in 1 kings 19.4 (niv), elijah said, take my life. i'm no better than my ancestors. the first mistake we make in depression is we focus on feelings not facts. the second mistake he made in depression he compared himself to others. we compare ourselves to others.
inevitably, in counseling people will say “if i could just be like ... then it would be ok.” but when you start comparing yourself to other people, you are asking for trouble.
the bible says over and over, don't compare yourself. everybody is unique. there's only one person that you can be and that is you and if you try to imitate other people and be like them, you're just going to get depressed because everybody is unique and the only person you can be is you. that's all GOD wants. that's all he expects.
so when you start comparing yourself to other people, you will get depressed and you will fall into three traps.
1. we always compare our weaknesses to other people's strengths forgetting that those people might also have weaknesses that you might be strong in. that always happens and it's a trap.
2. we try to motivate ourselves through criticism and condemnation. we do it by “should”ing ourselves. “i should be able to be like that person... i should be able to act better ... i ought to be able to accomplish it ... i should be able to stop it.” as if whipping ourselves verbally is going to motivate you.
if i were to ask you, “do you believe you should go to church every weekend?” you'd probably agree. if i said, “do you feel that motivates you to do it?” it doesn't. nagging doesn't work when you do it on another person. and self-criticism doesn't work either.
3. don't label yourself. we always do that when we get depressed. we label ourselves. instead of saying, “i made a mistake” we say, “i’m a total failure”. instead of saying, “i accidentally tripped” we say, “I’m a klutz!” instead of saying, “i ate too much”, we say, “I’m a pig!” we label ourselves with titles that only make it worse.
elijah said, i'm no better than my ancestors. he was comparing himself and that made him more depressed.
just a thought from the front porch…
Showing posts with label comparing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comparing. Show all posts
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
what if you knew the whole story?...
the bible says over and over again, never compare yourself to anybody else and it gives two reasons.
one, you’re unique. GOD made you special. there’s nobody like you. HE made the mold and then HE broke it. you can’t be comparable to anybody else.
two, if you do start comparing, it’s always going to lead to one of two sins – pride or envy. when you start comparing yourself you think either “i’m doing better than them,” and you get full of pride. or “they’re doing better than me,” and you get full of envy. and they’re both sins. so GOD says never, never, never compare because it’s always going to lead to either pride or envy.
a lot of times we envy people because we don’t know the whole story behind their success or what we think they’ve got that we don’t have or ought to have. if you knew their background or you knew what sacrifices they’ve made to get where they are or if you knew their pain or their hurt of if you knew what it cost them to get what they have, you might not want it. you don’t know the whole story and that causes you to envy. you can’t see their pain and hurt from a distance. when you see people from a distance, it’s a whole lot easier to envy them.
that’s why this thing about celebrity worship is so unreal. i hope you’ll never again read a gossip column. it’s a total waste of time, and it only leads to envy. all those things are just airbrushed pr releases anyway. they’re not what people are really like.
let me tell you something. you can write this down, and take it to the bank! nobody is as cool as they appear. they may look like they’ve got it all together but if you get close, they don’t have it all together.
nobody is as happy as they seem to be. nobody is as carefree as they seem to be. nobody is as satisfied with their life or as successful as they appear to be. and that constant stream of celebrities checking into betty ford clinic isn’t doing it for fun. they’re doing it because their lives come unraveled. and honestly, behind the lives of celebrities, they often have more pain because they’re in the glare of the spotlight. you really don’t want what they’ve got.
the reality is every one of us has hidden hurts.
GOD has tailor made your cross. it’s just the one that’s right for you. so the first antidote to dealing with envy is just to get to know people. get to know them up close and personal and get to know them intimately. when you get to know people closely, you don’t envy them. but you can pray for them.
just a thought from the front porch…
one, you’re unique. GOD made you special. there’s nobody like you. HE made the mold and then HE broke it. you can’t be comparable to anybody else.
two, if you do start comparing, it’s always going to lead to one of two sins – pride or envy. when you start comparing yourself you think either “i’m doing better than them,” and you get full of pride. or “they’re doing better than me,” and you get full of envy. and they’re both sins. so GOD says never, never, never compare because it’s always going to lead to either pride or envy.
a lot of times we envy people because we don’t know the whole story behind their success or what we think they’ve got that we don’t have or ought to have. if you knew their background or you knew what sacrifices they’ve made to get where they are or if you knew their pain or their hurt of if you knew what it cost them to get what they have, you might not want it. you don’t know the whole story and that causes you to envy. you can’t see their pain and hurt from a distance. when you see people from a distance, it’s a whole lot easier to envy them.
that’s why this thing about celebrity worship is so unreal. i hope you’ll never again read a gossip column. it’s a total waste of time, and it only leads to envy. all those things are just airbrushed pr releases anyway. they’re not what people are really like.
let me tell you something. you can write this down, and take it to the bank! nobody is as cool as they appear. they may look like they’ve got it all together but if you get close, they don’t have it all together.
nobody is as happy as they seem to be. nobody is as carefree as they seem to be. nobody is as satisfied with their life or as successful as they appear to be. and that constant stream of celebrities checking into betty ford clinic isn’t doing it for fun. they’re doing it because their lives come unraveled. and honestly, behind the lives of celebrities, they often have more pain because they’re in the glare of the spotlight. you really don’t want what they’ve got.
the reality is every one of us has hidden hurts.
GOD has tailor made your cross. it’s just the one that’s right for you. so the first antidote to dealing with envy is just to get to know people. get to know them up close and personal and get to know them intimately. when you get to know people closely, you don’t envy them. but you can pray for them.
just a thought from the front porch…
Monday, July 5, 2010
what destroys relationships fast?...
nothing destroys friendships faster than envy. it can destroy families by sibling rivalry. it can destroy businesses. it can destroy neighborhoods. it can even cause nations to go at war with each other. simply out of envy. this is one destructive sin.
so if it’s so destructive, then how do we rout it out of our lives?
sometimes you learn what to do by looking at what not to do. in the parable of the vineyard workers in matthew 20, JESUS tells us the story of some people who become very envious. a farmer goes out and he hires five different kinds of day workers.
he starts out with the workers at the start of the day, then he goes out four more times and hires four other guys. to the first guys, he says, “i’ll pay you a set wage.” they contract for a dollar a day, which was the going rate at that time. to the other guys he goes and picks up for day workers he says, “i’ll just pay you what’s fair” and they don’t even agree on an amount. so they’re just trusting in his generosity to be fair. so at the end of the day he decides to pay them in reverse. he decides, “i’m just going to pay everybody the same amount.” he didn’t pay the people who worked all day any less. they got exactly what that had contracted for – a dollar a day.
what made them upset was that other people were given what they felt they didn’t deserve. so they became very, very envious. now in this story one thing we learn is that if you want to get envy out of your life, you must first stop comparing yourself to others.
comparing is at the root of all envy. and comparing was the very first mistake made by these workers. matthew 29.10 (msg) says, those hired last came up and were each given a dollar. and when those who were hired first saw that, they assumed they would get far more. in other words, they started making comparisons: “look what they’re getting.”
the bible says over and over again, never compare yourself to anybody else. the bible says it’s dumb, unwise. you’re never to compare the way you look. you’re never to compare your income. you’re not to compare your intelligence. you’re not to compare your kids. you’re not to compare your husband or wife or your job or anything else. the bible says do not do that.
just a thought from the front porch…
so if it’s so destructive, then how do we rout it out of our lives?
sometimes you learn what to do by looking at what not to do. in the parable of the vineyard workers in matthew 20, JESUS tells us the story of some people who become very envious. a farmer goes out and he hires five different kinds of day workers.
he starts out with the workers at the start of the day, then he goes out four more times and hires four other guys. to the first guys, he says, “i’ll pay you a set wage.” they contract for a dollar a day, which was the going rate at that time. to the other guys he goes and picks up for day workers he says, “i’ll just pay you what’s fair” and they don’t even agree on an amount. so they’re just trusting in his generosity to be fair. so at the end of the day he decides to pay them in reverse. he decides, “i’m just going to pay everybody the same amount.” he didn’t pay the people who worked all day any less. they got exactly what that had contracted for – a dollar a day.
what made them upset was that other people were given what they felt they didn’t deserve. so they became very, very envious. now in this story one thing we learn is that if you want to get envy out of your life, you must first stop comparing yourself to others.
comparing is at the root of all envy. and comparing was the very first mistake made by these workers. matthew 29.10 (msg) says, those hired last came up and were each given a dollar. and when those who were hired first saw that, they assumed they would get far more. in other words, they started making comparisons: “look what they’re getting.”
the bible says over and over again, never compare yourself to anybody else. the bible says it’s dumb, unwise. you’re never to compare the way you look. you’re never to compare your income. you’re not to compare your intelligence. you’re not to compare your kids. you’re not to compare your husband or wife or your job or anything else. the bible says do not do that.
just a thought from the front porch…
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