i want it, no matter what...

it would be really interesting to know what percentage of people who will read this particular blog will have had an argument in the last 24 hours. now i am not a mentalist like patrick jane on cbs tv but i have had 61 years of experience and my guess is 100%.

here in the beginning of chapter 4, james deals with both the causes and the cures for arguments. and because it is a reality in our lives we need to look at what he has to say on how to avoid them.

now in my years of ministry i have found that one of the most common complaints from people is "we just can't seem to get along. we argue so much. we love each other. but why is it we have major blowups over such minor issues?"

i have talked with parents who say, "with my kids there is a constant tension. i don't understand why we're always in an argumentative mode."

now james doesn't beat around the bush. he gets right to the point. he doesn't waste any time.
verse 1 (ms), where do you think all these…quarrels come from? do you think they just happen? think again. they come about because you want your own way, and fight for it... james says they come from each one wanting their own way. when what i want conflicts with what you want then sparks are going to fly.

conflict starts early in life, even before you could talk. have you noticed that a baby, if their needs are not instantly taken care of, they let you know? you can argue even if you don't know how to talk. i was reading on facebook yesterday about a good friend of mine and her conflict with her 7 month old baby and i commented that i was glad i was a grandparent.

marriage has built in conditions for conflict. think about the things you expected of your spouse before you got married – how idealistic and unrealistic you were about marriage. what a rude awakening that was, the day you woke up!

all marriages go through three stages: stage one, happy honeymoons; stage two, the party's over; stage three, let's make a deal. and at stage three you have to learn how to handle arguments because they're going to happen. what you want is going to conflict over what I want. there are going to be conflicting desires. frustrated feeling cause fights.

so in the argument that you had in the last 24 hours what personal want did you have that you were willing to fight for and then was it worth the potential harm in your relationship with the other person?

that may be a good place to start.

just some thoughts up here on my front porch…