Tuesday, February 4, 2014

The myth of incompatibility…

We finished yesterday’s post with the excuse in problems in a marriage of incompatibility.  This myth of incompatibility.  Two of the most respected psychiatrists in America said this about incompatibility. 

Dr. Paul Tournier, who wrote the book To Understand Each Other, writes, "So called incompatibility is a myth, invented by jurists in order to plead for divorce.  It is likewise just a common excuse people use just to hide their own failings.  Misunderstandings and mistakes can be corrected where there is a willingness to do so.  The problem is a lack of complete frankness." 

Dr. Paul Popineau, director of the Institute of Family Relations, said:  "I don't believe incompatibility exists.  Almost any two people are compatible if they try to be."  Your marriage, your partnership, your friendship is what you make it.  It will become whatever you're both committed to making.  People can learn to get along if they're both willing to be unselfish.  But it requires compromise. 

In my years of counseling couples I've discovered that there are basically five major areas of conflict:  money, sex, kids, inlaws and schedule.  Every one of those five issues demands compromise.  You cannot get your way all the time in any of those areas.  You must learn to compromise.  So you cooperate as much as possible.

James 3:18 (LB), "Peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness." 

In a relationship, whatever you sow you're going to reap.  If you plant seeds of peace, you're going to reap a peaceful relationship.  If you plant seeds of inflexibility, you're going to reap conflict.  If you plant seeds of compromise it will reap great reward in your life.  But if you plant seeds of dominance and insistence on your way you will wreck havoc.

Psalm 37:37 (LB), "The man of peace has a wonderful future ahead of him... a happy ending."  Compromising pays off.

Just a thought from the front porch…

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