectionism paralyzes potential.  GOD has always used imperfect people in imperfect situations to get HIS will done.  always.  if you’re waiting for that perfect person to come along – they’re not coming.  if you’re waiting for that perfect situation, things to be just right, or certain things to get over before you really get committed to CHRIST – it’s not going to happen.  the basic commitments of life must be made in the middle of the stuff of life.  life goes on.

what’s the antidote to fear?  faith.  romans 8.31 (niv), if GOD is for us, who can be against us?  you trust GOD and start moving.  in spite of the problems, fears, doubts. 

the secret is that you move against your fear, do the thing you fear the most. 

i love to go to amusement parks.  i love them.  one of the rides that is there is the gondola ride.  it is a car that is hanging under a cable that goes up high and takes you from one place to another.  i have some anxiety when i ride that ride.  i can ride roller coasters that go faster and higher than the gondola ride and i’m not afraid of those rides but i am of the gondola ride.  what ride do i always ride when i go to an amusement park?  i always ride the gondola ride because i am going to and the truth is i have to conquered my fear of the gondola ride.

that is what it means to move against your fear.

Just a thought from the front porch…

unique and valuable…

you don't realize how unique and valuable you are.  none of us do.  the reason you are so vulnerable to the fear of rejection is because you're full of self-doubt.  that's why when criticized by another person, deep down inside, you have the doubt and fear that they're right.  so it hurts even more. 

the effect of sin is always insecurity.  the more we sin, the more insecure we become.  somebody ignores you at a party and you say, “they must not like me!”  no, maybe they just didn't even see you were there.  but because you were seeing through the eyes of fear you're vulnerable. 

i heard a story this week where a woman was standing at a bus stop.  a lady from her church walked up and said nothing to her. she thought, “she must be mad at me.  she's upset with me.  she must not like me.  therefore i don't like her.”  they both got on the bus and about five minutes later the lady looked over and saw her and said, “oh, i'm sorry.  i didn't see you here.”  and she started talking.  she said, “i was just consumed with my own pain.  i just came from the doctor and found that my son has leukemia.” 

when we look at life through the eyes of fear, we don't see other people in their pain.  we only see our fear.  we miss opportunities to minister to others.  we can only see ourselves and what victims we are.  we must look and see the pain of others and give our lives away as JESUS said. 

just a thought from the front porch…

affected not directed…

the number one fear they say nationally that people have is the fear of speaking in front of other people.  why?  because of the fear of rejection.  speech experts tell you that the way you get rid of the fear of speaking in front of others is to humanize your audience –  put them in their place in other words.  they're just people.  humanize them.  the tips in many books say, “when you’re afraid of a crowd, imagine everybody sitting there in their underwear.”  honestly, as a pastor, i never used that technique.  but i do see the point behind it.  you've got to put people in their place.

i think the bible has a better alternative.  it says, “who are you trying to please, GOD or man?”  i would suggest that the way to overcome the fear of rejection is to live your life for an audience of one. when i walked in as a pastor to speak i would say, “GOD, i'm not doing this for anybody here.  i want to say this for YOU.  i want to present this message as a living sacrifice to YOU for an audience of one.”  that's what it means to overcome the fear of rejection.

romans 8.31 (niv), if GOD is for us, who can be against us?  if you recognize how much GOD is for you, it gives you the ability to withstand tremendous rejection.  can you ever come to the place in your life where you are not affected by the opinions of others?  can you ever come to that point?  my honest answer is no.  i don't think so.  i don't think you can ever come to the point in your life where you're not affected by others' opinions. but i do think you can come to the point in life where you're not directed by others' opinions.  you will always be affected, but you don't have to be directed.  sometimes people will say the meanest things to you.  and it hurts.  but it doesn't direct you.

just a thought from the front porch…

you have everything to gain…

if you've never opened up your life to CHRIST i encourage you to do so today. 1 john 5.11-12 (ph) real life is to be found only in GOD's SON. anyone who has CHRIST has this life but if he doesn't have CHRIST, then he does not possess this life at all. you have everything to gain. don't wait. some of you have been thinking about making your decision for months, for years. don't put it off any longer.

review: are you bothered by regrets? do you have things in your past that you feel guilty about, wish you hadn't done, regret? you feel condemned and you condemn yourself. as a result, you're pretty condemning of other people. you say, i wish i could get rid of this guilt and get a clear conscious. JESUS CHRIST offers you a life without condemnation.

would you like to break free of the things that bind you up? those bad habits, those situations, those things that tend to control you and you tend to respond in a way that you wish you could change, you wish you could be different. JESUS CHRIST offers you life without domination. the more you give yourself to HIM, the more freedom you find.

are you facing a situation right now and you think it's hopeless? it's not going to work out. JESUS CHRIST offers you a life without desperation. HE says, “there's hope!”

are you confused by the problems that you are having and you think it doesn't make sense, you don't know why it's happening, what's going on? GOD says, “i have a purpose behind those problems. and i'm working them into the grand design.” maybe HE just wants to get your attention. and he saying, wake up! HE can take the mistakes that we have made and somehow bring a positive benefit out of them by weaving them into HIS overall plan.

what are you afraid of? are you afraid of failure? are you afraid of dying? are you afraid of the future? are you afraid of what other people think? GOD wants to give you a life without intimidation that says, ”i don't fear. if GOD's on my side, what does it matter!”

HE wants to give you the kind of life where you have a continual relationship with him that can never be destroyed. are you worried that your needs won't be met? put your life in the hands of JESUS CHRIST. the good, the bad, every part of it and HE will assume responsibility for your needs.

GOD loves you so much. you can't even imagine how much HE loves you. HE is for you! and HE made you to love you, the bible says. HE has a plan for your life. the more you put your life into His plan, the better it gets.

just a thought from the front porch…

a victor or a victim…

we also find in roman 8 that as a CHRISTian (or because i am a CHRISTian) it is possible to live a life without intimidation.

romans 8.31 (niv), what, then shall we say in response to this? ‘if GOD is for us, who can be against us?’ GOD says, I will protect you. HE's saying, one plus GOD equals a majority. it doesn't matter who's against you if GOD's on your side.

have you discovered the wonderful truth, yet, that GOD not only knows you but GOD is for you? HE's not trying to trip you up. HE's not trying to make your life miserable. HE's not trying to make your life a mess. HE is for you! HE wants you to make it. HE wants you to succeed. GOD is for you! that's good news!

i think CHRISTians of all people ought to be the most confident people in the world. if GOD's for me, who can be against me?

fear is a devastating emotion and psychologists have analyzed 645 different kinds of fears. what do you fear most? some of you fear failure. some of you fear the future. maybe you fear dying. maybe you fear rejection. maybe you fear criticism.

hebrews 13.6 (niv) says, so we can say with confidence, ‘the LORD is my helper; i will not be afraid. what can man do to me?’

romans 8.37 (niv), knowing all these things we are more than conquerors through HIM who loved us. more than conquerors. literally in greek it is “super conquerors”. GOD makes us super conquerors. in life, you will be a victor or a victim. you will be swallowed up by your circumstances or you will overcome your circumstances. you will be overwhelmed by your problems or you will overcome your problems.

fact: i don't have to fear anything. i keep my eye on the LORD. you are not a victim. you can be a victor.

my question is: what have you been telling yourself that you could never do? whatever it is that you're telling yourself that you could never do, stop it! philippians 4.13 (nkj), i can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me. that's what you call a life without intimidation. you're not blown away by the circumstances. and you're not blown away by the problems. you've got the confidence that comes from GOD.

just a thought from the front porch…

failure isn’t fatal…

another thing to do when you fail is to realize it’s not fatal. failure isn’t fatal.

we over exaggerate the effects of failure. we blow it out of proportion. it’s not the end of the world. it’s not going to kill you. you’re not going to die from it.

the fear of failure is far more damaging to your life than failure is. with failure – you fail, you pick yourself up and you go on. the fear of failure – you can let that haunt you for years and years. the fear of failure is actually worse than failure in what it does to your life.

studies show that the more talented you are, the more you tend to fear failure. you’ve got a lot to loose.

have you ever known the answer to a question but you were afraid to raise your hand because you might not be right? proverbs 24.16 (tev), no matter how often an honest man falls, he always gets up again. i like this verse because it says even good guys make mistakes, even the righteous stumble.

everybody falls. we all have belly flops in our lives. the difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is not that successful people never fail. they do. they fail as much if not more than failures. what is the difference between a failure and a success in life?

successful people simply get up and keep on going. successful people simple don’t quit when they blow it. successful people are persistent, determined, diligent. they have endurance. successful people keep on going after they’ve fallen. they learn from those failures. a righteous man falls but he rises again. an oak tree is simply a little nut that refused to give its ground. how do you get to be a success in life? outlast your critics. keep on plowing.

and paul understood this. 2 corinthians 4.8-9 (niv), we’re hard pressed on every side but we’re not crushed. we’re perplexed but not in despair. we’re persecuted but we’re not abandoned. we’re struck down but we’re not destroyed. phillips paraphrase says, like a boxer, i’m knocked down but i’m not knocked out.

everybody fails. but it’s not failure. successful people simply get up again and keep on going. successful people are simply ordinary people with an extra ordinary amount of determination. they keep going.

you’re never a failure until you quit. you’re never a failure until you give up and as long as you keep trying you’re not a failure.

just a thought from the front porch…

the fear of failure…

in america, we hate losers and we love winners. we canonize champions, we adore achievers. we worship winners, and we sanctify the successful. the royalty in america are the rich and famous. and everybody wants to be a success and nobody wants to be a failure.

and this puts enormous stress on our society because failure is a part of life. yet nobody wants to be called or considered a failure. failure in america is considered the unpardonable sin. it’s the one thing you don’t want to be labeled as – a failure.

so as a result, we fear failure. what will other people think? will anybody love me? will i be considered worthless? the fear of failure is a pretty universal fear. and it causes enormous stress in our lives.

the fear of failure can cause you to be indecisive – you’re worried about what choice to make. what if i make the wrong choice? so you can’t decide.

the fear of failure can cause you to be a workaholic – you work and overwork, trying to keep up, trying to get ahead, trying to stay ahead.

you see, nobodies life goal is to fail.” everybody wants to succeed. everybody has this fear that they might not. but the fact of life is, failure is a part of life.

just some beginning thoughts from the front porch…

there are legitimate fears

if you’re going to be kind you must be willing to take risks and you have to look at your fears. such as what if he asks me to do something that i can’t do? then i’ll feel inadequate. i'll feel dumb.
there are all kinds of legitimate fears.

there’s one big fear we don’t like to talk about, but i need to mention it. we often don’t want to get involved in other people’s pain and brokenness because it reminds us of our own pain and brokenness. we’ve got the pain in our lives pushed down, and we think we’ve got a lid on it. but it’s bubbling under the surface. but i’m afraid to ever get close to anybody else, because if i start dealing with their pain, all of a sudden mine’s going to bubble out. on the other hand, if i can ignore your pain and your brokenness, then i can pretend that i don’t have any pain or brokenness. i don’t have to face mine if i don’t have to face yours.

on the other hand, dealing with somebody who’s broken might cause me to see my own brokenness. maybe i don’t want to deal with that woman whose husband just walked out because it brings back the pain of my husband who walked out. i don’t want to deal with that person who just had a miscarriage because i don’t want to deal with the pain that i haven’t dealt with in my miscarriage. i don’t want to deal with that guy who lost his job because it reminds me how inadequate i felt when i lost my job.

the truth is: it’s fear that makes us unkind. we need to deal with others, and we need to let GOD deal with us in love. the bible says, there is no fear in love. perfect love casts out all fear.

JESUS said it like this in matthew 7.12 (jb), always treat others as you would like them to treat you. that of course is the golden rule. always treat others as you would like them to treat you.

also if you want to become a kind person, another thing the good samaritan did was to spend whatever it takes. start seeing the needs of others, sympathize with their pain, seize the moment to be kind and spend whatever it takes.

there is always a cost to kindness. there is always a price tag. it inevitably causes you to sacrifice time or money or energy or reputation or something. privacy maybe, to sacrifice that. it costs to be kind.

in luke 10.34-35 (nlt), it says, then the man [the good samaritan] put the man on his own donkey and he took him to an inn where he took care of him. the next day he handed the innkeeper two pieces of silver [these were denari, which were about two months worth of wages.] and he told him to take care of the man. “If his bill runs higher than that,” he said, “i’ll pay the difference the next time i’m here

just a thought from the front porch…

you must be willing to take a risk…

if you’re going to be kind you must be willing to put up with interruptions, you must be open and you must be willing to take risks. to be kind, you must be willing to take a risk.

many times, the one thing that keeps you from being kind is your own fears. the most cruel people are the most fearful people. so you have to look at your fears. just imagine the fears the good samaritan could have had. they were all legitimate.

he could have said, “what if i go over and help this guy who’s beaten up, naked, laying at the side of the road dying, what if the robbers are still here? i could lean down to help this guy, and they’ll beat me up – take my clothes, take my donkey, take my riches. legitimate fear.

he could have said, “what if i go over and help this guy and it’s a trap? he jumps up and he beats me up and takes all my possessions and leaves me beside the side of the road. what if it’s a trap? a decoy.” a legitimate fear.

what if i go over to help this guy, and he rejects my help. he says, “i don’t want your help! leave me alone. you’re a samaritan.” jews and samaritans were mortal enemies. they were divided by race, religion and politics. and they hated each other deeply. for a samaritan person to help a jewish person was unheard of! “what if he rejects me, and then i'll feel stupid? i'll feel dumb. what if i go over to help this guy, and i kneel down to take care of him and other people come along and they think i did it? they’ll haul me off to jail. it’ll take a long time to explain that i wasn’t the guy. i was just trying to help.”

today, we’d say, “what if he sues me?” legitimate fear.

“what if i go over to help this guy, and i can’t really help him. i don’t know what to do. i don’t know what to say. i’m not trained in first aid.” how many times have you not helped somebody because you thought, “i don’t know what to say.” maybe you don’t need to say anything. maybe you just need to go over and say, “i know you’re hurting, and i care.” that’s all you need to say.

just a thought from the front porch…

looking for fun fixes...

1 john 4.16 (niv), we know and rely on the love GOD has for us. GOD is love. the most talked about attribute of GOD is probably the one that is most misunderstood. first, don't confuse this. it says, “GOD is love”; it doesn't say “love is GOD”. there's a big difference. same difference as saying “my dog is a girl” or “my girl is a dog”. this does not mean that GOD lets me get away with murder. i do anything i want to and because GOD loves me he just slaps me on the wrist.

what it means is that GOD wants what's best for you. HE's for you. HE's not against you. now if that's true, then why do so many people avoid GOD? many people avoid him like the plague. they run from him.

the reason they do that is because of a fear. they're afraid of what might happen if they really give their life to GOD. for some they are afraid that i'll have to give up my fun. in other words, to become a CHRISTian equals the party's over. to be SPIRITual is to be miserable.

we're very interested in having fun these days. television has given us a particular image of fun. which sounds like more fun to you? miller time or sunday school? television has sold us a lie that says, if you buy our product you'll be happy. i bought it and i was happy for a little while. but the thrill wore off. so i bought something else and then it wore off. or if you'll experience this particular event, or go to our concert, or visit this exotic place you'll be happy. you'll have fun!

people are frantically looking for fun fixes. it's the law of diminishing return. you find you spend more time, more money, more energy to get less and less of a thrill. you go around asking, “are we having fun yet?” so many people are looking for love in all the wrong places and they're looking for fun in all the wrong places.

think about a singles bar. have you ever seen a more phony place than a singles bar? everybody's pretending they're having a good time. where else do you walk up to a stranger and offer to buy them something? “can i buy you a drink?” do you walk up to someone in a department store and say, “can i buy you a toaster?” that's fun?

the way you fight fear is with fact and look at what the fact says: 1 timothy 6.17 (niv), GOD richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.

GOD wants you to enjoy life. HE doesn't want to take your fun away. JESUS spoke more about being happy than he did about heaven. matthew 11.19 (phillips) says, JESUS came enjoying life.

fun is a clear conscious. fun is a happy, unified family. fun is laughing in church. fun is having friends who don't manipulate you because they're CHRISTians. fun is enjoying the world that GOD has made. that's fun! nobody has more fun than i do. nobody!

just a thought from the front porch…

the power of easter…

i know it's a cliche but this easter can be the first day of the rest of your life. JESUS CHRIST wants to give you the power to start over and to keep going. that's an outside power source HE wants to give you. i realize that some of you are barely hanging on. some of you your career is going down the tubes, your health is going down the tubes, your marriage is cracking up. you feel like chucking it all. you really don't have too much confidence. it may be because of fatigue – you're just worn out. it may be because of failure. it may be because of fear. i challenge you to let JESUS CHRIST light up your life, let HIM put hope in you.

listen, you really do matter to GOD. HE really does care about you. there's more to life than just getting up, going to work, come home, watch tv, go to bed, get up in the morning, go to work, come home, watch tv, go to bed ... and go to a party on the weekends.

i don't know why you are reading this today. but i do know this, regardless of the fear or the failure or the fatigue or the frustration or the other things that tend to discourage you, GOD has an encouraging word for you today. HE wants to say, "I am with you and I will give you the power to start over and begin a brand new life. not just turn over a new leaf – a brand new life. everything you've ever done wrong could be forgiven, forgotten and start over – just like being born again.

that phrase is used in the bible. some don’t understand that term. but it just means to start over, get a new lease on life. you can have a clear conscious. HE'll not only give you the power to start over, HE will give you the power to keep going. when you feel like hanging it up, throwing in the towel, walking out, HE will give you the power to keep on keeping on. for some of you, the tide in your life is out right now. it may be out but the tide always comes back in. GOD will help you through this.

would you pray a simple prayer in your heart today? you don't have to say it aloud. GOD will hear you. HE knows your heart. HE knows the very thoughts going across your mind. this is between you and GOD. this is the most important decision you'll ever make. would you say, "GOD, i'm not really sure i know YOU or not. but i want to. i want to put my trust in YOU. JESUS CHRIST, i don't understand it all but as much as i know how i ask YOU to come into my life."

you don't have to have all your questions answered to make a simple statement like that. i still have questions. but i'm growing and learning. say, "JESUS CHRIST, as much as i know how, i ask YOU to come into my life. i ask you to forgive all the things i've done wrong. i ask you to help me start over with a clean slate. because YOU are alive today, i ask YOU to give me the power not only to start over but to keep going and to go in the right direction. i want to believe in YOU and trust in YOU. help me to understand it more."

if you prayed that prayer i believe GOD heard you. it's that simple. JESUS made it so simple nobody could say it was too hard to understand. today, if you really meant that in your heart it can be the turning point, a new hope, a new life.

FATHER, thank you for easter. thank you for the difference it makes in our lives. thank you, that the basis for confidence is not all these things the world puts up but it comes from knowing you and knowing that you have a purpose for our lives and that you have a power for our lives too. we pray this in JESUS' name. amen.

just a thought from the front…

do you feel you are a failure?...

fatigue robs you of confidence and so does failure. matthew 26.56 (niv), all the disciples deserted JESUS and fled. these guys felt like a group of losers.

peter denied him. now they're having a pity party. they're second-guessing themselves. they're saying, “what went wrong?” JESUS was supposed to be the messiah and now HE's dead. why me? who cares? what now?

how do you handle failure? listen, if at first you don't succeed ... you're normal! welcome to the human race. life has its setbacks. murphy was an optimist. somebody said, "just about the time i think i'm going to make ends meet, somebody moves the ends."

another one is fear. fear robs you of confidence and that's the greatest one.

john 20.19 (lb), the disciples were meeting locked behind closed doors in fear of the jewish leaders. they were in fear. they had seen what happened to JESUS. and they weren't too excited about what might happen to their own lives.

do you ever play the “what if?” game? what if i fail? what if i never get married? what if i get cancer? what if somebody recognizes me in k-mart? the fear game!

we tend to imagine the worse. have you ever been driving one way and the h.p. makes a u-turn and starts following you? or your daughter comes home late at night from a date with a big grin on her face?

what do you worry about the most? the greatest worry is the fear of death. that's what easter is all about.

people don't want to talk about death. it's the last taboo. invite some people home for coffee and say, “let's talk about death” and watch what happens.

but hebrews 2.15 (cev) says that HE (JESUS) also died to rescue all of us who live each day in fear of dying.

what you're afraid of is the fear of the unknown. you can get to know GOD. that's what easter is all about. you don't have to be afraid of death. JESUS broke the bonds of death.

just a thought from the front porch…

statements of fear and insecurity…

there’s another fear that we have that disconnects us and that is when we fear losing our freedom. when we fear losing our freedom that makes us demanding.

fear and insecurity demand that i must always be in control. the more insecure i am the more i have to be in control. the opposite is true also. the more secure i am as a person, the less i need to be in control. i don’t need it. but if i'm insecure and if i'm fearful i'm going to try to grab for control, i must always have my own way. i must always have the last word. we’ve got to do it my way. i demand my rights. all of those statements are symbols of insecurity.

sin destroyed the perfect relationship and thus began the battle of the sexes. in genesis 3.16 (ber), GOD tells eve, you will be drawn to your husband yet he will dominate you.

that wasn’t GOD’s plan or idea. but that’s what happened when fear entered the relationship.

sadly GOD’s ideal was destroyed. instead of complementing each other, husbands and wives started competing with each other. GOD made women and men totally different for a purpose. we’re different in every genetic component of our bodies. our dna is different. we’re just different. we were meant to complement each other not to compete with each other.

the root problem in a lot of marriages i’ve seen is the power struggle between two very insecure people. and the issue is who’s going to be in control. there’s a constant battle and it’s revealing insecurity.

now if these are the fears that disconnect us what causes us to reconnect to those we love? the answer is honesty. because fear makes us dishonest. we hide our feeling. we hide our faults. we hide our fears. dishonesty of course destroys relationships.

1 john 1.7 (niv), if we live in the light as GOD is in the light, we can share fellowship with each other.

fellowship means a close relationship, a connection which comes from living in the light, living out in the open, being honest, being authentic, being truthful. and GOD is in the light because GOD is always honest. GOD cannot lie. GOD always tells the truth.

great relationships are built on trust. and you don't trust people who lie to you. you don’t trust people who don’t tell you the truth. so if you don’t tell the truth in your relationship there’s not going to be any trust. and if there’s not any trust you don’t have a relationship. you’re disconnected. so it starts with being honest.

just a thought from the front porch…

there are feelings that we fear...

there are some feelings that really frighten us. one of the feelings we don’t like to admit is hurt. so we play this game called “is something wrong?” have you ever played this game at your house? somebody will say, “is something wrong?” no, no, everything’s just fine. “i can tell something’s wrong.” no. “did i hurt your feelings?” no, you didn’t hurt my feelings!

we don’t want to admit when we have hurt feelings. we don’t like to admit it.

another kind of feeling we don’t like to admit is anger. “i can tell you’re angry.” i am not angry. “yes you are!” i am not angry!

a lot of spouses just stuff their anger down. they don’t want to rock the boat. they don't want to upset the apple cart. so they swallow their anger and of course their stomach keeps score.

studies have shown that the healthiest families are not those that argue all the time. but they’re also not those who never argue. if you never have any conflict in your family you’re stuffing it. because there’s no way imperfect people can live together without having some conflict. no way. so it means you’re stuffing it, you’re putting it under the carpet if you never have any conflict.

you are imperfect and your spouse is imperfect. you married a sinner and she married a bigger one. there’s no way that two imperfect people can create a perfect relationship. forget it. don’t expect it. nobody has a perfect relationship because there are no perfect people. you’re going to have conflict.

the healthiest families are not those who have no conflict or who have it all the time. but those who have occasional conflict but they know how to resolve it, they know how to fight fair, they know how to resolve it without destroying each other, they know how to make up and they know how to grow from conflict. conflict can be good. it’s the only way you can grow to deeper intimacy. if you don’t ever face issues truthfully and honestly you’re at a pseudo intimacy level.

there’s another feeling that we fear. sexual feelings. most couples just don’t know how to talk about this. studies have shown that sixty percent of all married couples are dissatisfied with their physical relationship but they don’t even know how to bring up the subject. they don’t know how to talk about what they need, how to deal with it without hurting each other. if you don’t talk about it how do you expect any change? you’re mate is not a mind reader. there is no intimacy without honesty. so you have to deal with your feelings.

just a thought from the front porch…

we become distant because of fear…

another fear is when we’re afraid to expose our feelings. when we’re afraid to expose our feelings we become very distant.

genesis 3.10 (niv) adam said, i was afraid because i was naked so i hid. he ran from the scene. he tried to hide.

and we do this all the time. we hurl at other people and we hide from ourselves and hide from the other person. we become distant. he’s running away.

notice that the man ran first. he hid first. he felt exposed. we men are particularly good at using distance to mask our feelings and to deal with emotions. typically men withdraw in the face of emotions. we become cool, detached, we withdraw, we seem insensitive, aloof, apathetic.

one guy said, “i’ll never forget in the early years of my marriage, whenever my wife would get emotional i didn’t know how to handle it. i did not know how to handle emotions. when she became really sad or really depressed or really angry or any kind of major emotion i would just back off, detach. i’d become distant. a little glaze would come over my eyes. i’d pick up a newspaper. i’d try to change the subject. i’d go for a drive. i couldn’t handle it.”

“the amazing thing i discovered”, he said, “was the more distant i became the more emotional she became. i couldn’t figure this out. then when that didn’t work she started intentionally pushing my buttons! she knew the things that would get a rise out of me and she pushed those very buttons. why is she doing this? i wasn’t bothering her. she’s upset. why is she getting me upset? she’d push and push until finally i’d become emotional. bingo! she just wanted me to admit that i had feelings too. she just wanted me to admit that i had emotions and to stop stuffing them down.”

when i do marriage counseling, probably the biggest complaint i hear is, “i don’t know how he feels. he never talks to me. he won’t tell me what he’s thinking. he doesn’t tell me how he feels.”

this is a major shift because in the wooing stage of marriage men talk a lot. one woman said, “before we were married we’d talk all night. now that we’re married he only talks when he wants food, sex or to have the tv channel changed.”

men, you need to be a little bit more of a self-starter in talking about your feelings. i’ve discovered that if men were more self-starters there would be fewer women who were cranks.

just a thought from the front porch…