a wisdom test...

we are taking a biblical test here on the front porch of whether we are a wise person or not.  james here in the 3^rd chapter, 17^th verse (msg) of his nt book gives us a list of what a wise person looks like.  the last two days we’ve seen that real wisdom GOD’s wisdom begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others and today we see that it is gentle.

the niv uses the word considerate.  wisdom is considerate and it means that i am “mindful of the feelings of others.”  so the question is are you considerate of other people’s feelings?  if you are then you are wise.  how are you doing so far on this test?

now we all are different and we have different feelings, different ways to look at a situation whatever it is.  GOD made us that way and HE is telling us here that it is a wise thing to be gentle with each other in the different ways that we look at the situation.  i am to be considerate and not minimize your feelings.  i don’t have to agree with them but i can understand them.

proverbs 15.4 (gnt), kind words bring life, but cruel words crush your spirit.  that is really true isn't it?

many times in these type of situations we say things that hurt.  often we belittle how they feel.  we put them down or we play psychologist.  “i know why you feel that way?”  we can be so condescending toward them.

do you ever play the my day was harder than your day game?  my day can beat your day.  husband comes home worn out and starts complaining, “the traffic was bad, my boss got upset, the heat wouldn’t work and i froze.:  wife says, “oh, yeah?  junior dunked the cat down the toilet, the beans burned…”

the fact is they both had a rough day.  wisdom is considerate.  allow your spouse to be tired without having to say, “i’m more tired than you are.”  the fact is, you’re both tired.  Be gentle, be considerate, don’t minimize their feelings.  that is the wise thing to do

just a thought from the front porch…

say it gently…

another way to express your message so it would be received is to say it gently.

the bible says in proverbs 15.1 (niv), a gentle answer turns away wrath. you might even lower your voice when you talk about it. say it gently.

galatians 6.1 (cev) says this, if someone is trapped in sin, you should gently lead that person back to the right path. part of that means just being humble. maybe even qualifying your approach: “i may be totally wrong about this, but…” or “i may be totally off base, i may not have all the facts, i’m certainly not perfect. i’ve got a lot of problems in my life…” you set it up being humble yourself. you’re not coming in as the schoolteacher, the authority, the disciplinarian. you’re saying, “we all need help. i need help in some areas of my life.” say it in a gentle and humble way, so that it can be received in a humble way.

there is an equation that goes like this: truth plus tact plus timing equals transformation. if you want your marriage transformed, if you want your friendship transformed, if you want a relationship with anybody transformed, if you want to help somebody change, if you want to see that life transformed, it takes more than truth. it takes truth plus tactfulness plus the right timing to create the transformation in that person’s life or in your relationship. and you have to say it in a gentle way.

here’s another one, “i was in love with a young man who had a lot of problems. he was a bad boy. an older friend questioned our relationship, but i told him i loved my boyfriend anyway! my friend said gently but firmly, ‘any two people can fall in love. the question is, is it GOD’s will for your life?’ ” at that point i heard the truth, and i knew in my heart that the answer was no. and we broke up soon after. she then said, “now that i’ve been married for 26 years to rick warren, i’m so glad that my friend was willing to give me the hard advice even when i didn’t want to hear it.”

paul says to the 1 corinthians 4.14 (niv), i’m writing these things not to shame you, but to warn you as my beloved children. hear the compassion in his voice? he says, “i know i’m having to beat you up a little bit right now. i know i’m having to point out things you don’t want to hear. it’s probably ticking you off. it’s probably making you angry. but i’m not doing this to shame you. i’m doing this because i genuinely care about you. i’m speaking the truth in love.”

just a thought from the front porch..

four words that change things…

don’t hang around angry people. some of you might be thinking, “what if the angry person is somebody in my family? how do i handle this?

that’s an honest question. what if it’s my husband/wife, how do i deal with that? the bible has an answer for this, too. it tells what to do in our closest relationships to make sure that anger doesn’t continually happen in those relationships. this is a great verse for you to memorize. proverbs 15.1 (msg), a gentle response diffuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles the fire. this is a verse that you want to use toward yourself – internally.

in the midst of an argument, you want to use it for yourself, not like on someone else. you don’t look at someone else and say, a gentle response diffuses anger.

gentle does not mean be quiet. you can be quietly sarcastic or harsh and cause just as much anger. in your relationship, let’s say you are the quieter one when you argue. but you can be just as harsh. there’s a word that i can use – a single word – that can push my wife, margaret’s buttons. it is when i say “dear!” there’s nothing at all gentle about that as quietly as i might say it. gentle does not mean quiet. it means humble. it means i’m thinking about the other person in this moment. it means i’m taking just enough of a step back and thinking what might they need.

that means that in dealing with anger there is a loving phrase that we need to learn to say – “i could be wrong.” try that just once this week and see what happens. see how it changes things.

just a thought from the front porch…