are you familiar with these?...

a guy by the name of william justice wrote a book called the 37 ways we lie to ourselves to avoid guilt.  i was wondering if you maybe were familiar with few of these.

projection.  when you feel guilty you project it on to somebody else.  you blame everybody else.  “it’s not really my fault.”  you blame society.  you blame your boyfriend/your girlfriend.  you blame your parents.  you blame your teachers.  you blame the environment – the government.  you project your guilt on to somebody else. 

he says another way we lie to ourselves is rationalization.  we make up excuses.  “it’s no big deal what i did.  it didn’t really hurt anybody.  it’s just this once.”  we rationalize.  we justify.  we make excuses to cover up our guilt.

he said a third way we handle our guilt is comparison.  “if you think i’m bad you should see...”  if we think if their crimes are worse than ours then we’re mother theresa.  we’re a saint. 

the fourth way is repression.  you’re all familiar with this.  that’s where you stuff it down.  you push it down in your subconscious.  you try to live in denial.  “i know it was wrong but i just won’t think about it.”  you push it down.  the only problem with that is it doesn’t work.  you can’t keep guilt down permanently.  you cannot live in denial for the rest of your life. 

you’ve got to deal with the things you feel guilty about. 

if i were to take you out to the swimming pool this afternoon and you jumped in and i gave you eight tennis balls and said, “here’s your assignment.  i’ll give you a million bucks if you can keep them all submerged at once.”  you’d have a hard time.  you’d be pushing one down, then another, then another and they’d be popping back up. 

that’s what happens with guilt.  you can’t keep it down in your life.  no matter how you try to rationalize it, justify it, blame somebody else, make excuses, push it down, forget it.  the fact is you know it was wrong and it keeps popping back up.  here’s the problem.  if you don’t learn how to get rid of guilt in your life you’re going to be tired much of your life.  because it’s exhausting trying to keep all those balls submerged.  it takes enormous energy to live in denial.  it really does.  it takes a lot less energy to just deal with it and get it over with.  so it doesn’t work to try to repress it.

just a thought from the front porch…

playing the blame game…

another answer that james gives in how to handle temptation is to be responsible.  be responsible.

accept responsibility.  don’t blame other people for your problems.  we love to blame other people.

james 1.13b (niv), when tempted, no one should say, ‘GOD is tempting me.’  for GOD cannot be tempted by evil, nor does HE tempt anyone. GOD does not tempt, but we love to blame others.

will rogers said, “you could summarize american history into two great movements: the passing of the buffalo and the passing of the buck.”

we are in a society of irresponsibility.  blame society, blame the government, blame the environment, blame heredity, blame your parents, blame the devil, even blame GOD. 

some people say, “it must be GOD’s will or HE wouldn’t have let it happen.”  that’s called blaming GOD. there was this guy who said, “GOD told me to leave my wife and go marry someone else that i met at church.”  that’s called blaming GOD.  don’t make your bad choices and then blame them on GOD. 

GOD does not tempt.  HE never contradicts HIS word.  GOD is not going to tell you one thing and have the bible say something different.  if the bible says something and you say something different, you’re wrong.  be responsible.  don’t blame GOD and don’t blame other people.  it’s a sign of immaturity.

the fact is i bring most of my problems onto myself and so do you.  we bring them on ourselves.  if i’m ever going to break those bad habits i want to get rid of, first i have to be realistic; i am tempted.  then number two: i’ve got to be responsible; i quit passing the buck, making excuses.

just a thought from the front porch…

excuses, blaming or coming clean?…

one thing that happened when jacob wrestled with GOD was, GOD brings him face to face with who he is. 

remember, jacob said, “i’ve seen GOD face to face.”  and GOD asked him, “what’s your name?” and jacob had to say it.  jacob – what did “jacob” mean?  schemer.  and in one name, one word, he described his life. 

when you wrestle with GOD you get a new view of who you really are.  and sometimes it’s tough.  but it’s one of the keys of GOD allowing us to become all HE wants us to be.

so when jacob says, “my name is jacob” he is owning up to what he really is.  it’s an act of confession.  it’s a self-revelation.  he’s saying, “i am a manipulator.”  he’s admitting it. 

i wonder if you and i were named for our greatest character fault what would be our name?  “hi, i’m greedy…”  what would be your name?  bitter?  angry?  uncontrollable temper?  lustful?  a user?  “hi, i’m depressed…  i’m fearful … i’m afraid…  i’m gossip…”  what would be your name if you were named after your biggest character flaw?

here’s the insight into this.  you will never be able to change until you openly and honestly and authentically admit your sin, your weakness, your fault, your frailty, your character defect to yourself, to GOD and to other people.

you’re going, “oh, no!  i can deal with the me and GOD thing, but admit it to other people?  why?”  because the bible says, GOD opposes the proud.  if you’re prideful you are in a war with GOD because GOD opposes prideful, egotistical people.  but HE gives grace to the humble.

what is grace?  it’s the power to change.  and one of the most humbling things in the world to do is to go, “this is who i am.  i am a __________” you fill in the blank in your life right now in your mind.  “i am a worrier...  i am a domineering person....  i am a person who runs from conflict...  i am an addict...” admit it.  “i am a manipulator.”  fill in the blank.  stop making excuses if you want to change and stop rationalizing, stop justifying, stop blaming other people.  you’ve got to come clean about what everybody else sees in you but you won’t admit what you really are inside. 

when you come to GOD and say, “GOD, i want to own up to the weaknesses, the filth, the wrong in my life, the dishonesty, whatever it is,” and you come and tell GOD, “this is who i really am.”  GOD is not going to be surprised.  “how could I have missed that.  I made you.  I created you.  I’ve watched every moment of your life.  I watched you being born.  I’ve heard every breath you take.  how did I miss that one?  that was a surprise!  you pulled one over!  I’m really surprised.”  GOD already knows.  you just need to own up to yourself and to others.  this is the most difficult part of change. 

just a thought from the front porch…

excuses and blame…use it or lose it…

matthew 25.24 (niv), the man who had received the one talent came and said, “master, i knew you were a hard man, harvesting where you haven’t sown and gathering where you haven’t scattered.  i was afraid.”

this guy is trying to make an excuse of not doing anything with his life by blaming the master.  he says, “it’s your fault, GOD, that you didn’t give me ten talents.”  GOD says, “you didn’t use the one I gave you.”  blaming GOD will not work.  blaming other people won’t work.  b - lame is how you spell blame – be lame. 

application.  if i don’t use it, i’ll lose it.  matthew 25.28 (niv), take the talent from him and give it to the one who has ten talents.  that doesn’t seem fair.  take the talent from the one who only had one and give it to the guy with ten.  the rich get richer, the talented gets more talented.  that’s life. 

what's the point here?  the point is that GOD has the right to take away anything that i don’t use for HIM and there is a universal law here that if i don’t use it, i lose it.  if i refuse to exercise, i lose my muscles.  if i refuse to think, my brain goes dull.  if i refuse to practice, my talent dries up. if i don’t use it, i lose it. 

the converse is also true.  that if i do use it, i get more.  whatever you need more of, start using what you have for the LORD and it will grow.  do you need more time?  use your time for the LORD.  do you need more energy? use your energy for the LORD and watch it grow.  do you need more intelligence?  use what you’ve got for the LORD and watch it grow.  it’s a principle.  use it or lose it!

just a thought from the front porch…

hope in a hopeless situation…

when circumstances aren’t turning out like you want them to turn out, when a relationship isn’t working out like you would like it to work out, when things just aren’t going like you want, you’ve got one of three choices.  you can look down in discouragement or despair.  you can look around for someone to blame.  or you can look up to GOD in hope.

the bible says in psalm 88.3-4 (msg), i’ve had my fill of trouble.  [any of you feel that way sometimes]  i'm camped on the edge of hell.  [anybody feel that way sometimes.]  i’m written off as a lost cause, one more statistic, a hopeless case. 

i put that in there to remind you that for thousands of years people have been feeling that way.  and in spite of that for thousands of years GOD has been giving people hope.  you’re not alone in what you feel. 

listen, it is never too late to hope.  it’s never too late to look up.  in fact, if you’re feeling discouraged, if you’re even feeling in despair let me just remind you that discouragement, despair is just the hunger for hope.  that’s all it is.  it’s the hunger for hope. 

what do you do when you’re feeling hungry for hope?  wait for your circumstances to change?  that’s what a lot of us do.  “i’ll wait for the circumstances to change and then i’ll be ok.”  but what if they don’t change?  then how do you find hope?  you may be facing the worst of circumstances but you don’t have to live without hope the rest of your life. 

i can’t think of a better example of hoping in difficult circumstances than a guy by the name of abraham in the old testament.  you might remember the story.  GOD had told him to go to a promised land, a land that was going to be a place where he’d have a multitude of his family and it would be a rich place where they could really enjoy life.  abraham takes GOD at HIS word and he goes to this promised land and he finds rocks.  that’s about all that he found there at the beginning.  there was no place to live.  he had to live in tents.  he had to travel from here to there.  there were all kinds of problems and famines and difficulties.  yet abraham still trusted what GOD had said. 

in fact here’s what the bible says about him in romans 4.18 (msg), when everything was hopeless abraham believed anyway deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw he couldn’t do.  but on what GOD said he would do.  a whole different way of living life even when things might look hopeless. 

just a thought from the front porch…

too heavy a burden …

1 king 19.10 (niv), elijah said, i have been very zealous for the LORD GOD almighty. the israelites have rejected YOUr covenant and broken down YOUr altars and put YOUr prophets to death with a sword.

he blamed himself for negative events that weren’t his fault. he said, “i have worked my tail off for three years and they're not any closer to GOD than before. i have really tried. i’ve been zealous but what did they do? they're still living the same way.”

elijah blamed himself for failing to change the nation. he took it personally and when we do that, we get depressed. when we assume responsibility that GOD never intended us to have, we get depressed. it's too heavy a burden.

any time you help people, you sooner or later realize that people do not always respond the way you'd like them to. your children, your friends, your husband, your wife, people you work for or people who work for you. people just don't always respond the way you want them to. you can't assume responsibility for their response and when you do that you're carrying a burden that's only going to depress you. you can influence people, but you cannot control them. the final decision is theirs. so don't get yourself depressed over something you cannot control. that's what elijah did.

just a thought from the front porch…