In managing your anger and reflecting before reacting, try to understand your anger. Analyze it and look at it and ask yourself three questions:
1. Why am I angry?
2. What do I really want? What do I really want out of this relationship? What's ticking me off here? What's getting my goat?
3. How can I get it? Usually the way I'm blowing up is rarely the way I get what I really want. It just doesn't work that way.
Why am I angry?
Stop and think what's making me mad? Whenever you get angry it is always the result of one of three things:
1. We get angry when we hurt. When I'm hurt I get angry. If you're nailing nails with hammer, you miss the nail and you hit your thumb, you get angry. In a relationship, when somebody's been hurt, they get angry.
2. We get angry when we get frustrated. Have you noticed when the weather is hot and humid everybody gets irritable?
3. Fear is the third cause. When you push an animal back into a corner, he's afraid, and eventually he'll attack back. When people get pushed so far that they're afraid, they feel threatened, they get
When somebody gets angry at you, rather than focusing on the anger, focus on which of these three is it really? Are they hurt? Are they frustrated? Are they afraid? If you understand that, isn't that a whole lot easier to deal with?
It's easier to deal with hurt and frustration and fear than it is to deal with anger. When you're hurt or frustrated or fearful you need to tell the person in the relationship. That's a whole lot easier to deal with than anger. Always look behind the cause and see what is causing the real anger. Once you do that, then you're ready to resolve it.
Just a thought from the front porch…