too high expectations…

john mcinroe back a few years wrote a book about his life.  at one point in his life he was married to tatum o’neal.  now she responded to what he had written about her in a barbara walters’ interview. 

in the interview she talked about her life, growing up with her father ryan o’neal and the lack of love she felt there, the marriage to john, the wrong on both sides, the anger that was in that marriage.  but particularly she talked about her children toward the end of the interview.  she said this, “i have never known unconditional love.  i get it from them.  they are the purest human beings in the world.”

that’s a nice thought but the problem with that is she was setting herself up for another fall.  those kids can’t love her unconditionally any more than anybody else can in this world. 

if you’re looking to your children to give you perfect love so you can make it in this world you’re in big trouble.  because they’re just human beings like you and me.  and anytime we expect out of a human being what only GOD can give then there is incredible stress.  great weight on the relationship and a crash is on the way.

listen.  what need have you been expecting some other person to meet that only GOD can meet?   what need do you right now need to do a transfer and realize i’ve been asking them to meet a need that i  need to expect GOD to meet in my life. maybe it’s just the biggest need, the greatest most urgent need in your life right now.  whatever it is GOD can meet that need.  take it to HIM.  talk to HIM about it.  tell HIM about it.

just a thought from the front porch…

get ready for the answer in advance …

have you ever asked this question, what am i supposed to be doing while i’m waiting on GOD?

james first of all gives the example of the farmer and that we are to wait expectantly.

i must expect a harvest.  i must believe that it is inevitable, that i’ve done the right thing. 

what does a farmer do while he’s waiting on GOD?  just sit and watch reruns on television all day?  no, while he’s waiting on the harvest, the farmer is preparing for the answer.  he’s getting ready. 

waiting is a time for preparation which shows your expectation.  we demonstrate our expectation by our preparation.  we get ready for the answer in advance. 

psalm 130.5 (lb),  i wait expectantly, trusting GOD to help, for HE has promised.  notice the word, expectantly. 

what are you waiting for from GOD?  maybe to heal a long-term illness, or to transform your marriage, or to reverse your financial problems or for GOD to reach your teenagers for CHRIST?  do you really expect HIM to do that? 

the bible says, according to your faith it will be done unto you. 

if you do expect GOD to do it eventually, then prove it!  how can you prove that you’re expecting GOD to do something?  simple.  what are you doing to get ready for it?  are you preparing for the answer?  if the answer came today, would you be ready? 

how can i prepare?  the way you get ready for something is by preparing in advance.  while you’re waiting you’re preparing.  preparing demonstrates expectation.

just a thought from the front porch…

affirmation and expectation…

you bless others with your words when you affirm them expectantly.

show courtesy, offer mercy, express sympathy, speak honestly, affirm expectantly.  studies have shown that affirmation and expectation are tremendous tools to bring out the best in other people.  we tend to live up to what other people expect of us.  when people raise our value by expecting more of us we tend to do that.  by affirming and expecting you actually encourage. 

the bible says in 1 thessalonians 5.11 (niv), encourage one another and build each other up.  you never know when little simple word of encouragement is going to change somebody’s life.  it may just be throw away phrase to you but it can alter someone’s destiny.

let me give you four ways to bring out the best in people around you.  i don’t care if you’re a parent or you’re a coach or you’re a teacher or you’re an employee or you’re a student if you want to bring out the best in your friends, if you want to bring out the best in your children, in your loved ones you need to do these four things.

1.  admire their uniqueness.  i’m not just saying tolerate it.  i’m not just saying accept it.  i’m saying admire the fact that they are different from you.  they are not you and admire the differences. 

2.  appreciate their value.  that brings out the best in other people.  if you’ve ever bought a home in orange county you know the meaning of the word “appreciation.”  appreciation means to raise in value.  if you’ve ever bought a car you know the meaning of “depreciation.”  because the moment you bought it and drove it off the lot it lost value.  men, every time you appreciate your wife or your girlfriend, you raise her value.  parents, every time you appreciate your children, you raise their value.  to appreciate means to make them more valuable.  in your eyes and in everybody else’s eyes.  you bring out their best through appreciation. 

 3.  assign them a challenge.  i’ve learned this having been an employer and a staff manager for many, many years.  you give somebody a project that stretches their ability and forces them to grow.  we tend to only do the things we think we’re capable of doing.  when you assign somebody a project that is too big for them it stretches them and they grow and they realize, i can do this.  so you bring out the best in people by throwing them in the water and saying swim!  and by giving them a job that is way over their head so that they grow into that job.  you assign them a project.

4.  affirm their ability.  that’s how you bring out the best in other people.  you say, “you can do this.  i know you can do this.  you are empowered to do this.  i believe you can do this.”  you give them confidence.

just a thought from the front porch…

according to your expectation...

in the dead-end situation you’re in right now, what are you expecting GOD to do?  some of you aren’t expecting HIM to do anything.  GOD works in your life according to your expectation.  that’s called faith. 

romans 4.20-21 (tlb), but abraham never doubted... he praised GOD for this blessing even before it happened.  he was completely sure that GOD was able to do anything he promised.

the ultimate form of faith is thanking GOD in advance for what you’re asking for.  if you wait until after it happens to thank GOD for it, that’s not faith, that’s gratitude.  gratitude is when you thank GOD for something HE’s already done.  faith is when you thank HIM for it in advance.  abraham praised GOD for the blessing even before it happened.

when you’re at a dead-end thank GOD that the answer is already on its way.  you may not see it yet, but thank HIM that it’s already on its way. 

when JESUS was in jerusalem HIS friends mary and martha sent word to HIM from bethany that HIS friend lazarus was sick.  they needed JESUS to heal him.  bethany is about six miles away and it takes JESUS three days to get there.  by the time HE gets there lazarus has gone from bad to worse – HE had died.  that’s what you call passing the deadline.  they buried him. 

now JESUS gets there and they tell HIM HE’s too late.  they said if HE had gotten there sooner HE could have healed him.  JESUS said, “I didn’t come to heal him.  I came to resurrect him”  that’s a greater miracle. 

HE tells them to roll the stone away.  then HE shouts, lazarus, come forth.  HE had to be specific.  if HE had said, “come forth” all the dead people would have come out.  HE tells them to take the grave clothes off and let him go.  when JESUS walked up to the tomb, HE did not beg HIS FATHER to make lazarus come out.  JESUS said, FATHER, i thank you that YOU’ve already heard ME.  lazarus, come forth.  that’s thanking GOD in advance and that is faith. 

just a thought from the front porch…

what are you expecting?...

the bible says this in 2 corinthians 9.8 (msg), GOD can pour on the blessings in astonishing ways so that you’re ready for anything and everything.  let me ask you a very personal question. what are you expecting GOD to do in your life? i’m talking about this next week. what are you expecting GOD to do this next week in your life?

i already know what HE’s going to do in your life and i’m no prophet. the bible says in matthew 9.29 (niv), according to your faith let it be done to you. that means you get to decide. you know what GOD’s going to do in your life this next week? exactly what you expect HIM to do. no more, no less. according to your faith. GOD says you get to decide how much I bless your life.

when you study the bible you find that every time GOD did a miracle HE moves heaven and HE moves on earth and HE does a miracle in somebody’s life it’s because somebody believed. you want GOD’s blessing on your life? you say, “i don’t see GOD blessing my life.” you don’t believe HIM for anything. you’re not trusting HIM. you’re saying, “if it’s to be it’s up to me!” that isn’t in the bible. it’s not up to you. it’s up to GOD. you say, if it’s to be it’s up to him. i am trusting you GOD, to help me through this difficult time.

in the sermon on the mount that JESUS gave HE said, you really only have two alternatives in life. you can either worry or trust. trust GOD or worry about it yourself. HE says this in luke 12.24-31 (ncv), look at the birds in the air. GOD feeds them [if anybody’s on GOD’s welfare role it’s birds. they don’t do a whole lot. they just kind of twitter and chirp and tweep and eat.] GOD says, look at the birds. I feed them and you are worth so much more than birds. don’t have so little faith. don’t always be thinking about what you will eat or drink and don’t keep worrying. your FATHER knows you need these things. but seek GOD’s kingdom and all these other things you need will be given to you.

in all the entire universe there is only one thing that GOD has created that worries – human beings. nothing else that GOD’s created worries. everything else in creation trusts GOD. animals don’t worry, plants don’t worry, rocks don’t worry at least i don’t think they do – the only thing in creation that worries is human beings. we’re the only creation who doubt our creator. we say, “GOD, i really don’t think you’re going to take care of me.”

notice, your FATHER knows. GOD says when you worry you’re acting like an orphan. you’re acting like I’m not your FATHER. in fact you’re acting like an atheist. i’ve said many times worry is practical atheism. every time you worry you’re saying, “i don’t believe GOD. i don’t believe GOD will keep HIS promises. i don’t believe GOD loves me. i don’t believe GOD can care for me. i don’t believe HE will care for me. i don’t believe GOD wants to bless me.” and GOD says, “you’re acting like an atheist.” your FATHER knows you need them and HE’ll take care of you. GOD says, “i want to bless you. you’re acting like i don’t. i do. i want to bless you.”

just a thought from the front porch…

trust, faith, expectation…

another key to GOD’s blessing in your life is to expect GOD’s blessing by faith.

you receive it in CHRIST, you celebrate it in worship, and you expect it by faith. GOD blesses people who trust HIM. GOD blesses people who believe in HIM. GOD blesses people who expect HIM to bless them.

hebrews 11.1 (njv), says this, only faith can guarantee the blessings we hope for. not going to church, being a nice person or anything else. only faith can guarantee the blessings we hope for.

GOD blesses you when you trust HIM. and GOD loves it when you expect HIM to take care of you. it’s a compliment. you say, “GOD, i don’t know how to handle this problem but i’m trusting YOU. i’m up to my neck and i’m in deep and i feel like i’m going under for the last time. but GOD YOU have blessed me in the past so i am certain that you’re going to do it again because you are a good GOD.” “GOD, i don’t know how this is all going to work out. i don’t know what you’re doing and i don’t know what the problem’s solution is but i do know this. YOU are a GOD of blessing and YOU have blessed me many times before and i am counting on it. i am trusting you. i’m expecting you to bless me.”

and GOD says, “that’s MY girl! that’s MY guy! you’re doing exactly what I want you to do. trust ME.”

it is faith that brings the blessing of GOD in your life. the bible says, hebrews 11.6 (niv), without faith it is impossible to please GOD. every time i chose to worry instead of have faith i am unpleasing to GOD. all those times i chose to have anxiety instead of trusting GOD, i displease HIM.

just a thought from the front porch…

the secret of genuine forgiveness…

what is the secret of genuine forgiveness? remember how much i’ve been forgiven. that’s the secret. remember how much i’ve been forgiven by GOD. i remember what it cost JESUS CHRIST to forgive me. all the things i’ve done. i’m not spotless. i’m not blameless. i’ve hurt a lot of people in my life. and so have you.

colossians 3.13 (nlt), remember the LORD forgave you so you must forgive others. GOD has forgiven you, so HE expects you to forgive those who have hurt you.

ephesians 4.32 (niv), be kind and compassionate to one other, forgiving each other just as in CHRIST, GOD forgive you. notice in CHRIST. you were forgiven, not because you deserve it. not because you earned it. not because you balance it out with good works. not because you promised never to sin again. but because you have put your faith in JESUS CHRIST. you’ve accepted HIS salvation. JESUS CHRIST is your SAVIOR.

what does that mean – to make JESUS CHRIST my SAVIOR? it means i accept HIS forgiveness for all i’ve done. and i am forgiven. not because i’ve worked for it. not because my good works are more than my bad works or the good things i’ve done are better than the bad things i’ve done in life. it’s because i’m in CHRIST. that’s the only way you get GOD’s forgiveness. you need to remember that.

i have no doubt that many of you are carrying deep painful wounds from the way you’ve been hurt by other people. and from the bottom of my heart, i am sorry. i’m really sorry. when you think about that betrayal, that hurt, that rejection or whatever it was, it seems as fresh now as it was when it happened. it may have been months, it may have been years, but you are still holding on to that hurt. just me talking about it, it pops back up in your mind. how are you going to get on with your life? there is only one way. forgiveness. it’s the only way you’re going to get on with your life and get over the hurt.

just a thought from the front porch…

will you expect GOD to love you?…

again GOD says in exodus 34.6 (nlt), I am the LORD, the merciful and gracious GOD. I am slow to anger, rich in unfailing love and faithfulness. and again I want to emphasize that GOD is not waiting to get you. HE’s waiting to love you.

so why don’t you step over the line and say, “GOD, instead of living in fear of YOU, i want to get to know YOU better, the ONE who loves me the most.”

we’ve talked about how you and i can begin to break through this thing of becoming so easily angered. to do that, you have to trust GOD. you can’t do it on your own, on your own strength. you ask GOD for the strength to break that pattern of anger. then you get in with a group of people who are trusting HIM to encourage patience rather than encourage anger. you pray to HIM about your problems and you find his peace in your life. then ask for HIS wisdom when it comes to the need to get some rest, to slow down a little bit. you expect GOD’s love to strengthen you in the realities of life.

will you expect GOD to love you?

if that’s your desire, if you’d say, i want to break through that. i want to be a different person, just tell GOD that. say something like, “GOD, i don’t want to be an angry person.” pray that to GOD. “i want to be a loving person. i choose to expect YOUr love to not only forgive me but to direct and to guide me. beginning today, give me the faith that i need to focus on that which is good and right and pure. to focus on you.” we pray this in JESUS’ name. amen.

just a thought from the front porch…

HIS unfailing love and faithfulness...

thomas a kempis said 600 years ago, “be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.” that’s a lowering of expectations.

how do you do that? how do you change your thinking this next week?

philippians 4.8 (tlb) invites us to do that and tells us how. fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right. think about things that are pure and lovely. dwell on the fine good things in others. think about all you can praise GOD for and be glad about. dwell on the fine, good things in others.

find the one good thing you can dwell on in people’s lives. find the one good thing you can dwell on in one person this next week.

some people get angry because GOD put thorns among the roses. other people praise him for putting roses among the thorns. what’s it going to be for you? look for the roses among the thorns this week.

when it comes to the issue of expectation, maybe the greatest change in expectation for you needs to be your expectation of what a relationship with GOD is like. GOD says in exodus 34.6 (nlt), I am the LORD, the merciful and gracious GOD. I am slow to anger, rich in unfailing love and faithfulness. foucs on unfailing love and faithfulness.

that exact phrase is used no less that nine times in the bible. GOD wants us to get this. what kind of relationship can you expect from GOD? one filled with judgment? one filled with guilt? if you expect that, you’re going to be afraid of GOD. who wouldn’t be afraid of a being of immeasurable power who has his thumb poised to squish you at the slightest sign of any mistake?

but the bible says that’s not what you can expect from GOD. HE’s slow to anger. HE is rich in love toward you. HE is rich in compassion toward you. HE loves you more than you could ever imagine. HE sent HIS SON JESUS to die on a cross because of the depth of love HE has for you. that’s what GOD’s like. HE’s not waiting to get you. HE’s waiting to love you.

just a thought from the front porch…

lower your expectations a little bit...

and finally, the most important thing that you could do to not be so quick to anger is change your expectations. our anger always starts in our thoughts – our expectations of how things are going to work out.

proverbs 4.23 (ncv) says, be careful what you think because your thoughts run your life. the way you think eventually is going to run your life. we have expectations of what’s going to happen. when those expectations don’t match reality, the further apart those are, the angrier we become. we tend to get angry.

for example, you buy a christmas present and it says on it: easy assembly required. if it had said, this sucker is going to take 20 hours of your blood, sweat and tears and still not look right, that’s ok. but here you are on christmas eve with bloody knuckles because it says “easy assembly required,” and you’re angry. your expectations and reality just didn’t match.

so … you’re out on the golf course. you’ve got a little white ball, and you’re going to hit it right down the middle of the fairway. that’s your expectation. when expectation doesn’t meet reality, sometimes a broken golf club is a result! when expectations don’t meet reality, we can find ourselves doing the craziest things.

so… you expect a martha stewart thanksgiving. the smell of the turkey wafting from the oven, a perfectly browned turkey. you bring it into the table and set it down to “ahhh” and some light clapping in the background. you expect that you’re going to get along perfectly with someone you haven’t liked for 25 years. you expect soft music playing in the background instead of the football game. or you expect the football game instead of soft music. either way, expectations and reality just aren’t matching.

i encourage you! lower your expectations a little bit. have different expectations for thanksgiving like, “at least no one died from food poisoning this year.” then anything above that is like a win! the stuffing didn’t turn out, but at least no one stuffed the turkey down any one else’s throat. that was a good thing this thanksgiving.

we laugh, but i know what a painful time this can be for some of us. my encouragement to you is to ask GOD for a new sense of expectations. no, it’s not going to turn out perfectly. irritating people are still going to be irritating people. but that doesn’t mean GOD can’t be there. it doesn’t mean GOD’s goodness is not real.

just a thought from the front porch…

has your romance stopped?...

i want you to think of that person that you find it hard to love. or that person you find it hard to be patient with. or that person you don't even like, you don't even want to be friendly to them! then say, how would a loving person act toward that person? if i were patient how would i act toward that person? or if i were friendly how would i act? once you've got that down then you start acting as if you're loving, you're patient, you're friendly, whatever. watch what happens! it will blow your mind. that is living by faith. living in faith!

some of you, the romance died in your marriage a long time ago. you say, “i just don't have any feelings for my mate any more. i'm not even attracted to them anymore.” you need GOD's power to jump-start the romance in your marriage.

you start acting romantic toward your mate. date your mate. treat them like a date. send them flowers. compliment them. build them up. start acting romantic and those feelings will come back, because feelings always follow actions. you cannot feel your way into an action but you can act your way into a feeling.

by faith say, “GOD, i want to feel this way.” then act this way and watch what happens.

so what that GOD is omnipotent? what good is GOD's power if you never take advantage of it? you're going to need GOD's power this next week. it is available.

what are you expecting GOD to do in your life this week? we limit GOD so much by our unbelief. we live on just a fraction of the power that is available to us.

if you want power you admit your weakness and that you need GOD. you admit your lack of power.

i have found, just like paul, that in my greatest weakness that in my time of greatest fear and weakness, i am strong and that GOD pours the power into my life when i don't have it in myself. GOD's power rests on my life. i know that. not because of who i am because i'm not anybody special but HE says that anybody who will admit that HE needs power and believes in faith and speaks in faith will get my power.

just a thought from the front porch…

you can do it…

if you want to receive the best from people and bring out the best in people, expect the best from them.

1 corinthians 13.7 (lb), if you love someone … you will always believe in him, always expect the best of him.

many times we don’t realize how as dads or moms we set our children up for either success or failure by our expectations of them. we do this as employers, as supervisors. your expectations have a profound influence on others because people tend to perform at the level they’re expected to perform.

you’ve heard this before. in 1968 there was a harvard psychologist named robert rosenthal. he published a study, which is now very famous called “the pygmalion in the classroom effect.” it studied the impact of teachers’ expectations on students in the classroom.

he did an experiment. he took a group of kindergartners through fifth grade students and gave them all a learning test. the next fall their new teachers were casually given the names of four, five, six high achievers. these people were given that title supposedly based on the test they’d had the previous year. the only problem was, what they didn’t know was that the test was rigged.

those children who had been labeled “high achievers” were simply chosen at random. there was no basis for that labeling. at the end of the year, the students were retested and the amazing results were the students whom the teachers thought had the most potential – they just thought they did – had actually outscored everybody else and had gained as many as 15 to 27 iq points in one year.

the teachers described these children that they thought were high achievers as happier, most curious, more affectionate than average and having a better chance of achieving later in life. but the only change during that year was the attitude of the teachers because they had been led to expect more of certain students the students came to expect more of themselves. the teachers communicated their positive expectations in terms of tone of voice, facial expression, even touch and posture. karl menninger concluded that attitudes are more important than facts.

what that says is if you want to build confident kids, confidence is more caught than it is taught. it’s how you believe in people, how you treat people. whatever you want people to be, treat them like you want them to become. if you are a supervisor you ought to learn that when you take pride in other people’s work, then they do too. every great leader knows the power of positive expectation. margaret my wife was awesome at this and those of you who have worked for her would say amen to that. i know you would.

just a thought from the front porch…