there are feelings that we fear...

there are some feelings that really frighten us. one of the feelings we don’t like to admit is hurt. so we play this game called “is something wrong?” have you ever played this game at your house? somebody will say, “is something wrong?” no, no, everything’s just fine. “i can tell something’s wrong.” no. “did i hurt your feelings?” no, you didn’t hurt my feelings!

we don’t want to admit when we have hurt feelings. we don’t like to admit it.

another kind of feeling we don’t like to admit is anger. “i can tell you’re angry.” i am not angry. “yes you are!” i am not angry!

a lot of spouses just stuff their anger down. they don’t want to rock the boat. they don't want to upset the apple cart. so they swallow their anger and of course their stomach keeps score.

studies have shown that the healthiest families are not those that argue all the time. but they’re also not those who never argue. if you never have any conflict in your family you’re stuffing it. because there’s no way imperfect people can live together without having some conflict. no way. so it means you’re stuffing it, you’re putting it under the carpet if you never have any conflict.

you are imperfect and your spouse is imperfect. you married a sinner and she married a bigger one. there’s no way that two imperfect people can create a perfect relationship. forget it. don’t expect it. nobody has a perfect relationship because there are no perfect people. you’re going to have conflict.

the healthiest families are not those who have no conflict or who have it all the time. but those who have occasional conflict but they know how to resolve it, they know how to fight fair, they know how to resolve it without destroying each other, they know how to make up and they know how to grow from conflict. conflict can be good. it’s the only way you can grow to deeper intimacy. if you don’t ever face issues truthfully and honestly you’re at a pseudo intimacy level.

there’s another feeling that we fear. sexual feelings. most couples just don’t know how to talk about this. studies have shown that sixty percent of all married couples are dissatisfied with their physical relationship but they don’t even know how to bring up the subject. they don’t know how to talk about what they need, how to deal with it without hurting each other. if you don’t talk about it how do you expect any change? you’re mate is not a mind reader. there is no intimacy without honesty. so you have to deal with your feelings.

just a thought from the front porch…