i can be it all...

we are looking here on the porch at how to have less stress and the fact that you need to check your heart and some attitudes that you need to watch out for.

first of all watch out for the attitude of pride. that’s the attitude of “i can do it all.”

another hard issue is the issue of envy. that’s the attitude, “i can be it all.” proverbs 14.30 (niv) warns us about envy, a heart at peace gives life to the body but envy rots the bones. that’s quite a picture.

GOD has given all of us enough time to be the person HE’s made us to be. so we’re trying to be that person but then we notice another person who’s not us, who’s different than us and we like the person they are and so we think, “i’d like to have their talent as well as my talent.” so we try, in envy, to take their talent in too. then we notice a person who’s getting a lot of notice for what they’re doing. we envy that and think, “i’d like to be them too.” we try to take their thing into our lives as well as our thing. so pretty soon we’re trying to be not just ourselves but four or five or six people.

GOD has given us enough time to be the person HE’s made us to be and when i envy others and try to be others, inevitably it’s going to put too much weight and too much stress on my life.

if i want to reduce stress, i’ve got to patch that hole in my heart, the hole of envy.

just a thought from the front porch…

what is going to matter in heaven?...

let me give you a couple practical ideas of how to stay focused on the life that GOD has for you to live.

one, i encourage you to get a SPIRITual partner. somebody you can trust that can say to you, “you’re getting a little off track here. why don’t you focus on the life that you need to live?” get a SPIRITual partner.

two, memorize some bible verses. GOD can bring those verses that you’ve memorized to mind at just the right time to say, “get back on track!” james 3.16a (cev), whenever people are jealous or selfish, they cause trouble. that’s an honest verse, isn’t it?

JESUS concludes this story with a shocking statement. matthew 20.16&26 (nlt/cev) says, and so it is that many who are first now will be last then. HE’s talking about in heaven. and those who are last now will be first then. if you want to be great you must become the servant of all the others. this is the great reversal.

GOD says when we get to heaven, the tables are going to be turned upside down. all those celebrities, all those people of talent, famous people that you envy – all the people that you envy – HE said, they’re going to be at the back of the line because the line in heaven is not about wealth and fame and possessions and all those things.

the point HE’s making there is this: none of the things we envy on earth are going to matter in heaven. not one of them! not success, not wealth, not talent, not beauty, not fame, not accomplishments, none of the things we envy most on this side of eternity are going to matter one bit those billions and billions of years in eternity. what GOD is going to evaluate in your life and what GOD’s going to reward in your life is not how much money or accomplishments or talents or beauty or whatever you have here on earth.

what GOD is going to evaluate and reward in your life is your service to other people. HE says if you want to be great, you must learn to be the servant of others. HE’ll ask how much did you serve the people around you in love. HE’s not going to ask, “how many businesses did you build? how big did your bank account and your ira and your retirement fund get?” HE’s not going to ask, “how well known did you become in your neighborhood?” HE’s going to say, “how much did you serve?” listen, love is something you do, and the bible tells us serve one another in love. service is love in action.

just a thought from the front porch…

keep focused on HIS plan…

another antidote to envy is to keep focused on the plan GOD has for your life. don’t get distracted by what’s going on in other people’s lives. center in on GOD’s will for your life.

there’s a simple phrase in this story that the owner says to those who were grumbling and griping and who didn’t get what they deserved, matthew 20.14 (Gw), take your money now and go. he’s basically saying to those who are complaining who can’t get past this, he’s basically looking them in the eye and saying, “get a life! it’s time to move on now. it’s time to go to the next step in your life. quit having a pity party. just get over it!”

sometimes we get so stuck in the past. some of you are still envying the person who got to be prom king or queen. you’re really stuck back here a long ways. and GOD is saying, “get a life! move on.” you get so stuck on what you didn’t get and why it didn’t happen and i deserved that and they didn’t deserve that, you get so stuck on that, you can’t see GOD’s plan for your life. HE still has an incredible plan for your life right now, today. why should you let what they got keep you from GOD’s plan for your life? and HE has an incredible plan for your life.

hebrews 12.1 (lb) says, let us run with patience the particular race that GOD has set before us. note the word, particular. that means the personal race, the race that is only for you. it’s unlike HIS plan for anyone else. this plan that GOD has for your life individually is a plan that HE had before you were even born. that’s how great this plan is.

psalm 139.15 (lb) says, you saw me before i was born and scheduled every day of my life before i began to breathe. GOD has shaped you. HE has made you for a unique purpose. one of the reasons for a church is to help you discover the unique purpose that GOD has for your life, the particular race that HE wants you to run.

and once you begin to discover that, how GOD wants your life to be lived out differently than everybody else’s, you don’t have to envy anyone anymore. you just have to realize you just have to be the particular person GOD has made me to be. you’re released from the tyranny of always having to be best all the time. you just have to be the best you can be, the person GOD made you to be.

when you get focused like this on GOD’s particular race for you to run, you really don’t have time to envy anyone. you’re so caught up in what HE wants you to do. you can’t be bothered with envy because you’re living your life for an audience of one. for HIM. for the particular race HE has for you.

just a thought from the front porch…

the problem of envy is at a deeper level...

the bottom line on envy is this. when you’re envious, you’re in a battle with GOD. your problem really isn’t with the person you envy. your problem at a deeper level is with GOD. you resent GOD’s decision to bless somebody else. you accuse HIM of being unfair. when you are envious, your problem really is with GOD. you think GOD loves somebody else more than HE loves you, that GOD is playing favorites. you accuse him of that. you start building an entire case against GOD.

listen, GOD loves you as much as HE loves anybody else. HE doesn’t love anybody else more than HE loves you because HE loves us all unconditionally. it’s not like, “I can love them, but not love you.” no. HE does. and the bottom line is you need to learn to trust HIM.

GOD has a good reason why i don’t have what i want. do you think GOD is duty-bound to give you everything you want? HE’s not a slot machine. HE’s not a vending machine – you put in a little prayer and you get whatever you want.

you serve GOD; HE doesn’t serve you. GOD has a good reason why i don’t have the things in my life that i think i ought to have. because HE knows me better than i even know myself. i need to relax. i need to trust GOD. and i need to say, “GOD, YOU have a unique plan for my life, and i’m just going to trust YOU in this.”

you’ve forgotten how much HE loves you, how much HE has a plan that is just perfect for you and how life isn’t about things anyway. it’s not about material possessions. there’s a lot more important.

envy is the fever. doubting GOD is the infection. and any time you start envying, it’s because you’re doubting GOD. you need to fall in love with JESUS CHRIST again.

you need to trust GOD and trust in HIS love when life seems unfair.

just a thought from the front porch…

it’s all about trust…

the bible says in ecclesiastes 6.9 (tev), it’s better to be satisfied with what you have than always to be wanting something else. i already have more than i deserve.

envy is not having a desire or a dream or a goal. it’s important to understand that. that’s not envy! envy’s not wanting something, looking forward to something or hoping that something can happen in your life. no, envy is instead resenting somebody who already has what you desire or dream or goal. it says, i can’t be happy until i get that desire or dream or goal. envy is not being grateful for what you already have.

another antidote to envy is to trust GOD when life seems unfair. when it looks like GOD’s blessing somebody in a way that HE’s not blessing you, you need to relax and trust GOD. you need to believe that HE knows what’s going on. HE knows what’s best. even when you can’t see it, you need to trust HIM when life seems unfair.

one of the signs of envy is the language you use. if you find yourself starting to use the phrase “it’s not fair,” you’ve already fallen into the trap of envy. “it’s not fair! why them? why not me? i’ve worked as hard as they do. i’m a committed CHRISTian.” then you start getting into legalism. “maybe if i just worked more, then maybe GOD would bless me more. maybe if i just went to church more, GOD would bless me more.” no, that’s not it at all.

you need to trust GOD that HE knows exactly what each individual life needs. HE knows the hurt and HE knows the pain and HE knows the blessing that each life can handle. and you need to trust GOD in that.

now in this story JESUS told in matthew 20 of the vineyard workers, they felt that they were being treated unfairly. not because they weren’t paid what they were promised. they were. they got exactly what they were promised. but that other people were paid the same amount when they thought, “we’re better”.

notice verse 12 (msg), these last workers have put in only one easy hour and yet you have made them equal to us. you can hear the envy in that. we’re better than them. we who slaved all day under a scorching sun.

notice the owner’s replay in verses 13-15a (cev). and, by the way, the owner represents GOD in this story. friends, I didn't cheat you. I paid you exactly what we agreed on ... what business is it of yours if I want to pay them the same that I paid you? don't I have the right to do whatever I want to do with my own money?

the bottom line on envy is this. when you’re envious, you’re in a battle with GOD. your problem really isn’t with the person you envy. your problem at a deeper level is with GOD. you resent GOD’s decision to bless somebody else. you accuse HIM of being unfair. when you are envious, your problem really is with GOD. you think GOD loves somebody else more than HE loves you, that GOD is playing favorites. you accuse HIM of that. you start building an entire case against GOD. you don’t trust HIM.

just a thought from the front porch…

it’s in the focus...

envy is a choice. i can choose to rejoice, or i can choose to resent. those are the options. the good news is if you learn to rejoice at GOD’s goodness to others, you’ll have a lot more to be happy about.

we all need to have the attitude of grandparents. you can brag to them, and they don’t think you’re bragging. you can say, “you wouldn’t believe what the kids did this week!” and they’d say, “that’s great!” you tell somebody else and they’d go, “but my kids…” like, “my kid was inmate of the month in prison.” they have to one-up you every time. there’s no guile in grandparents.

but eventually your grandparents die off. so we need to be grandparents to each other. and we all need a place where we not only share our hurts, but we also share our successes and everybody goes, “that is great!” when a sorrow is shared, it is cut in half. when a joy is shared, it’s doubled. that’s very important. that’s what we do in our life groups at our church or we should do.

another antidote to envy is to be grateful for what you have. instead of focusing so much on what you don’t have and what didn’t happen, be grateful for what you do have. this also has to be learned. the apostle paul wrote, i have learned to be content. it was a learning process.

so instead of complaining like these workers did about what wasn’t happening, what they didn’t get, you learn to realize that you’d have nothing without GOD, without HIS goodness and what HE’s given to you.

1 corinthians 4.7b-8a (msg) says, isn’t everything you have and everything you are sheer gifts from GOD? so what’s the point of all this comparing and competing? you already have all you need.

envy is based on a myth. the myth is i have to have more to be happy. i have to have something i don’t have now to be happy. and you get caught up in this myth and focused on everyone else. envy always looks at others and asks, “why them? but gratitude says, “why me? why did i get this? i don’t deserve what i have.” it totally flips around the perspective of our mind.

the truth is although we all struggle with envy, it’s hard to admit it. one of the reasons why is because it is such an ugly feeling toward others. when you’re envious of others, you really want them to fail. you don’t tell anyone else, but it really makes your day when they have a bad day because you feel better because they don’t have something. when you think about that, that’s pretty crazy, isn’t it?

just a thought from the front porch…

learn to enjoy it rather than resent it…

do you want to get envy out of your life? if you want to be a genuinely loving person, you’ve got to stop comparing yourself to other people and you have to start enjoying GOD’s grace to other people.

when you see GOD being kind, good, gracious to others, learn to enjoy it rather than resent it. you need to be happy when GOD is blessing somebody else. now this does not come naturally. you have to learn it. when GOD has been good to others, you need to learn to enjoy watching GOD do that to them.

this is the exact opposite of what these workers did. they went out and the guys who worked all day, they were paid exactly what they contracted for. they weren’t cheated. they just resented other people being given just as much. and instead of enjoying it, the workers resented it.

matthew 20.10-11,15b (cev/niv) says, the workers who had been hired first thought that they would be given more than the others, but when they were given the same, they began complaining to the owner of the vineyard. and he said, “are you envious because i am generous to them?” they resented it.

romans 12.15 (niv) says, rejoice with those who rejoice. earlier we looked at the second half of that verse, which says, and weep with those who weep. the second half of the verse is much easier to do than the first half. it’s easy when someone is down, they’re hard up on their luck, they’ve had a tough time, it’s easy to be sympathetic. that is an element of kindness. that you share the hurts and the pains and the sorrows of other people. that’s the easy part.

but it’s much more difficult to rejoice when they have a success. we don’t handle the success of other people very well. in fact, we’re threatened by it. we resent it. because somehow in our minds we think the world is some big giant apple pie and it’s all divided up into slices. and if somebody’s slice gets a little bit bigger, then that must mean my slice is going to get smaller.

but you’re wrong. because GOD’s got all the pie filling in the world. HE doesn’t run out of blessings. HE doesn’t run out of grace. there’s more than enough to go around for everybody, and because GOD blesses somebody else does not mean there is not enough blessings for you. HE just wants to do it in different ways.

HE does not bless us all the same. some have good health, others don’t have good health. some have good achievements, others don’t have good achievements. some have real good family relationships, others have difficult family relationships. we’re blessed in different ways. and we need to learn to rejoice in the joy of other people.

just a thought from the front porch…

what if you knew the whole story?...

the bible says over and over again, never compare yourself to anybody else and it gives two reasons.

one, you’re unique. GOD made you special. there’s nobody like you. HE made the mold and then HE broke it. you can’t be comparable to anybody else.

two, if you do start comparing, it’s always going to lead to one of two sins – pride or envy. when you start comparing yourself you think either “i’m doing better than them,” and you get full of pride. or “they’re doing better than me,” and you get full of envy. and they’re both sins. so GOD says never, never, never compare because it’s always going to lead to either pride or envy.

a lot of times we envy people because we don’t know the whole story behind their success or what we think they’ve got that we don’t have or ought to have. if you knew their background or you knew what sacrifices they’ve made to get where they are or if you knew their pain or their hurt of if you knew what it cost them to get what they have, you might not want it. you don’t know the whole story and that causes you to envy. you can’t see their pain and hurt from a distance. when you see people from a distance, it’s a whole lot easier to envy them.

that’s why this thing about celebrity worship is so unreal. i hope you’ll never again read a gossip column. it’s a total waste of time, and it only leads to envy. all those things are just airbrushed pr releases anyway. they’re not what people are really like.

let me tell you something. you can write this down, and take it to the bank! nobody is as cool as they appear. they may look like they’ve got it all together but if you get close, they don’t have it all together.

nobody is as happy as they seem to be. nobody is as carefree as they seem to be. nobody is as satisfied with their life or as successful as they appear to be. and that constant stream of celebrities checking into betty ford clinic isn’t doing it for fun. they’re doing it because their lives come unraveled. and honestly, behind the lives of celebrities, they often have more pain because they’re in the glare of the spotlight. you really don’t want what they’ve got.

the reality is every one of us has hidden hurts.

GOD has tailor made your cross. it’s just the one that’s right for you. so the first antidote to dealing with envy is just to get to know people. get to know them up close and personal and get to know them intimately. when you get to know people closely, you don’t envy them. but you can pray for them.

just a thought from the front porch…

what destroys relationships fast?...

nothing destroys friendships faster than envy. it can destroy families by sibling rivalry. it can destroy businesses. it can destroy neighborhoods. it can even cause nations to go at war with each other. simply out of envy. this is one destructive sin.

so if it’s so destructive, then how do we rout it out of our lives?

sometimes you learn what to do by looking at what not to do. in the parable of the vineyard workers in matthew 20, JESUS tells us the story of some people who become very envious. a farmer goes out and he hires five different kinds of day workers.

he starts out with the workers at the start of the day, then he goes out four more times and hires four other guys. to the first guys, he says, “i’ll pay you a set wage.” they contract for a dollar a day, which was the going rate at that time. to the other guys he goes and picks up for day workers he says, “i’ll just pay you what’s fair” and they don’t even agree on an amount. so they’re just trusting in his generosity to be fair. so at the end of the day he decides to pay them in reverse. he decides, “i’m just going to pay everybody the same amount.” he didn’t pay the people who worked all day any less. they got exactly what that had contracted for – a dollar a day.

what made them upset was that other people were given what they felt they didn’t deserve. so they became very, very envious. now in this story one thing we learn is that if you want to get envy out of your life, you must first stop comparing yourself to others.

comparing is at the root of all envy. and comparing was the very first mistake made by these workers. matthew 29.10 (msg) says, those hired last came up and were each given a dollar. and when those who were hired first saw that, they assumed they would get far more. in other words, they started making comparisons: “look what they’re getting.”

the bible says over and over again, never compare yourself to anybody else. the bible says it’s dumb, unwise. you’re never to compare the way you look. you’re never to compare your income. you’re not to compare your intelligence. you’re not to compare your kids. you’re not to compare your husband or wife or your job or anything else. the bible says do not do that.

just a thought from the front porch…

what does envy cause?...

we’re in this series on what is love? the most common destroyer of friendships is not anger, it’s not impatience, it’s not apathy, and it’s not unkindness. it’s envy. and 1 corinthians 13:4b (niv) says, love does not envy. it is impossible to envy someone and love them at the same time. so, what is envy? it’s resenting GOD’s goodness to others and ignoring GOD’s goodness to me. that’s what envy is.

the bible tells us real clearly that envy is behind most other sins. in james 3.16 (niv), it says, wherever there is envy you’ll find every kind of evil. here is a short list of problems that envy can cause.

• anorexia: people starve themselves because they envy skinny people
• adultery: people envy somebody else, their spouse, so they steal them.
• bitterness: you resent people who have done things that you wish you had achieved.
• complaining, conflict, dishonesty.
• exaggeration: people overstate accomplishments out of envy.
• gossip: we build ourselves up and tear other people down out of envy.
• hypocrisy: we kiss up to those we envy then talk about them behind their back.
• insecurity, judgmentalism.
• manipulating: it causes us to scheme and want to get our own way.
• the bible says that envy can cause murder – in fact the very first murder was between cain and abel. the first homicide.
• obsession: envy can cause you to obsess over a thing or over an event.
• the bible says that envy can make you power-hungry, rude, sarcastic, spiteful, stingy, stubborn, unforgiving, ungrateful, unkind and vain. not a pretty picture.
• the bible says that envy can turn you into a worrier and also into a workaholic.
  

ecclesiastes 4.10 (niv) says, i’ve learned why people work so hard to succeed. it’s because they envy the things their neighbors have.

the bible tells us in proverbs 14:30 that envy is like bone cancer. it will eat you alive. it starts inside, and it makes you miserable.

is it worth it? no. nothing destroys friendships faster than envy. it can destroy families by sibling rivalry. it can destroy businesses. it can destroy neighborhoods. it can even cause nations to go at war with each other. simply out of envy. this is one destructive sin.

just a thought from the front porch…