proverbs 12.25 (lb) says, a word of encouragement does wonders. when you are having a speaking-the-truth-in-love session with somebody, you want to affirm three things:
1. you want to affirm that you deeply love and care for them.
2. you want to affirm that you will pray for them and help them.
3. you want to affirm that you believe they can change.
you affirm these things. you state your faith. a word of encouragement does wonders. you begin and you end the conversation on a positive note.
paul did this. i wish i had time to take you through both of these books, 1 and 2 corinthians. in both books, he begins with affirmation and he ends with affirmation. example: in 1 corinthians 1.4 (niv), paul begins his letter by saying, i always thank GOD for you. and at the end of the book, 1 corinthians 16.24 (niv) he says, my love to all of you in CHRIST JESUS. between that he’s dealing with some very tough truths. so you sandwich the difficult truth between affirmations. affirmation – tough truth – affirmation. paul does this in his books. he begins and ends on a positive note. exit notes are very important.
a tip: never use the word “but” in a confrontation. the moment you use the word “but,” whatever you say before or after will be totally ignored and invalidated. “i think you’re a great person, but…” “you’ve got a lot going for you, but…” “we’ve got a great marriage, but…” “we’ve been friends a long time, but…” you can say all kinds of compliments before that one word. when you use that word “but,” people tune out.
instead use the word “and.” “you’re a great person, and i believe you can be even better.” “we’ve got a great marriage/relationship, and i believe there’s some things we need to work on.” “GOD is using you in a great way, and there’s some areas you might want to think about.” not “but.” use the word “and.” and make affirmation.
just a thought from the front porch…
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