the beginning question of this week is,
what memory is torturing you? what are
you holding on to that’s torturing you?
if you say, “i don’t know who i need to forgive.” here’s two tests.
first is the blame test. who are you blaming for your unhappiness? “if it weren’t for so-and-so everything in my life would be great… if this hadn’t happened then my life would be terrific… if i didn’t have these parents…” whoever you’re blaming for your unhappiness you need to forgive. you need to let it go.
the second test is the bitterness test. you keep a score. you have a little scale in your mind that anytime somebody does something good you remember all the bad things they’ve done too so you’re always balancing it out.
some of you who are married had a spouse who made a major mistake – maybe years ago. and you have never let them off the hook. you keep referring to it consciously or unconsciously. and anytime that spouse does anything nice for you, you go, “they owe it to me.” they never can catch up because you’ve chosen to hold on to this hurt. and you are killing your marriage. not them. you are killing it.
it is not the sin that’s killing the marriage. it’s your stubborn refusal to let it go. your resentment, the holding on to it so that no matter what they do it’s never good enough because “they owe it to me.” you are killing your own marriage.
some of you feel cheated by your marriage. you have a partner who hasn’t lived up to your expectations. guess what? you probably haven’t either. you’re no prize. have you looked in the mirror lately? they’re probably a little disappointed too.
you say, “but i have all these unmet needs that my husband/wife has not met.” you’ve allowed that grudge to build up and resentment to build up in your heart and you are killing your marriage. it’s not the problem killing it. it’s your resentment. it’s holding on to a hurt that you need to let go of.
just a thought from the front porch…
first is the blame test. who are you blaming for your unhappiness? “if it weren’t for so-and-so everything in my life would be great… if this hadn’t happened then my life would be terrific… if i didn’t have these parents…” whoever you’re blaming for your unhappiness you need to forgive. you need to let it go.
the second test is the bitterness test. you keep a score. you have a little scale in your mind that anytime somebody does something good you remember all the bad things they’ve done too so you’re always balancing it out.
some of you who are married had a spouse who made a major mistake – maybe years ago. and you have never let them off the hook. you keep referring to it consciously or unconsciously. and anytime that spouse does anything nice for you, you go, “they owe it to me.” they never can catch up because you’ve chosen to hold on to this hurt. and you are killing your marriage. not them. you are killing it.
it is not the sin that’s killing the marriage. it’s your stubborn refusal to let it go. your resentment, the holding on to it so that no matter what they do it’s never good enough because “they owe it to me.” you are killing your own marriage.
some of you feel cheated by your marriage. you have a partner who hasn’t lived up to your expectations. guess what? you probably haven’t either. you’re no prize. have you looked in the mirror lately? they’re probably a little disappointed too.
you say, “but i have all these unmet needs that my husband/wife has not met.” you’ve allowed that grudge to build up and resentment to build up in your heart and you are killing your marriage. it’s not the problem killing it. it’s your resentment. it’s holding on to a hurt that you need to let go of.
just a thought from the front porch…
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