a major step of maturity…

here are the facts of fear:

1) fear occurs when we feel out of control.  when we feel like we can’t control a situation, we become afraid. 

2) most of life is out of your control.  so you have a lot of things to fear because most of life is out of your control. 

3) the secret of overcoming fear is faith in GOD. 

JESUS in matthew 8.26 (niv) said, you of little faith.  why are you so afraid?  HE contrasts fear and faith.  the antidote to fear is faith.  fill your life with faith and the fear vanishes. 

here’s the point, one of these days you have to come to the point in your life that you realize, “i can’t control everything.” that’s a major step of maturity.  “i cannot control everything that happens in life.  but i don’t have to.” 

“it’s out of my control, but it’s not out of GOD’s.  and GOD is in control.  HE’s close and HE cares and HE’s in control, so i don’t have to sweat it.” 

yes, there are many things that i can’t control and that’s what makes a crisis a crisis.  it comes unexpectedly, uncontrollably, inevitably, in different varying shapes and sizes.  but GOD has seen it and HE’s got it under control.

just a thought from the front porch…

how you actually gain control…

when i share my hidden secrets with another person, i find that its empowering.  GOD gives power to us when we humble ourselves.  HE gives grace to the humble.  you get that grace, that power to change.  GOD says i’m going to give you the power now to change.

if i can’t talk about it, it’s out of control.  i don’t care what it is.  if i can’t talk about it, it’s out of control.  if i can’t talk about it because it’s too painful or it’s too embarrassing or its too shameful or i’m too bitter about it what my dad did or my mom did or what i’ve done to somebody else, if i can’t talk about it, it’s out of control.  in fact, if you can’t talk about it it’s controlling you.  you don’t control it, it’s controlling you. 

when you talk about a problem, that’s how you actually gain control of it.  when you begin to talk about it with a spiritual confidant, a friend, a spiritual friend who holds you accountable, an accountability partner, you actually gain control by talking about it.  that’s one of the ways you regain control of your life. 

just a thought from the front porch…

let’s pray…

dear FATHER, i have no doubt that there are many people here on the front porch today who are stressed out from resentment and worry and the need to control things.  i’m sure there are many who are struggling with the issue of complete surrender to you.  they’ve held on to something for so long they don’t know how to let it go.  help them to realize how much YOU love them so that they can relax.

now you pray.  say this in your heart, “dear FATHER, YOU know how i’ve resented the unchangeable things of my life that cause me pain.  you know i’ve asked YOU many times for an explanation but it’s never come.  today, i want to stop fighting you over the things i don’t understand.  i want to be at peace.  today i pray the prayer of surrender.  YOUr will be done.  YOUr kingdom come, YOUr will be done in my life.  help me to say that every day.  help me to change the things that i can but to accept the things that cannot be changed.  today, JESUS CHRIST, i accept YOUr plan for my life.  i surrender to YOUr control and i’m going to trust in YOUr care.

in JESUS name I pray, amen.              

Just a thought from the front porch…

what we tend to do in uncontrolled circumstances…

have you noticed that usually when you face an uncontrollable circumstance you tend to do one of two things?  these are the extremes and most of us do one or the other.

some of you when you face things that are out of your control you just redouble your efforts.  you try harder. 

you say, “i’m going to make this thing work!”  and the more your life tends to spin out of control the more controlling and compulsive you become.  when you feel like you’re threatened by, “i can’t control the situation” you start and react by trying to control everybody and everything in your life.  you become compulsive about it.  you want to control this and you want to control that.  you’re a hyper controller.  and you’re certainly not at peace because you’re trying to run the whole world out of the fear of what’s uncontrollable in your life

then others of you, you do the exact opposite.  you throw in the towel.  you give up. 

you throw your hands up and say, “forget it!  i’m a victim.  i’m going to roll over and play dead.  i’m a victim of despair.”  and you play mary martyr.  you swallow and wallow.  you swallow your anger and you wallow in self-pity. 

both of those choices, trying to control everything and everybody around you and giving in and saying, “i’m just a victim!” those are stupid foolish choices.  what you need to do is the alternative. 

what you need to do is pray the prayer of surrender.  YOUr kingdom come, YOUr will be done in my life.  YOUr will be done on earth as it is in heaven. 

why do we pray that, YOUr will be done on earth as it is in heaven?  because in heaven GOD’s will is done perfectly.  is GOD’s will done perfectly on earth?  absolutely not.  in fact most of the things that happen on earth are not GOD’s will.  GOD’s will is not always done.  that’s why we have sin.  that’s why people get hurt.  but when you pray, YOUr will be done, you’re saying, i accept your plan.

just a thought from the front porch…

your words can destroy what you have…

james says my tongue directs where i go, so i've got to learn to control it.  and he says my tongue can destroy what i have.

james 3.5 & 6a gives us another illustration (niv), consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.  the tongue also is a fire.

imagine a beautiful forest – tall beautiful trees everywhere.  now imagine it in one minute up in smoke, completely destroyed by a little tiny match.   it only takes a spark to get a fire going.

in 1983 in australia, one fire overnight destroyed 600 miles of land, villages, livestock, all from a single match.  james says, your tongue can destroy like that.  you can lose it all.  a careless camper can destroy a life overnight, thousands of lives.  gossip is like fire.  it spreads quickly and it wrecks havoc.

i wonder how many people because of a careless word have destroyed their marriage, or their career, or their reputation, or the reputation of another, or their church, or a friendship.  the tongue not only has the power to direct where you go but also to destroy what you have if you don’t learn to control it.  it’s like a fire.

proverbs 18.20 (tev), you will have to live with the consequences of everything you say.

continuing on in james 3.6b (niv), …it sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.  notice it says, whole course.

he’s saying here that words can create a chain reaction.  you can say something that you didn’t mean to have any harm, but it can have devastating effects that are beyond your control.  just a few inflammatory statements set off a chain of events that we now look back on and call world war ii.

just a thought from the front porch..

the first secret of peace…

mary the mother of JESUS was overwhelmed when the angel told her that she was going to be the mother of the SON of GOD.  but she shows us through this time how to handle overwhelming situations in our own lives.

notice what she said when the angel said, “GOD will do this.”  luke 1.38 (nlt),  mary responded, “i am the LORD’s servant.  i am willing to accept whatever HE wants.  [hear the submission, the attitude of surrender: i am willing to accept whatever HE wants.]  may everything you have said come true.”

this is the first secret of peace.  i don’t care what overwhelms you.  the first secret of peace is let go.  let go of control.  let GOD handle it.  mary says, “i’m giving up control.  i yield to GOD.  i surrender to HIS will.  i give it up.”  there’s a word for that.  it’s called faith.  she’s showing faith.  she’s saying, “ok, GOD.  i don’t know how you’re going to do it but i trust you to do it.”  that’s a hard thing to do.

let’s admit it.  in the group that is reading this blog today many of you are control freaks.  you have this innate desire to control everything around you because you know you’d make it better.  if everybody else would just let you rule the world everything would be perfect.  and if everybody in your family would do it your way, your business would do it your way, life would be grand.  so you have this need to control.  and when you look at things that you can’t control or hear of things you can’t control, it just bugs you to no end!  because you have this need to control.

there’s a verse in the bible just for you.  GOD put it there just for you.  it’s proverbs 3.5 (msg), trust GOD from the bottom of your heart.  don’t try to figure out everything on your own.  does that sound familiar?  i don’t have to figure everything out.  that’s one of the most important lessons in life.  i don’t have to figure everything out.  in fact if you try to figure out GOD you’re going to be severely frustrated because GOD cannot be figured out.  HE’s much bigger than your brain can handle.  and every time you try to figure out why GOD does what HE does you’re going to be disappointed and frustrated because GOD is not figureoutable!  you’ve got to let it go.

just a thought from the front porch…

“no way!” or “wow! how?”...

we are looking here on the porch at the fact that many people today are overwhelmed in their lives.  they are but there were people in the bible who were also overwhelmed .  one of them was mary the mother of JESUS when at the age of thirteen or fourteen she was told by an angel that she was going to be the mother of JESUS.  in luke 1.29 (nlt) it says she was confused and disturbed.  in other words, she was overwhelmed.   now this story of mary does give us some insight into how to handle being overwhelmed.  the first thing i do is what mary did and it’s this, let go of my need to control the situation.

the fact is most of life is out of your control and most of life you can’t figure out.  the bible calls life  “a mystery.”  GOD not only glories in revealing things but the bible says GOD glories in concealing things.  GOD intentionally doesn’t tell us certain things about life.  why?  to force us to rely on HIM, to depend on HIM.  so there’s some things you’re just not ever going to figure out.  you have to let go of your need to control it. 

in luke 1.34 and 37 (nlt) mary asked the angel after she heard this big news, but how?  “but how can i have a baby?  i am a virgin.”  the angel replied, “nothing’s impossible with GOD.” 

this is a typical reaction when we feel overwhelmed.  but how?  we say “but how?”  how in the world am i going to get it all done on time?  how in the world am i going to make that payment?  how in the world am i going to solve that problem?  how in the world am i going to get that person to love me again?”  we ask the “but how?” question.

mary did not doubt what GOD had said to the angel.  she was just puzzled.  she didn’t say when the angel said, “you’re going to be the mother of the SON of GOD.”  she didn’t go, “no way!”  she said, “wow!  how?”  there’s a difference between “no way!” and “wow!  how?”  mary’s going, “how could a virgin have a baby?”  good question.  people are still asking that one 2000 years later.  we’re still going, “how did that happen?” 

the angels’ response is not to give a detailed explanation of how this is going to happen.  he just says, “is anything too hard for GOD?”  no.  GOD can do anything.  HE can do everything.  so don’t sweat it.  just let go of your need to control the situation. 

here’s the principle: whatever is bugging you in your life right now and it’s bugging you because you can’t control it, you need to understand that although it’s out of your control it’s not out of GOD’s control.  when mary understood this she stopped worrying and she started trusting.  she relaxed.

just a thought from the front porch…

when you’re overwhelmed…

i thought we would take a break from our look at the nt book of james in the bible and look at being overwhelmed.  isaiah in chapter 38 of his ot book in the last part of verse 14 (njb) said, LORD, i am overwhelmed.  please come to my help.  and maybe that is where you are.

mary in the nt was also overwhelmed.  luke 1.26-30 (nlt), GOD sent the angel gabriel to a virgin named mary.  she was engaged to be married to a man named joseph.  gabriel appeared to her and said, “greetings, favored woman.  the LORD is with you.”  confused and disturbed mary tried to think of what the angel could mean.  “don’t be frightened, mary,” the angel told her, “for GOD has decided to bless you.” 

she’s just a thirteen, maybe fourteen year old girl who the bible says is understandably confused and disturbed.  without a doubt mary was overwhelmed when the angel came to her and told her this news.  but the angel said, “mary, you’re going to be blessed.”  here’s the principle: we usually feel overwhelmed right before we’re going to be blessed.  so if you’re feeling overwhelmed in any area congratulations you’re about to be blessed.

now this story of mary gives us some insight into how to handle being overwhelmed.  what do you do when you’re overwhelmed?  you do what mary did.  i don’t care if you’re overwhelmed by debt, overwhelmed by fatigue, overwhelmed by stress, overwhelmed by responsibilities.  you do the same things that mary did when she got overwhelming news.  a little hint: you do the exact opposite of what you feel like doing. 

the first thing i do is what mary did and it’s this, let go of my need to control the situation.

typically the more out of control we feel, the more overwhelmed we feel, the more we redouble our efforts.  we try to control it more.  we hyper control.  we micromanage.  we use force, we use willpower to try to make it work. 

we do that all the time.  parents do this with their kids as they start growing up and start showing the first examples of independence.  they say, “we’re not going to let that get out of control so we’re going to nip it in the bud right now!  we’re going to push it down.  we’re going to put them on restriction.  we’re not going to let this get any bigger.  we’re going to control it right now!!”

so much of the stress in your life is caused by this desire to micromanage everything, to control everything, to be the manager of the universe.  the more you try, the harder you try to control the things that are uncontrolled in your life the more overwhelmed you feel. 

just a thought from the front porch…

wrestling and healing…

and more than wrestling, jacob finds a healing. 

remember JESUS CHRIST is the great physician.  HE knew all about healing.  HE knew what it was to take a man who was paralyzed from birth and to touch him and pray for him and say, “now arise and walk.”  and HE took his mat and walked.  JESUS knew all about healing but this was a healing of a very different kind.  in this healing HE’s going to cripple a man in order to heal his soul.  HE’s going to bring a limp into his life in order to bring a new dependence upon GOD.  it’s important to see that jacob was wrestling with GOD. 

i don’t know what you’re wrestling over but you can understand the concept of wrestling.  maybe it’s over an unanswered prayer.  maybe it’s over a character change you just can’t see happening in your life.  maybe it’s over a habit that you’re struggling with.  maybe it’s over the way you feel GOD wants to mange your relationships and you don’t think they should be managed that way.  maybe it’s over a decision.

whatever you’re wrestling with, the real question is – whether it’s a real wrestling match with two people out on a mat at high school or it’s a wrestling match in your soul with GOD – the question in wrestling is who is in control.  who’s on top?  in a wrestling match with GOD, who’s going to be in control? 

ron dunn in his book when heaven is silent said jacob had prayed for protection from esau but what he really needed was protection from GOD.  esau was not his problem.  GOD was his problem.  and GOD was his solution.

jacob is wrestling with GOD not satan, not his enemies, not evil society, not even his own self will.  he’s wrestling with GOD’s will in his life.  believer in JESUS CHRIST, we all come to those points in our lives where we wrestle with GOD’s will in our lives. 

just a thought from the front porch…

an unrealistic demand…

now this week possibly a fellow co-worker or a boss or somebody will ask you to do something that is immoral or illegal or unreasonable. it just is an unrealistic demand on you, on your life and time.

so how do you deal with that? look at what JESUS said, matthew 5.36 in the jerusalem bible, all you need to say is “yes” if you mean yes, or “no” if you mean no; anything more than this comes from the evil one.

look at the word “no” in that verse. for a CHRISTian, no is not a dirty word. it's ok to say, “no”.

i meet CHRISTians all of the time who don't know how to say, “no” and they are about to burn out because they have said “yes” to 50 things that they shouldn't be doing.

you see, we can teach this wimp religion kind of concept that JESUS went around on the hills around jerusalem picking flowers and talking about peace and love and not teach that the bible teaches about conviction.

so as a result, there are kids in the church on drugs or pregnant before marriage because they don't know how to say “no”. they don't know how to stand up against pressure. they don't know how to be assertive in the right way.

the bible says, when you are dealing with people who are trying to be controlling, when they are trying to get after you, you don't argue, you don't retaliate, but you don't also automatically cave in either.

you say “yes” when you mean yes, and “no” when you mean no. and it doesn't say anything about feeling guilty or about having to make excuses, it just says, say “yes” when you mean yes, and “no” when you mean no.

so you deal with that in that way without feeling guilty or without making excuses.

just a thought from the front porch…

statements of fear and insecurity…

there’s another fear that we have that disconnects us and that is when we fear losing our freedom. when we fear losing our freedom that makes us demanding.

fear and insecurity demand that i must always be in control. the more insecure i am the more i have to be in control. the opposite is true also. the more secure i am as a person, the less i need to be in control. i don’t need it. but if i'm insecure and if i'm fearful i'm going to try to grab for control, i must always have my own way. i must always have the last word. we’ve got to do it my way. i demand my rights. all of those statements are symbols of insecurity.

sin destroyed the perfect relationship and thus began the battle of the sexes. in genesis 3.16 (ber), GOD tells eve, you will be drawn to your husband yet he will dominate you.

that wasn’t GOD’s plan or idea. but that’s what happened when fear entered the relationship.

sadly GOD’s ideal was destroyed. instead of complementing each other, husbands and wives started competing with each other. GOD made women and men totally different for a purpose. we’re different in every genetic component of our bodies. our dna is different. we’re just different. we were meant to complement each other not to compete with each other.

the root problem in a lot of marriages i’ve seen is the power struggle between two very insecure people. and the issue is who’s going to be in control. there’s a constant battle and it’s revealing insecurity.

now if these are the fears that disconnect us what causes us to reconnect to those we love? the answer is honesty. because fear makes us dishonest. we hide our feeling. we hide our faults. we hide our fears. dishonesty of course destroys relationships.

1 john 1.7 (niv), if we live in the light as GOD is in the light, we can share fellowship with each other.

fellowship means a close relationship, a connection which comes from living in the light, living out in the open, being honest, being authentic, being truthful. and GOD is in the light because GOD is always honest. GOD cannot lie. GOD always tells the truth.

great relationships are built on trust. and you don't trust people who lie to you. you don’t trust people who don’t tell you the truth. so if you don’t tell the truth in your relationship there’s not going to be any trust. and if there’s not any trust you don’t have a relationship. you’re disconnected. so it starts with being honest.

just a thought from the front porch…